I Remember

I Remember

”I don’t think I love you anymore”

Blood was rushing to my head.

I felt myself sway.

What was he saying? What was Emeka talking about??

Focus.

”I think it’s best I’m honest with you”

Is he breaking up with me??

Here?

Now?

Why?

How?

I can’t hear what he’s saying. I can see his face though; contorting, making pained expressions.

Focus.

”I hope you understand….”

What?!

Bastard!!

Focus Ada, focus.

He’s not saying anything now. He’s looking at me. I’m supposed to leave now, you know, gather my pieces and go. I can’t move. I feel faint. He starts to talk, then he stops. He starts again, stops. I feel something in my eye, something tingle my cheek. O.k, so I’m crying. ”Shit!”.  Not only did Emeka just dump me but now I’m standing here, tongue-tied, crying.

”Please don’t cry”

What did he say?

‘Do you care if I cry, if I die?’ I wanted to ask him. I didn’t. There’s something welling up at the back of my throat, something hot.

He’s moving towards me. I don’t know why but as he approached me, the closer he got, the more I knew I had to run. The feeling to run was getting stronger and stronger and just as he was about to touch me, embrace me perhaps, I fled.

I found myself outside. I had left my umbrella inside. I came to see Emeka in the rain, now I was leaving…..in the rain. I couldn’t go back for the umbrella, I couldn’t go back for anything.

I stood briefly wondering why I couldn’t hear Emeka screaming my name, wondering why he hadn’t chased me, why he wasn’t standing here in the rain with me, telling me he was joking and that he cannot believe I bought the act. My brain retorted: ”You moron, he just broke up with you….now you think he wants to get wet, for his ex-girlfriend?”

The rain beat me. My new weave is ruined most definitely. The rain disguises my tears. I was weeping by now and I’m sure the rain could not cover up how bloodshot my eyes must have been. I’m sure the downpour is doing little to hide the contrast of red eyes against dark skin.

I was home. I was standing in front of my gate but I had no will to move. Do I go in?. Do I actually want my little sister to bug me all day? asking me what’s wrong. Do I really want to have to explain to mum how I left in the morning with an umbrella and why I’m now back home, drenched, puffy-eyed, umbrella? gone..?

I start walking again. I’m moving. Where am I going? Adrenaline rush; my heart is beating like crazy. I giggle. It’s funny how my broken heart is still beating so purposefully.

My mind flashes, I remember last year when Emeka had come to me after school pleading that I give him a chance. I remember telling him that I’d rather not have my heart broken, I remember saying it lightly, I remember meaning it seriously. I remember him saying ”I will cherish your heart Ada, till mine stops”. I remember how despite the corniness of his words, my ears had heard sincerity. I remember finally, believing him.

I start to cry again. My head is now is pounding. The rain has dwindled down to a drizzle. Another memory flashes across my mind. It’s last May. A month after I told him ‘yes’. He had come over to my place. My parents were at work. We had watched movies. We had talked; purposeful talk. We had laughed, gosh Emeka made me laugh so hard I couldn’t breath. We shared our first kiss that day, for me my first kiss ever. I remember staring at my lips when he left, searching for any visible damage, praying that the first lips I had kissed would never produce words like Emeka’s had today.I remember after the kiss, he told me to close my eyes, and I did. He had slid a ring on my finger. I remember the panic I felt. I remember my puzzlement. I remember blurting out ‘You did not just propose?!’. I remember him laughing long and loud and telling me it was a promise ring. I remember him saying something long and sweet and ending it with I promise you my heart….forever.

I look down at my hand. I’m staring at the ring, intently. I see the edges are tarnished. Why had I never noticed the faded silver till now? Why? Something inside replies; ‘same reason you hadn’t seen a break-up happening till it did’.

I stop moving. I look around. I have no idea where I am. I wipe my eyes. I blow my nose. I pat my weave. The pounding in my head is starting to subside, the pounding of my heart has long silenced.

Wait…wait…hold up… did i really just give somebody ten months of my life only to end up in the rain, cold, crying??

I remember me before Emeka. I remember how I’d say that I’d never be dumped. I would never cry over a boy. I would never cry in front of a boy. I would never fall in love without doing the math and being sure I would be caught. I would think like a man because a man never puts his heart in his brain’s position. Look at me now. Look at me.

What happened? The song ”Subway” by Asa comes to mind. Is this the kind of love I had warned myself about?

