Lurking behind the shadow of gaiety,
is a fear that hides behind the beauty.
It’s a struggle; it’s survival of the fittest,
a war between her calm outside and an inside that’s not at rest.
Calm cool terrain it seems to the outside view
but inside did pain and anger brew.
Tear drops falling on a battered soul like dew,
a life of abuse, rejection, to mention but a few.
The smile: deceptive yet oh so true,
it’s a smile so sad yet so wide,
a curtain to the world, many a thing to hide
but inside did pain and anger reside.
A spirit so pure, gentle, free and wild.
A spirit that has waged a war against times tide.
She’s on a journey, very long one,
looking for a ray of light:the break of dawn.
Down sloppy hills of time, with tears in her eyes,
but inside did pain and anger scream with piercing cries,
for times past, those she wish she could change,
for every blow to every look- a long range,
for the past that should never have been,
for the future yet to be seen,
for every of her souls hurting ties,
the abused woman cries.
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Felt a bit….compressed (I think), but still, not bad…Could’ve been better though…
@Raymond: What do they normally call females that write this type of literature? She’d make a Very gud one, just a little more effort.
Feminist?
I like this poem a lot. Not only because gender issues are close to my heart but also because the poet has tried to convey beautiful imagery in this poem with a promise.
The repetition though needs to be checked so that the poem gets the punch it’s supposed to have.
There are 2 clichés that I am able to pick out: ‘survival of the fittest’ in line 3 and ‘to mention but a few’ in line 8. You need to rephrase these lines in fresher words.
Line 5 has excellent tension but is clumsily put and needs reworking.
My favourite line is ‘it’s a smile so sad, yet so wide.’
Overall, I like this poem that says a lot without being preachy and with a little more effort, it will be a gem!
Well done, Peace!
Well done Peace, do pay attention to Kabura’s corrections.
WOW i really like poems with deep meanings like this as opposed to bland poetry…well done
line5 truly is kinda sloppy
war against times [TIME'S]tide.
why did you mix LOWER and UPPER case initial letters…
well done
The poem was also very visual. Also loved that.
Nice poem…graphic descriptions…I echo Kabura on this one. Well done.
Interesting! Nice to read…bravo!
It’s a nice poem. And I really share the concern for abused human beings, not just women.