Tag Archives: Christmas

My Santa Claus

My Santa Claus! I whispered, saliva suddenly drying off my throat. I forced myself to breath so I could fully comprehend what was happening. You won’t blame me for forgetting how to breathe for a second after I explain how I got into this perplexed state of extreme shock that has threatened to burst my … Continue reading My Santa Claus

The Day I Will Never Forget, Episode 7: Father Christmas, Miss Agbo and That English Composition

READ EPISODES 1 – 6 One week to our final exams, Miss Agbo came to class with an air of importance, and made the following announcement: “Children, the composition you will write for your final exams is ‘The Day I Will Never Forget.’ ” To make things interesting, she added a caveat: not only would … Continue reading The Day I Will Never Forget, Episode 7: Father Christmas, Miss Agbo and That English Composition

The Dilemma (part three)

A Christmas carol that came blasting from the patient’s radio woke me up. I groaned as i sat up to stretch my limbs. I looked around confused at first. Then gradually as i recalled the events of the night before it hit me hard. ” Damn!! ” I exclaimed. This didn’t just happen.What on earth would i … Continue reading The Dilemma (part three)

New Year: An Open Letter To Christians, from Christmas

New Year: An Open Letter To Christians, from Christmas

My Name is Christmas. I have always been one for celebration and the world looks forward to seeing my day. As men celebrate me, I laugh at their stupidity, the celebration of self and apparent Christians who put in a great show of service. Originally, I took to wonder why Constantine decided to impose me … Continue reading New Year: An Open Letter To Christians, from Christmas

A letter to Santa Clause

Dear Santa,

How are you doing? Hope you’re not too stressed out from delivering gifts to almost everyone’s doorstep (excluding mine).

I’m sure you’ve gotten a million and one letters requesting for one Christmas gift or the other. No! This isn’t one of those. I’m writing this letter to ask for your hand in marriage. Yes! Your hand in marriage. I’m sure you’re surprised; I am too. But before I go on professing my love for you, I’d like to ask a few questions if you don’t mind (after all, I should have enough information about who I want to marry).

First of all, Nigerians call you ‘Father Christmas’ so what’s your real name, surname and other names? Did you go to any schools and do you have degrees? How many are you in your family and what number are you? What State/Country are you from and where do you currently reside? What are your hobbies, best food, best colour, likes and dislikes? Do you have any friends? If you do, who are they? I really don’t want to know if you’re married or not because I don’t mind being number one or any other number.

People just collect gifts from you without bothering to ask these: where do you get the money to buy all these gifts? Or do you manufacture them yourself? Do you deliver these gifts by road, air, or water? Because you deliver to all parts of the world.

I know it’s weird that I don’t know anything about the person I want to marry. It’s not totally my fault. I searched for you on Google but I didn’t get answers to the above questions. I’ve always heard and am still hearing so many nice things about you (even though I hear them only during Christmas). They say you’re a cheerful giver; we’ll have a symbiotic relationship “givers never lack. They say you’re good with children; our children wouldn’t grow up in a master-servant environment. They also say your laughter sounds like HOHOHOHOHO! That will keep me falling in love with you over and over again.

I know the man is supposed to propose to the woman but hey! Our case is different; you’ll never propose to me because you don’t know me. I really don’t know how to express the way I feel about you because I’ve never done this before. When I was a little child, I used to see you at parties. While other children were scared of you, I wasn’t; I had a crush on you. But now, when I crash a kiddies party (just to see you), I just feel like taking you home to be mine.

Will you marry me?

Oh! Wait a minute! I told you nothing about myself. Well, your response to this will determine if it’s necessary that I tell you about me or not. I’ll stop here for now. I don’t even know how to get this across to you. But I know you’ll get it somehow since people’s wishes get to you. Before I forget, I slipped a ring into this envelope. I know it should have come as a surprise but I don’t want the floor to have a feel of it before you.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Yours truly,

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