Morning Dose

Morning Dose

After several twitches, just when I had gotten a comfort spot on the front seat of the keke Marwa, he leapt suddenly in front of it, threatening to hit its windscreen with his side-handled baton.

‘’Park! Park! ’’, he yelled, gesticulating with so much vigour in his arms. The driver slowly pulled over with the shared puzzled look we had all put on. This vehicle is hardly interrupted and even if it is as such in this rare case, why by a yellow fever? Mumblings had started to erupt as the tired boots strutted towards us.

‘’Why you carry passenger for front?’’ he barked smugly.

I slowly leaned to catch a glimpse of his face; he was dark, short and slender. His remarks postulated gross desperation. He must be in his late forties and with his coloured frown, one could hardly imagine him smile.

‘’Ah Ah oga, no be today we just dey carry passenger for front now, even D.P.O know say we dey carry am!” said the driver.

“Ehen, D.P.O know say una dey carry am abi? You go follow me go meet D.P.O make you kon repeat this statement?”

“But…”

“What is the problem oga? After all, other riders have been passing via this route since morning carrying passengers in front” a hulking man in his mid fifties retorted from inside the Keke.

“Look!” Another fuming passenger pointed, beckoning the officer; “that’s another one with a passenger in front-that makes it the 6th! Why won’t you arrest those ones?”

“It is none of your business, just come down! All of you! And enter another vehicle, you cannot teach me how to do my job!” he remarked irritably.

The driver at this point had retrieved his phone from his tricycle’s dashboard, and called the chairman. He also threw a few yells to alert his oncoming colleagues as well. They were seemingly startled by the officer’s recalcitrant disposition except for the fact that they acknowledged the unpredictability of uniformed men. Most of them simply tossed weird glances the warden’s way, derisively accompanied by three criss-crossed claps and shrugged before they zoomed off. A few brave ones hurled abuses only after they had passed the yellow fever.

 

With so much rapidly growing impatience, the man in his mid-fifties had started to raise his voice;

“Why wouldn’t you consider us? You are intentionally delaying us and this is illegal, why don’t you tell the driver what exactly he has done wrong so that both of you can settle this issue amicably and let us be on our way, you are too old to be this unreasonable and adamant!”

The officer turned in a fierce rage

“You are a stupid man, what is your business? I will deal with you…”

“You cannot do anything and you do not have the right to deal with me, ok? You can do nothing, and I will make sure that I report you. As old as you are nonsense!”

Fuelled with outrage, the man in his mid-fifties promptly lugged himself out of the tricycle, in the direction of the warden’s gum-chewing fellow officer, who had turned to watch the ensuing drama.

“Go! You must be stupid for talking to me like that… I will make sure you do not follow this vehicle. Everybody can go. Driver, start the engine and move, but he must not follow you. Look at him, he’s conversing with her, she’s my colleague and not my superior, we both have equal ranks!” He yelled from a distance.

The driver had lit the engine and parked a little farther, waiting for his rabble-rousing passenger. As he approached us, the officer sprang out from his veil spot and roared:

“Wetin I tell you? I talk say you no go carry this man, you wan make I vex collect your key now, abi?”

“Officer, I sabi this man well well, na dem Alausa people o…! He fit copy your number carry am go … the driver whispered to him.

Instantly, almost revealing his new fright, he deftly stepped aside and hurled more invectives as we zoomed off.

Amidst the tumultuous discussion that followed between the other passengers, I tapped the driver’s chuckling shoulder and asked with much curiosity:

“Why him stop you sef?”

“No mind the foolish old man o, him talk say him wan carry me go meet DPO wey all of us dey deliver to everyday-Na thief! Na because I never give am him morning dose.”  He replied.

 

 



20 thoughts on “Morning Dose” by colotrends (@colotrends)

  1. You illustrated a common occurence on Nigerian roads very well.

    However, there was a mix up of tenses in this second paragraph with both past, present and present participle.

    So instead of below;

    ‘’Park! Park! ’’, he yelled, gesticulating with so much vigour in his arms. The driver slowly pulled over with the shared puzzled look we had all put on. This vehicle is hardly interrupted and even if it is as such in this rare case, why by a yellow fever? Mumblings had started to erupt as the tired boots strutted towards us.

    ‘’Park! Park! ’’, he yelled, gesticulating with so much vigour in his arms. The driver slowly pulled over with the shared puzzled look we all had on. This vehicle was hardly interrupted and even if it were, as such in this rare case, why by a yellow fever? Mumblings started to erupt as the tired boots strutted towards us.

  2. Nice story… I ditto Myne…

  3. ha ha ha!!! this gave me a good morning dose of laughter!…well done!

  4. Typical day to day Nigeria happenings. Good one. Try sort out the pointed pointers.

  5. Thanks Myne, that was very insightful! Thanks everyone.

  6. No comment(Am I not commenting, really?!), Myne has said all there is to say. Good piece bro.

  7. Hehehehehe….

  8. Meena-Adekoya (@Olajumoke-Adekoya)

    Myne is spot on on the tenses, its makes an amusing read….nice work!

  9. Brilliant depiction of a typical day on the streets of naija…Myne pointed out what i noticed already so my lips are sealed…

  10. thanks folks!

  11. its obvious dt those guys dont knw wat they r doing, some times sef when the driver offers them some change they act like thats not wat they want then after a few minutes they collect it, mcheww
    nice story

  12. lol, thanks.

  13. Lol… Nobody wan go Alausa o. Very fine story man.

  14. this is a very good piece…I DITTO @myne also this: waiting for his rabble-rousing passenger. is the passenger really rabble-rousing in this case?

  15. A straightforward narrative with a very funny part at the end.

    But you should watch the way you use words to make sure you’re using the appropriately. For example:

    “His remarks postulated gross desperation”

    ‘Postulate’ means ‘demand’ or ‘claim’; it doesn’t make sense to say that “his remarks claimed gross desperation”. I think saying “his remarks suggested gross desperation”, or even more simply “his remarks showed how desperate he was” would be better.

    And:

    “The driver had lit the engine” would be better as “The driver had started the engine”.

  16. Hahahahaha
    I love Lagos-life stories. I didn’t even notice the tense mix-ups. Very enjoyable.

  17. Thanks Anna.

  18. Good one…comments above highlight the few weaknesses in the telling of the tale, but nonetheless I applaud your story telling skills…well done!

  19. Thank you Espresso le double!

Leave a Reply