A Part of The Other

A Part of The Other

The weight of your words bears down on my heart

The height of your plight stares down on my faith

The depth of your pains cuts deep within my soul

 

You smile but inside you’re in tears

You dance but within you’re in a trance

You put up a face though inside you’re in chains

 

But should you bear all of it alone dear?

Why can’t your worries my shoulders share?

If only to make you believe that I truly care

 

Please my caring hands don’t push away

Even if it may not support you always

It will give some hope like the sunrays

 

Though you have a mind of your own

But even you by yourself can’t go it alone

To get to the end, we all need someone

 

You’re my sister, you my friend

We are all a part of one another

Here’s my shoulder please lean on.



12 thoughts on “A Part of The Other” by tomi (@tomi)

  1. Hahaha… I really enjoyed this… I will love to the person that inspired this piece.

  2. I meant ‘I will like to know whoever inspired it’

  3. someone with the name precious…

  4. @tomi, you have done well to show the feeling of wanting to be taken in and rusted and allowed to show love…yeah,…i enjoyed it big time…It would have been better if you had only used the punctuation marks….i don’t usually use END punctuations but the INNER ones, i don’t neglect, except by mistake. Here, their absence took away a lot. I took some lines to show you:

    You smile[,]but inside you’re in tears[ A COMMA WOULD HAVE GIVEN THE PAUSE AND SOLIDIFY THE MESSAGE. YOU SMILE is a sentence, AND YOU UNRAVEL IT WITH BUT….]

    Please my caring hands[,] don’t push away [WITHOUT THE COMMA, THIS SENTENCE MEANS THAT YOU ARE TELLING YOU ‘CARING’ HAND NOT TO PUSH AWAY WHEN YOU ACTUALLY MEANT THAT YOUR CARING HANDS SHOULD NOT BE PUSHED AWAY]

    Here’s my shoulder[,] please lean on.[THERE SHOULD BE A CLAUSE AFTER THE MAIN/INDEPENDENT CLAUSE “here’s my shoulder”…WITHOUT IT, ITS GRAMMATICALLY UNSOUND]…

    CHECK OUT THE OTHER LINES

    WELL DONE

  5. @xikay, thanks for the insights.

  6. @tomi, no probs bro…we’re all here to learn…by the way, this shows that you have what it takes,…more glory

  7. Nna ehn, Romance……Anyways, nice poem Tomi. Like Mr Idoks, I’d also like to know too…

  8. I love the input by Xikay. The poem was really good otherwise.

  9. Nice poem Tomi, will make a great song too…
    @Xikay…Fantastic Editing, had to go and read them again without the commas(I mentally included them while reading the first time)and your analysis was on point!! well done

  10. Ditto @Xikay. The message does it for me sha, u pack better sense full am1

  11. “…bear down on me”. Xikay already pointed out a lot. Fine poem this is, I enjoyed it really.
    *Now, off to get me a nice and tender shoulder…*

  12. Love Precious shah. Nice poem. Kinda written with lotta emotions. Keep it up.

    Hope she runs to you for support soon, *winks*.

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