The Other Side Of Love

It was 5:30am in the morning, somewhere on the outskirts of ibadan. The crickets blares are had faded as the leaves absorbed cold dew of the twilight, cocks could be heard quite loud as they crow to their keepers attention for grains.
Modupe would’ve been awake if power hadn’t been disrupted earlier the previous day that her phone’s alarm could’ve signaled her wake. She was on the phone with david when her battery ran out of endurance leaving their conversations halfway said. It had been reported that the power pole which supplied power to modupe’s resident had been hit by a big lorry containing sand with no hopes of amendment any time soon.
Modupe had been fiancée to david roughly eight years, they had met in a library when modupe was just newly admitted to the federal university of ibadan. Both graduated at the same institution but david came out a year before modupe, though they didn’t save each other for marriage, but they’re nothing but a pair of wide opened chaste leaf when it gets sunlight in the earliest hour. David had modupe promised never to cross the line in any circumstance and she had believed him, as time went on they became the baft lining which the pocket is useless without and their love grew stronger.
David had told her he was ready to settle down after he’d been granted a position at one commercial bank which had been reliable quite enough, and that the wedding was imminent. Those were his last words before modupe had a flat battery, absolute joy could be seen boldly painted on her face as she paced back and forth in her room celebrating, sleep was a million miles away from her that night, without thoughts of what was left to say, her heart raced like the sound of many footsteps on the stairways making their way to free eatery, running and restless. She recollected herself quickly, clasped her hand over her mouth in sheer excitement.
David had finally accept to marry me ‘she said;
The sun rose sooner that morning, at about seven it had already denote the town, shining super bright that the clouds scuttled out of sight. Modupe took a deep breath in the mirror before wearing her makeup after she had had a rather quicker bath than usual, and her hair was properly done with adornments.
I need to go and see marie, tell her everything, have a good time chat and then my phone would’ve gotten some energy so i can talk to david, she thought to herself smiling wider than that of a moulded snowman, she curtsy quickly and set out after putting on something sophisticated.
The road to marie’s house heaped many dirts on her but she was absent minded. Her joy grew the more as she smiled at a little girl embroidering a basket with palm tree fronds then turned her attention towards marie’s.
Marie a younger but taller than modupe, fairer with a firm well biult body, a belle precisely, had just finished spreading some cloths outside to the sultry weather. Modupe’s voice wasn’t at all strange to her, they had been close friends during david’s graduation small party held at his uncle’s house, and marie had been invited by a friend of david, marie had caught his attention with her beauty and modupe’s absence had made marie a skip in david’s heartbeats, but he shielded it from sight.
How are you, said modupe still smiling, good morning modupe what a surprise this earlier, replied marie. Modupe continued; I’m here to gist you recap of last night but firstly i need to charge my phone, marie led in the way after having modupe’s phone she plugged it immediately they got inside and it charges.
So, what was the gist about girlfriend? Asked marie, it’s david, he’s finally mentioned we wed, wow! Added marie, feeling quite uneasy but was not written on her body.
Few weeks before, david had proposed to marie at one restaurant adjacent to the zoo, presenting her a proposal ring with one knee first to the floor and the other remaining bent on his brown suede shoe, he had asked marie to marry him and without hesitation she had agreed too. Many young ladies would find it difficult to resist david due to his good looks, straight masculine body and a successful bachelor too.
Modupe’s foolishness was enough to blindfold her from observing her fiance newly developed habit the past few months which he hadn’t been paying much attention to her as before. He had been seeing marie and it had became so healthy that david had made up his mind settling down with marie.
Oh! I’m so happy for you, said marie; stretching her hands forward to receive modupe’s and both smiled broadly as their fingers intertwined, though marie wasn’t original.
Suddenly, modupe’s phone rang, it was david who called and with impatient she had first placed the phone to her ear before knowing it hadn’t been answered, she brough it back to sight then answered.
Hello! She said,
Hi, modupe how are you?
I’m fine, she replied. David continued, picking every word like been written on a paper, I wasn’t done talking last night before tour phone went out of reach. I had flat battery, power had been disrupted not restored till now, she said. It’s what i thought, said david as he continued speaking without giving her any chance to reply, i am ready to settle down and sadly it won’t be you, modupe shrieked with a shock, but david just kept on to his words. I only called last night to to let you know the details, how it turned out to be this strange and why i had decided to, and it’ll be a pleasure if you can be present at the event.
I don’t believe you! Please stop this mere joke david, she spoke silently,
I am so sorry modupe, I had been struggling to love you in a while now and it seemed so effortless, I won’t be able to tell this in person that was why I called.
Please david, what ever my wrong deeds we can work it out, i can be what you want, cried modupe, as her face wore thin, contorted with disbelief and on her lips stood a quiver fierce enough to announce an imminent flood of tears, shame dwarfed her inside as a pair of marie’s wide open eyes met with hers, modupe’s blank stir made marie tortured excruciatingly because they warmed the guilt of her conscience.
David you know I’d pluck my own eyes out, serve it to your treat if it’s the call, gabbled modupe.
David’s mind welcomed vague fear of punishments as he told modupe he’d be pretending if he continued with her and that the love had died unfortunately.
Modupe’s eyes became reddish like a burning coal, completely glazed and bigger than it was. Before david could finish talking; her hand lost grip of the phone, the floor received her body in a haste as she fell and marie couldn’t reach her any sooner to break her fall which was as fast compared to an oak tree which had just lost its life to the jaws of an electric saw blade.
At first marie thought it to be a faint but after too many futile attempts in reviving modupe she screamed so loud like the train’s wheels clanging on the rails when making its final stop. Somebody help! She howled in terror, modupe had already died even before the arrival of some petty traders making their way to the market had heard marie’s grieved voice and had came to be of help but it was useless.
Modupe’s heart was attacked, she died and chances of knowing whom she had lost her man to became redundant, her body laid there on the floor with marie’s hands wrapped around her torso and her tears continued and continued like a thousand miles trek. Please wake up modupe, I’m david’s bride to be and I’m willing to let him be with you please don’t go, she cried and her face looked nothing but a pea when trodden on unknowingly.

