What If There Was No Gravity
That your matric hat you threw into the air will just hang there and it won’t come down. You smile sheepishly as you look up at the hat and then down as people start staring at you and wondering what you’d do next. Your mum gives you that look that translates ‘why you throw the cap for up nau, see other children no throw their own, na only you dey do matric?’, you look around and find out that all others matriculating with you all had their hats held tightly.
If your hat hadn’t hanged up there you would have jumped up too because you are happy that you finally got admission after two long years of writing Jamb. Now this stupid hat want to spoil your matriculation fun for you. Wait, was your hat at fault? Come to think of it, who would you blame, your hat, you yourself or gravity?.
You blame gravity because ‘if there was gravity,your hat won’t be hanging in the air right now, it would have fallen and you’d have caught it with joy’ you thought. But on a second thought you blame yourself because looking at your fellow freshers around they all had their hats with them and gravity didn’t say “come on! Give me that hat” like it did yours. You sigh and conclude that this isn’t a time to apportion blames rather a time to look for solution and continue your fun before it is ruined entirely.
The next thing that comes to your mind is a ladder but then you think ‘what’s an ordinary hat that it’ll spoil my fun and happy day? I can always get a new hat to replace it’ but then, you remember what the VC on his opening speech said “you must not for any reason throw your matriculation hats upwards as we do not have gravitational force to pull them down, moreover those hats aren’t just any hat one can get in the market, they are customised with the emblems of this great institution” you remember how he stressed the word ‘Must’, come to think of it, if you eventually succeed in making a new hat that looks like the original one, what then will become of this stupid one hanging up here, it’ll still be seen and the school authorities will suspect that one of the returned hats is an imitation of the one hanging and they won’t hesitate to issue a threat to all the newly admitted students and some of those coward students who are scared of empty threats will eventually report you to the school authorities and then you’ll face the panel and eventually get expelled.
Tufiakwa! ‘God forbid!’ This admission you worked so hard for is now on the brink of forfeiture all because of one stupid hat.
So you go back to the idea of a ladder, yes you’ll need a ladder to bring the hat down, but the real problem now is where to get a ladder on a matric day. You look around but couldn’t find any ladder and being an innovative thinking person you decide to improvise a ladder by stacking chairs up together meanwhile your younger brother is helping you stack them, within three minutes you have a stack pile of chairs climbing to the sky and it has gotten very close to the hat and only a thrust of hand will retrieve the silly hat.
You get ready to climb your improvised ladder and just as you raise your leg to mount the first rung, you notice your weight is too heavy for the chairs, you sigh and come down looking helpless. Your younger brother volunteers to climb as his weight is lighter than yours and so you let him. You bend down as he sits on your shoulder and you lift him up onto the stack pile of chairs. He grabs the chairs and begins climbing, up and up he goes and stops right next to the hat, as you smile and people around who have being watching your ordeal start clapping for your brother, your brother smiles too as he waves the hat in the air, his left leg slips from the chair and since there’s no gravity to pull him down to the ground, he hangs there in the air as you scream and people shout and suddenly you wake up from your dream, and you sigh heavily as you throw your pillow upwards just to confirm that it was all a dream, the pillow falls back on the bed and you smile because you now know how to answer Prof. Igbe’s oral test tomorrow ‘Explain gravity to a five year old’.