This was a beautiful piece, @yeniee. At first, I thought it was the mother of the pregnant girl talking, but the last few lines gave this an unexpected twist.

This is the second person POV done right.

Well […]

@dkny111,

I like the way that you made the stories of the characters intersect each other; this gave the story a coherence it otherwise would not have had.

I would have removed this line, as it gave the […]

Hm. This is interesting. Echoes of Job. Is the physician about to get a revelation?

There are fewer typos in this installment than the previous one; good job.

Well done, @babalolaibisola.

Good start to what could be an interesting story, @sarah. I just hope the story isn’t predictable.

@topazo has spoken my mind on the typos and word usage. Please watch out for tense confusion – I couldn’t […]

@Kabirat,

I like the theme of sudden changeable circumstances that you showed in this poem; I wish you had titled the poem after that, rather than after a day of the week.

I liked lines like “thunder […]

Interesting snapshot of the preparation before a wedding, @jazz. As others have said, watch out for typos (like “6 feet frame” > “6 foot frame” and “Eldred smiled reservedly” > “Eldred smiles reservedly”).

You […]

@codrojac, your reference to Ala dying told me that your poem was symbolising the plunder of the earth. However, because you used Ala, I thought that your references were more local (i.e. to Nigeria) than global. […]

Oh no!

So he died!

I should have seen this line: “He bravely shatters my soul”.

I would have thought that he would moderate his report by not reporting tales of death like they’re tales of […]

Captain @Alabaok, this was very amusing. Those two pilots are crazy!

I liked how I was able to follow the story, even though it was dialogue only.

But the ending gave a darker edge to the story than I would […]

@dpoetry,

I liked the first four or five lines, but I felt that the switch from song of hope to song of sadness was sudden.

After the humming bird was introduced, I felt the poem lost its way.

Very poetic, @codrojac. Is this an allusion to how companies are relentlessly drilling (in Nigeria) for oil, not caring about the future effects?

@fredrick-chiagozie-nwonwu, this sounds like it would have been an interesting event. I hope you publish a recap of what happened.

This is a very simple and direct poem expressing sentiments on an issue that exercises many minds, @uzomaumekwe.

I wish it had been more poetic, though.

Note:

“The sand dunes to the riverine” > “The sand […]

@Musemussang,

I echo what @afronuts says about there not being a good intro into the play. This is even more important to get right in a screenplay, where you don’t have the chance to show us the thoughts of […]

I’m glad you liked it, @wordsfromuyi, and I’m even gladder that you find it useful in improving your writing art.

Thanks for reading.

@nicolebassey,

This was exquisitely beautiful… so much so that I was overpowered by a compusion to donate 30 points to you.

Please don’t keep on writing these kinds of poems unless you want to bankrupt me […]

@khadijahmuhammad,

I liked this story so much that I decided to spend time showing how I would have rewritten the first half of it to polish it and remove all typos, grammatical and punctuation errors, etc. (my […]

@Mimiadebayo,

The writing itself is good, and it’s a very interesting idea, but the trouble with writing these kinds of stories is that you are trying build an explanation on top of an already existing […]

You self, @hymar. I gave 99%, you want 100%.

I didn’t say anything was wrong with the other stanzas; I just said I liked the last three stanzas more than the rest.

To be clear, @wordsfromuyi, I didn’t mind that you described the land as both a place of promise and a place of pain. It would just have worked better for me if you had described all that was wonderful about the […]

@pionga, in addition to what @topazo has said, the big words in the mouths of your characters just made them look unreal. I don’t believe that university students typically talk like that.

Or perhaps this was […]

@Lelouch,

I thought something interesting was going to happen when i saw the shining woman, but that strand of the narrative petered out.

Now, in addition to ‘Firstborn’ and ‘Lastborn’, I have another […]

The story continues, @lelouch.

I noticed a change in narrative style; you moved from a straightforward first person narrative to a more involved, conversational style with phrases like “What I am about to say […]

This was a very smooth-flowing poem that mixed the longings of a lover.into a simple, straightforward anti-war message.

At least, it wasn’t the MC’s loved one whose death was reported.

“My belly rumbled, […]

Very good poem, @hymar, especially the last three stanzas. I would have had “broomstick legs” rather than “spaghetti legs”, though.

Food for thought, especially in the light of the militancy that we see […]

@wordsfromuyi,

The poetic part of the post felt very ‘scattered’ to me.

I like the prosaic part more; I was intrigued by your descriptions of this land – they painted it as a place of wonder.

However, I […]

Welcome back, @codrojac.

I liked the imagery in this poem of foreboding, especially these lines:

“The world suddenly feels a jigsaw of timeless vignettes awaiting the storyteller” – a story teller being able […]

The point is, you don’t need scientific jargon to write a sci-fi story, @estee.

Anything can follow the “What if”, although it has to be a big “What if”.

Good start, @pejuamadi, although it was rather short; I would have moved more of part 2 to this part.

If you choose to rewrite this, watch out for minor punctuation and capitalisation issues (e.g. “Good […]