Virgins in Short Supply

Allah’s Open Letter to Terrorists

Dear Mujahedeen,

I have both good and bad news for you.

Good news first: your self-proclaimed, self-appointed face of terror, Osama bin Laden, is alive. He was never killed. He is cooling his heels somewhere in the Caribbean with a secret army of American soldiers protecting him and a seraglio of 72 harlot American models. See, the Americans lied about it, about Osama himself. I think you understand, it’s politricks. Somebody wanted to remain in the White House where ISIS wants to raise my flag.

Now, the bad news. There is acute shortage of virgins over here guys. The forces of demand and supply are really fighting, and I don’t think the war will end any time soon. And who lied to you there are virgins over here anyway?

 

Sometime in May 1998, just before he sent you guys to Nairobi, Kenya, Osama bin Laden said that he is one of my servants, that you guys do your duty of fighting for the sake of my religion. I wonder whether you really know what my religion is. He claimed that it was his duty to send a call to all the people of the world to enjoy the great light and to embrace Islam and experience the happiness in Islam, that your primary mission is nothing but the furthering of this religion. Seriously? People who refused to listen to my messengers Īsā ibn Maryām and Mohammed and other prophets would not listen to a bunch of idiots with a death wish.

It’s a pity you think that the world can be righted through murder. Isn’t there enough death in the world already from hunger, starvation, calamities, and the stupid wars you stupid humans wage against each other? You might as well expect me to have dinner with Satan.  I don’t see a time when America will be peace-loving enough to stop their nuclear weapons stockpiling and convince Iran to give up developing their own nuclear weapons; that Vladimir Putin will understand that the world is too big for him to rule and vacate Ukraine; that Islamic State will be cajoled to dialogue with Syria and cool down their temper against Christians they behead; that Boko Haram will understand knowledge is the beginning of wisdom; that Israel will know that Palestine too are chosen people, or al-Shabaab will leave Kenya and go to Alaska as they said they would.

Allahs Appeal

When you are being lured with sex by Imams and Sheikhs with a list of crimes I want you to commit against your fellow human beings, do you even take a second to think? Oh, I pity mankind! Lust is your downfall, it always has been. You blow yourselves into smithereens for a promise of sex? Jannah is not a place of immorality, or a fucking brothel if I may use the American lingo. Smell the coffee guys, there are no harems here. You people cannot mete out my revenge as you are lied to when being enlisted. The seeds of hatred are planted in you and it consumes you throughout your purposeless lives.

Well, I understand in this age of social media and worship of celebrities you will crave fame what your terror activities would guarantee. I understand that being just a lone gunman you can hold a whole city hostage. All the media would swarm to you and glorify your Kaffiyehed face to the world. What a glorifying moment!

It has become adage that all terrorists are Muslims but all Muslims are not terrorists, anyone refuting? President Obama insisted in a public response to ritual beheadings that “That isn’t Islam!” You laughed at him in merriment. Or was it my religion, the religion of peace? Tell me, I command you.

The Islam al-Qaeda, the Islamic State, Jabhat al-Nusra, al-Shabaab, Boko Haram, Taliban, Hamas, and the rest propagate is, indeed, madness of psychopathic people with lots of loose nuts in their heads that needs to be tightened. Unfortunately I can’t tighten the nuts without having to kill them first, and I don’t have workshops down there; and to make matters worse if I trod the same ground with you guys I fear you might kidnap me and demand I give you your virgins down there.

Mullah Omar, Taliban shedding all the blood in Afghanistan does not establish my laws on earth, it is a crime against humanity; genocide is the word. William Plotnikov, Dagestan is part of the universe I created; you think I don’t know what is happening there? Abu Muasa’b al-Zarqawi, beheading of innocent people is against what I expect you know from the Koran; Bin Laden in his Caribbean safe house regrets whatever he did to you people. I could give you his satellite phone number, but then you’d go and kill him yourselves.