11 thoughts on “The Other Side Of Love” by Quincy Samsons (@Oluwatosin2015)

  1. I don’t know why, but I feel this title is similar to some that I have read on NS @Oluwatosin2015. You av a good story here but alot is wrong with your dilivery. You were trying to be too metaphorical in your writing and it made some of your thoughts and expression vague and incomprehensive. I will not also disregard the errors.

    1) Your use of small letters for proper nouns e.g david, modupe, marie etc That is really a school boy or girl error. You shouldn’t be making such errors.

    2) “The crickets blares are
    had faded as the leaves absorbed cold dew of
    the twilight” thereis alot that is wrong with this sentence.

    Crickets dont blare, they chirp.

    Dew is always cold, cos using the word cold means there is hot dew also.I hope u get my point. There was not point using cold along with it.

    3) I am an Elect/ Elect Engineer and we do not say,’Power pole’. ‘Powerline is the correct word that you should have used

    4) Your use of punctuation is very poor.It made your story incomprehensible. It appeared so confusing, look at this sentence

    “Modupe would’ve been awake if power hadn’t
    been disrupted earlier the previous day that her
    phone’s alarm could’ve signaled her wake”.

    This is just one among many.

    4) “Tears continued, continued like a thosand miles”.

    There is no verb in here.

    “Tears flowed and continued to flow live the waters of the Nile”, would have sounded better.

    Your use of similes and metaphors should be worked on.

    5)”I’m willing to let him be with you please don’t
    go, she cried and her face looked nothing but a
    pea when trodden on unknowingly”

    This is another sentence that was confusing. Like I said earlier, “this is one among many”. Whose face looked trodden?

    I also noticed that you virtually didn’t use quotation mark. Pls try to read other stories or books to see how it is done.

    There is alot more buh lemme stop here. Pls also proof read also or someone should do it for you.

    Keep on writing.

  2. I love NS, because it is a platform that helps us grow our craft, as we connect with other literary minds. That said, @oluwatosin2015, I enjoin you to try to see any comment as a stepping ground for improvement!

    You had a good story, but the arrangement, grammatical and punctuation errors did no good to its delivery. @thaprince has pointed out myriads of them, and I do encourage you to note them.

    I’ll also add that you learn to put statement in punctuations, say, “David has finally accepted to marry me!!!” she said to herself as wry smiles grabbed the extremes of her mouth.

    You must remember that you are writing to express yourself, to bring us into your mind. The idea is not just to impress anyone, but, like a literary god, to show us the world your create with your pen.

    However, you have made a good start and the sky is your spring board.

    Keep writing, keep improving, keep creating… More ‘inkspiration!’

  3. Good story, not too good delivery–I’m sure you know that already. I’d suggest you search for a good novel you’ve read before, one you really enjoyed reading. Next, try to identify the little details that made you like the book. And finally, employ all you identified in your writing . . . I just felt like sharing what works for me.

  4. First beautiful story. I won’t forget to mention add alittle to what have been said just check your spellings. But you did a great job

  5. Korayday (@DelectableKay)

    Great storyline. I agree with Prince about having your work proofread by others. Also, I suggest you try to keep it simple with the sentences and metaphors; gradually you can raise the bar. Most important thing is to communicate effectively. More grease to your elbow! :)

  6. All’s been said. No one remembered to say you need some lashes Just kidding. I get the feeling you uploaded this with a phone..not a big problem, ensure you get a ‘private editor’ that would tutor you too. You have the talent, you need the ingenuity to express will get better, trust me, everyone does.
    @thaprince it’s nice to hear you’re an elect-elect engineer, I’m also an electrical electronics student of OAU. It’s a wonder why most writers are found among the ‘people of science .’

    @oluwatosin2015 , Don’t stop writing..

  7. @thaprince has already said all there is to say. There is always room for improvement, believe me. Never stop writing!

  8. (@praize): Na so. I share the same idea with you bro.

  9. Tadafe wrote all your mistakes…please let it make you better and not bitter…more strength.

    something tells me you copied some of the expression used somewhere to paint your story.

  10. Yea oh. Let it strenghten you.

    Keep on writing.

  11. criticisms and corrections make you grow in writing, dont relent!

Leave a Reply