I was going to sleep with him. Yes. I had planned that whenever the day came that Emeka brought up sex, I would agree. I knew that he would bring it up eventually. He is a boy, isn’t he? I was going to let the bastard in me. That’s the truth. I mean, I was in love, right? I was rocking his promise ring, no? He is the only person that I have ever let come near my heart, so I felt heck why not sleep with him.

I say a silent prayer. I thank God that somehow I didn’t sleep with Emeka. I thank Him that I stood there wet and cold with a broken heart but not with a broken hymen.

I say amen. Something is wrong. Well, apart from the obvious. Something else. It hits me. I haven’t prayed in months. In fact, I started to pray less the more I fell for Emeka and after a while I had stopped altogether.

I realize I’m still standing. I look around. There’s a fast food by the road junction. I start moving again. Thank God I didn’t forget my bag in the dog’s house, so at least I have money. I reach the building. I go inside. I buy the biggest container of ice cream they have. Comfort food. I sit down. I start to eat. I feel better now. Do I really? Abi it’s numbness that is setting in?

Now I’m thinking of the times that I had cooked his meals. The times I had pretended to like his awful music. The times I lent him money. The gifts I had bought him. I’m thinking of the times I’d let him kiss me even when I didn’t feel like it just so that he was content. I’m thinking of the times I stayed up all night talking to him, missing out on precious sleep, being a wreck the next day, and still thinking ‘well, it was worth it’. I feel a tear drop. I can’t cry here now, ah ah…inside fast food? haba. I stop thinking

I find myself praying. O.k more like talking..to God. I’m apologizing. I’m begging. I’m telling Him how sorry I am that I dumped Him for Emeka. I’m telling Him how sorry I am that I put a man before Him. I’m telling Him how sorry I am that I was even ready to throw my purity, the purity that I had pledged to Him, away. I’m thanking Him for loving me even in my faithlessness. I’m thanking Him because I know that somehow Emeka ending things was for my own good. I’m thanking Him for the scales that have finally fallen, rather that have been flooded out my eyes. I say amen. I tell Him I won’t ever leave Him again. I mean it.

What is left of my ice cream is liquid now. I feel very much better now. I smile. I know that at least I have God now and so I’ll be fine. I stand up. Time to go home. I look at the time; ‘3p.m’. When I woke up this morning, my plans had entailed being with Emeka till about 4p.m. My curfew was 4.30. Early I know but well…… As I glance off my watch, I see the ring…the tarnishing ring… I take it off, first time in months. I drop it in the ice cream bucket. I start to walk away. I exit the building. The image of the silver circle in the milky water lingers. It fades.

I leave determined. I will love again. I will live again. I will be loved again.

However, I’m putting God in charge of scripting my next love story and I have a feeling that His plan will have a much better end.



41 thoughts on “I Remember” by TheBeautifulTruth (@nnenna)

  1. Lovely story with a message and a morale to it. There are times when a beautifully crafted statement catches my attention; a statement that has a heavy meaning –
    “I thank Him that I stood there wet and cold with a broken heart but not with a broken hymen.”
    Nice one!

  2. Thank you so much Afronuts :) I really like that you liked it. I’m sorry it has an obviously ‘moral’ touch, it wasn’t intentional sef, my values always find a way of leaking out hehe…

  3. Nice one. So very real. We do tend to sideline God when things are fine and dandy. But the apologies and forgive mes come tumbing out when things go KABOOM!
    Keep writing. You are good at it, morals and all.

  4. wow
    i love every bit and line in this story Beautiful.
    i actually thought she was going to do something silly but it eventually spoke of hope.
    beautiful piece.

  5. emmmmm can a girl fall in love with another??? mehnnnnn i just fell in love with you. this story is awesome!!!! wow!
    really love this line also : “I thank Him that I stood there wet and cold with a broken heart but not with a broken hymen.”

  6. m back again, forget to say that you have a good descriptive ability and you know how to imbibe feelings into words.

  7. So beautiful darl!!!

  8. @Lade and Anderson, thank you so much :D

    @Beautiful, oh really? how encouraging…how flattering, hehe..thanks a lot

  9. girl! this rocks. and don’t you ever apologize for the moral thing. if it’s who you are it’s what you write. that’s my policy. and i sooo love your expressions.

    you write, write, write! well done here!

  10. Great! Great! Great! You write awesomely! Your descriptive powers are so obvious.I felt what she felt not because ive gone through it but coz you detailed it so well…Please let your values show through and don’t ever apologize for that..It shows in my writing too…keep the pen moving babe

  11. wow…i love this story..have a similar story and would put it up soon…If this is a true story..I thank God for you…
    keep it up girl..cant wait to hear what you have to say about mine.