If your self-proclaimed commanders don’t take it a little too far, Sheikh Aboud Rogo and Sheikh Makaburi would be alive today, or did you think you’d move about killing other people and expect them not to hit back? I know al-Shabaab is a snake and its head is in Little Mogadishu, Kenya, too bad for the Kenya Defence Forces they are hitting at the tail of the snake in Somalia, but you can tone it down a bit.

The 148 people you killed in Garissa University College attack was supposed to be an April fool’s day prank, why did you morons go ahead and mow down the students. The over 200 girls you kidnapped and raped in Nigeria are scarred forever, or did your commanders tell you that the 72 houris had descended and you needed to save them from the infidels you were fighting? Westgate Mall, almost two years down the line, has not been reconstructed. The London train bombing is forever etched in the minds of the victims. The 9/11 scars never healed, so are the memories of 1998 Nairobi and Dar es Salaam twin bombing in Kenya and Tanzania have never faded. All the bombings you’ve done, we stopped taking count. Do you want me to continue? The litany of your atrocities is endless.

Dear mujahedeen, I wish you took a reality check. With the unprecedented numbers of you guys enlisting for my cause which, unfortunately, I don not endorse, or have an iota of, the virgins you are lied to exist here are in short supply. I just took headcount this morning, you’d just stop it if you heard how many I found and compared to the rate you guys are blowing yourselves up. Just have your jihad brides and have all the sex you want while you still can because, for real, and seriously, there are no virgins over here, not for you anyway to say the least.

And if I may give my unsolicited advice, you are not the Creator, I am. Know your place, tend to the little garden I gave you, the world is too big an adversary for you; and eternal life is not gotten through spending all your earthly life committing crimes against my people.

I hope this letter gets you holed up somewhere planning your next attack not just about to press the switch to those vests you love to wear about to detonate yourself. I may be expecting a reply, but I’m not counting on it.

 

Your One and Only,

You know Whom I Am.



27 thoughts on “Virgins in Short Supply” by elovepoetry (@elovepoetry)

  1. Beautiful message..clear and eye opening too.
    You just touched one of the most delicate topics needing attention…
    It’s a pity many in the world do not understand this concept, and more pitiful is the fact that ‘this message’ wouldn’t reach the whole world too.
    Many of these terrorists(especially the young and youthful ones) are not to be blamed though. Most of them have been brainwashed from a very young age and it’s saddening many still are. A sane man wouldn’t volunteer to be a sucide bomber and die in a waste but a person who has been made to believe heresies and misleading conjectures would willingly and so gladly embrace an ‘ignorant’ death.
    This is a very great message, not only to Nigerians but to the whole world. Let’s all spread the good news.

    #TeamAntiTerrorism

    1. Thank you very much @praize, it really is a sad state of affairs. But as much as we would like to blame the youth for joining blindly, it is the ‘sane’ old men who radicalize them with extremism, and tell them that they are fighting for Allah.

  2. This nicely written, unlike don’t die a virgin.
    Every individual has his/her free will, truth is in the holy book, no matter how someone tries to brain wash you, at least seek the truth for yourself.
    For all those who kill in the name of Islam they’ve already left Islam.
    There is jihad but only if you are oppressed and stopped from worshiping.
    If the Prophet (s.a.w) could co exist with the Christians in his time then these guys are on their own.
    Suicide is one of the biggest sins in Islam, so I don’t know where they got the ideas of suicide bombing from, those who take their own lives are going straight to hell, those who also misinterpret the scriptures to suit them are also going there.

    1. @ameenaedrees, see, I am not an enemy of this our religion of peace. Many a time it is distorted for selfish reasons and interests, terrorists advance an ideology of terror and violence. I am sure God frowns on them. It is such a sad state that the old put these ideas into the young minds of our African sun. If you can share it over there as @praize pointed out, the message would home in to some people somewhere.

      Thank you for reading.

