He is not the one for you

 

She met him at the job interview, while she was standing at the entrance to the receptionists office, she saw him, tall, dark, with brown pupils, she was lost in her thought until he tapped he, gesturing that she should make way for him to pass, she trembled at his touch, but tried to hide it.

On her way out of the company gate she heard the word “hello” with a voice as deep as the Atlantic ocean, she trembled, turned and looked at him, she was confused, uncomfortable, he ran up to her “Am Kunle” he said enthusiastically, she was lost “Betty” she managed to reply, “so how was the interview? ” he asked “was ermmm qui.. quite alright” she replied, he smiled and she tried to smile as well, ” I would love to meet you again” he replied “I would love too and I love you” her inner voice said, she cautioned her mind and replied “Okay, thanks” and walked away, he stood and stared as she left the gate, he smiled to himself and went back into the office.

“Would you marry me?” He asked while kneeling down, she screamed “Yes”, she was really happy, finally at 26 she has gotten herself a life partner.

After church on Sunday, the pastor asked to see her, “Last night in my sleep God showed me a vision that brother Kunle is not the right one for you” he said, she was dumbfounded, confused and mentally disorganized, “but daddy, he is the one for me and I’ve talked to God about it” she said in between sobs, “I know its hard for you but that’s what the Lord showed me, and am sure you don’t want to disobey the Lord”. “But how can the Lord be so wicked to want to rob me of my joy, the flesh of my flesh, the one that completes me” she thought as she was in the bus taking her home. Her phone rang, she brought it out to check who was calling, when she saw “Kunle” as the caller, she became more heart broken, she ignored it.

Three years later, she has not seen the perfect one for her, she became more regular in church, she joined the choir, she volunteered for church duties hoping that Mr. Right would come before her 30th birthday. ¬†Yesterday while she was in church, her phone rang, she answered “Hello is this Betty?” “Yes” she replied “Hey long time its Kunle, are you still in town?” “Yes” she replied with little joy “my wife just gave birth, and I don’t know if you free, I would love it if you can come for his naming ceremony” “ermm the… The the problem is that am not chanced, “but I have not told you the date” “I know but I wont be chanced, am leaving town tomorrow” she finally replied and cut the call………….



6 thoughts on “He is not the one for you” by bethelbrill (@bethelbrill)

  1. * “Am Kunle” . . . It ought to be written as, “I’m Kunle”

    * A well-spaced dialogue would have made the story more reader-friendly.

    * Though its flash fiction, it still comes across as a story that was rushed.

  2. Hmmmmm….. I dnt want to be hard on you but what you need to do is read other people’s work or better yet read books and see how it is done.

    Creative is in the mind and you have to broaden ur scope. You rushed this and it appeared to be something that has been written before.

    Stories can be recycled but if you want to be original you av to think outside the box.

    Keep on writing.

  3. I like the idea behind the story but I think you could have done it more justice. Also, I don’t know if you were trying something new but the whole piece has just one full stop.

  4. I second @thaprince and others.

    I can only say, keep improving

  5. That’s a Nay from me. haba! you didnt try at all. you didnt carry us along at all by rushing the story. I guess you missed out alot of what we would have enjoyed. Please! re-write.

  6. You can only do so much as to tell people what to do to get better but it is then left up to these people to actually seek out that knowledge. Why don’t new writers read?? The excuse of being new isn’t enough because there are thousands of post on NS and I’m sure that one of them was at least written to perfection, why not seek that piece out and learn before you actually write?

    Please I urge you to do that.

Leave a Reply