  12. It’s so easy to fall apart or embrace bitterness when your heart has been broken. Your story shows u can refuse to be a victim, pick up and press on. Way to give sunshine thru the rain!

  13. @diva divine, this is sooo fictional, lol…but thank you, i’ll be on the look out for yours

    thanks so much people :)

    and don’t worry about the apology thingy, i’m not particularly sorry but i realize the ‘righteous’ thingy..:D

  14. Ugo Chime (@Flourishing-Florida)

    u know, i used to think beautiful was the same person as beautifultruth. i wonder y

  15. Really loved this. And I agree with RemiRoy. Dont apologize for letting your values show in your work. Keep writing you! Those who love you will love you even more for it, and those who don’t…well, that’s their problem!

  16. u can’t describe a broken heart…nahhhh….but ur ability to live again makes u a stronger person…welldone.

  17. aaaawwwww so sweet! One of the sweetest love stories I have read in a while, for there is no greater lover story than that between our Baba God and us. Nice… nice <3

  18. well captured the heart being broken, loved the story seemed so real. Nice stort,really enjoyed reading it

  19. Thanks so much ladies!

  20. Beautiful story i loved it. Please don’t apologize i love reading stories like this.

  21. Men, been seeing this on the best of the month tab. Don’t know why it took me so long to read. FANTASTICO!
    “My favourite line?
    I remember how despite the corniness of his words, my ears heard sincerity.” Deep sister you are…

  22. very nice one…definitely deserves a place among the best of the month. and like you, i love to write but rarely have the time to (engineering in my case) so i understand how it feels to finally get the chance to let it out once in a while. keep it up aiigght? ur good

  23. Good one girl.. keep em coming

  24. I like like like like like like like liky love :D

  25. This is a beautiful line story, you got good descriptive words…

    Keep em coming….and be yourself always!

  26. Nice one! i am so impressed at the way the gist flows, hmmm! impressive. But wait a minute, is it a true life story? did it happen to you? lol! never mind though! but me thinks that this happens often to dem ladies who wont look out for lil details. Nice one Gurl! and by the way would you love me? lol!

  27. @XTO i’m really young, i haven’t done much of dating yet and have never had a personal experience of heart-break or ”love-falling” and so this is totally FICTIONAL. I cannot fathom why lots of people always think my fictional work must be partially biographical…Well, I must be that good then, LOL.//

    awww thanks Cikko!!

    @everyone else, you guys are too kind…:)

    1. Kudos beautifultruth: don’t lol at the genius of your work. Accept the compliments dear, you are that good.

  28. Nice story and good writing, Ada said a lot of nevers; i’d never be dumped e.t.c.,but thank God her hymen remained intact.

  29. Omigosh!! this is an absolutely great story!!..Love the end best!

  30. Girl,I’ve just fallen in love with you.
    You’re damn prolific,me,I don’t suffer heartbreaks.
    You rock gurl

  31. awwww how beautiful specially when the writer happens to be some one close to me ……besty have been thinking of one write up buh am sure doing it with you ….trust me you are the best

  32. This is an inspirational story that has a strong moral lesson. I think you should stick to one tense in your narration. Very interesting piece that portrays a strong character. kudos

  33. My best ever work written by a woman is Maya Angelou’s Still I Rise. This is my second best work. I need to know this @ThebeautifulTruth.Words fail me.

  34. I’m greatly impressed by this, damn! This was totally awesome! Don’t stop writing for anything!

  35. You write like a pro… Touching many hearts. I love the end… Leaving it to God to love and be loved again. Thumbs up Beautiful truth!

  36. A good yarn, but, er, hate to be the party pooper here. The math didn’t add up. WHY did this bloke drop her? If it’s a contemporary story then, trust me, this guy would want to “pop her cherry,” to put it crudely, before breaking up with her. And why did the protagonist “pretend to like his awful music” while in the relationship? So many things she did not like about him in that paragraph, I wondered why she was with him. Means she was faking it or insincere all along. A very unGodly behavior if you ask me. I would’ve dumped her ass too.

    1. that’s because a girl is willing to take some crap and do some things just because she loves some bloke.

  37. good! i think i should go through again

  38. Nice One. Thumbs up. Just few typos and misplaced tenses.
    Keep it up, i luv the storyline.

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