  3. I sincerely hope that all those intending to blow their selves will get a chance to read this letter, as it is the creator’s wish and a truth to its fullest. Nice letter. a solicitation for peace

    1. True @Pierre@7154, we should all stand against these leeches. If we were gun-trotting like them, Boko Haram wouldn’t have killed thousands of people, al-Shabaab wouldn’t be massacring Kenyans en masse, al-Qaeda wouldn’t be heard of, and those who have fallen by the terrorist’s bullet and bombs would be doing something good today for the world.

  4. Hmmm! wish those objects here get the mssg and make a.change. Islam is indeed a religion of peace, semantically, the word itself meqns peace but whoever judges islam negatively due to the action of dis gruesome people should cleanse his/her mind. Nice write up bro, AHSAN

    1. Thank you @Easylife32. I too hope the message/letter will be well received and the postman won’t hide it.

  5. Whoa! This is a very nice written letter from our maker.

    The problem the world is facing is people problem. We humans are what’s wrong with the world. Not religion. We some how have just lost our minds completely. How dark is the human mind???

    1. @ufuomaotebele, you are right. Michael Learns says if we saw the world in the eyes of a child we’d hold the earth in our arms. I agree with you. We humans need to change.

  6. @elovepoetry. Enlightening in a serious and funny way.
    Please let’s not deceive ourselves and say Islam or other religions only preach peace, of course they do but they also preach violence and war, read the holy books carefully and you will see instances where God tells his followers to fight and kill in his name. I wonder why he won’t come down and fight his own battles. Religion can be so terrible it intoxicates followers more than alcohol, drugs, opium e.t.c.
    I was born a muslim but I’m disappointed in Islam and other religions I have taken time to study that I now consider myself an agnostic. I’m done with religion. I just believe in peace and still respecting the religious views of others even if I don’t agree with them.

    1. @danjuma, life changes us from what we are. I believe that religion is a conspiracy that was created for selfish reasons and has been propagated throughout the ages. Like you I don’t believe in religion. You are Agnostic, I am both Agnostic and Gnostic, but religion is a whack.

      Thank you for reading.

  7. I’m sharing this straightaway. God bless you for this write up.

    1. @eberenwosu, please do, and thanks for reading and sharing.

  8. Nice message, just wish they too can see it and have a rethink.

    1. @Emsteves, unless people change, our problems won’t end. Thank you for reading.

  9. Atyms, I sit down to ponder who was the first person to propagate the killing in exchange of virgins theorem. And the people so assidiously carry out the task as if there are no virgins in the world. Infact they are the ones who get married to virgins the most because they marry little girls within the range of 12-14years. Why are those virgins not satisfying them? Please this message needs to get to every muslim and have their brains re-examined and that portion that has been harboring this theorem either recieves a factory resetting or it is taken away from the brain. Nice piece.

    1. @gmoney, me too, I just wonder. Misinterpretation of the noble books for selfish reasons, politics, conspiracies by secret cabals of power thirst people… all and others are some of those who propagate such acts.

  10. Hahaha, @elovepoetry , this was very smart. Very clear message Nice one.

    1. Thank you @six for reading, and commenting.

  11. Somebody wants to die…

    I like this – but do I like it because I happen to agree with most of the sentiments expressed, or do I like it because it makes clear, logical sense on EVERY LEVEL?

    If I was a muslim, would I still like it?

    Hmmm. This I gotta contemplate…

    Nice work though, dear @elovepoetry.

    It’s been a minute.

    1. @Seun-Odukoya, it has been long. Thank you for your comeback to my work, I glad am you liked it. The questions, I can’t answer. But well, terrorists are really pushing it.

  12. Another clear anti-terrorism message from @elovepoetry. Great choice of words. Now, the frustrating question is that how many of them will get to see this?

    1. That is the question @mcsnol. @elovepoetry tried to get the message to a TV station in Kenya but didn’t make it. But well, nice message.

      1. @mcsnol, thank you for reading. I really did as @vincentdepaul says, but it hasn’t gotten anywhere. But you can try… share all over your cyber space.

      2. That’s sad. Someway, somehow, i hope they eventually get the message.

  13. Sure will. Good job.

Leave a Reply