Mrs. Pane And I

Mrs. Pane was our landlady- she owned a building that is more like a prison!
Imagine a building separated with a long passage with six rooms at both sides, and we all share a single toilet, bathroom, and kitchen!

Mrs. Pane, that old lady with a loud mouth was also a close pal to my mom, they gossip all evening. She likes to shout at me, and I can’t say why.

One Saturday, she said something in front of the prisoners, I mean the occupants. They were all sitting outside the building like there was a congress. Some were playing games; some were just basking in the sun. But they all laughed at me when she said I looked like a strand of spaghetti because of my straight and lean figure. I believed that was just out of jealousy because her sons were fat and ugly! Nevertheless, I decided to pay her back.

She has a brown towel by the lobby of the bathroom, so, I decided to use it as a medium for my revenge. Whenever I was so dirty after playing soccer with my friends, I bothered not to bath; I just went straight at her towel and wiped my whole dirty slimed body with it. I was super happy, and since I play the soccer every day, the towel was useful for wiping my dirty body- it’s payback time!

The best I did was when I spit on it and rubbed it in. I cleaned my tongue with it and so much more.
I and Mrs. Pane became friends. I no longer frown at her or grumble whenever she comes around and shout. She was surprised, but I was laughing at her though she didn’t realize. She doesn’t have to- revenge is an art, one that I believed I have mastered.

So, one day, it was going to be a long soccer match, so I took the towel with me and promised myself to return it. When I got home, my mom was too keen on reminding me not to leave our things at the passage or outside because anyone might steal it.

“Did someone steal anything, mom”? I asked.

“Of course”, she replied. “Mrs. Pane is back early today- she caught a stomach bug and she frequents the toilet. She couldn’t find her face towel”.

“Maybe some kids played with it”, I said. “They will return it”.

“Well, I just pray they don’t put it in their mouth or wipe their body with it”.

“Why did you say that”? I asked, getting worried.

“You know we all share the same toilet”, she started, “so, in her way of preventing infection, Mrs. Pane always lay the towel on the rim of the closet before sitting on it”.

I belched, but she hasn’t finished, so, she went on,

“She also uses it to wipe her butt because she cleans her butt with water after defecating”.

I didn’t allow her to finish before I fainted!

When I woke up, I vowed I will not give up. My struggle continues, but Mrs. Pane surely got this round!

(C) 2015 KINGwax.

*picture from

6 thoughts on “Mrs. Pane And I” by KINGwax™ (@acmesuccess007)

  1. Quite funny. I’m only concerned that Mrs. Pane after all her ‘shakara’ would still use same towel to wipe her b**t–infection oh!

  2. louis (@luwizdrizzy)

    Jesus…if I were you,I would faint twice,ahh after doing all that things with it especially cleaning your tongue with it…hehe I would even faint 4 the third time

  3. The persona needs system overhaul…there’s no way he’s not infected…

  4. KINGwax™ (@acmesuccess007)


    you see, what goes around actually comes around if you stay in the same place planning an attack…lol

  5. Loool. @acmesuccess007 don kill me with laughter o! Na so you dey lick shit towel all this while?!

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