Angel’s Gel

 

ANGEL’S GEL

See these butterflies darling pretty Rose!
These little beauties once danced within me
They swam in my belly the day you chose
To be my wife and my children’s mummy

I bet you’ve never seen me like that
At least not before the night of proposal
When I dorned a perky black hat
To look like handsome Steven Seagal

You liked the actor so much, didn’t you?
Maybe you even loved him than poor me
You know the kisses i had with you were so few
Yet you blew poor Steven so much that he did see

And the day he saw you on the iron beetle
He thought he had never seen such a pretty angel
You know i had once thought like that too
Like Steven who swept you up like a graceful camel

While I waited like an ignorant loser
Holding two ice creams, hoping you would come soon
You and Steven were on the roller coaster
Dancing to each other’s romantic tune

So you see what a naive loser I was
Longing and waiting under the scorching sun
Panting, sweating like a tired horse
When you and your knight were long gone

What about our nice invitation cards
That poor Mama sweated to get ready
Mama sold all her silky lengthy yards
Just so we could have a beautiful wedding

Alas, with Steven you did elope
No, you didn’t elope, did you?
You appeared on that movie, “FAINT HOPE”
Where you smiled like the morning dew.

But then handsome Steven beat you one day
So much that you grew a tinny winny horn
On your head like an erroneous clay
Then he fired his dusty deadly gun

He missed, thank heavens he missed!
Quickly, you bolted out of his ‘rosy’ life
And disappeared like the early morning mist
Before your throat was slit with a knife

Now you’re at my sacred wedding altar
Groping on your knees like an unwanted sack
But I’ve got a new angel with a character
Better than you begging me to take you back!

Away! You devil clothed in angel’s gel
I’ve got a new pretty Godly damsel
A lady who chases not vain luxury
But love and heavenly’s treasury…
Away!

 

Hullo readers, it’s been a while I sat down to really write a poem, so I just drafted this out to break that jinx.. I hope I’ve not gotten rusty…(u knw wat a mean). So just read carefully with an hawk’s eye and highlight the mistakes…Plus I will gladly accept critiscms, so don’t pocket them (or try to be softé) lols…

 



15 thoughts on “Angel’s Gel” by praize (@praize)

  1. Smoothmidnightmistress (@Smoothmidnightmistress)

    Well then Praiz listen to the Tales At Night Time on Smooth 98.1 fm on Tuesday at 10pm to hear what listeners think of your poem.
    As for me, I love its rhythmic quality and imagery.

  2. Nice one, though the rhythm and rhyme scheme of the poem wasn’t it for me.
    It would have been nice if ended each line with rhymes that flow. For instance look at verse three

    You liked the actor so much, didn’t you?
    Maybe you even loved him than poor me
    You know the kisses i had with you were so
    few
    Yet you blew poor Steven so much that he did
    see

    If you had something like;

    You liked the actor so much; maybe you even loved him than poor me, didn’t you?
    You know the kisses I had with you were so few.
    Yet you blew poor Steven so much that he did see you.

    The pattern of your rhyme scheme didn’t give the poem proper rhythm. Apart from a few verses that were like verse three the others were ok.
    I am not sure of your writing techniques when you do poetry, but trust me when I say poetry is one genre of literature that non-writers do not consume alot,unlike prose that receives alot of views. Some of them are just waiting to see your rhymes, some the rhythm and some the use of your vocabs. I am not teaching you how to write poetry just giving my views Noone is perfecr at this. We all are in a learning process which will lead us to getting better at what we do. This is coming from one poet to another. Hope to see more of this. Nice one bro.

    1. Okay…I will take note…thanks for taking time to read..
      I was trying to make the 1st line rhyme wit the 3rd and the 2nd with the 4th…the rhyme scheme would now be “abab” instead of “aabb” as you suggested….buh I will take note from now on, it didn’t occur to me the rhymes were a little lame, I will try and write something better….Thanks for taking time to comment, see ya around..

  3. Rhoiy (@Roy-journals)

    Oh I think you did a good job. I enjoyed reading it. Like Prince said, there were a few rhymes that didn’t go well, but generally I enjoyed it.
    Clear meaning.

    1. I’m so happy you enjoyed it..I have gone through some of your prose too…they are quite beautiful…thank u so much..

      1. Rhoiy (@Roy-journals)

        Oh Thanks Praize! I appreciate your kind words. It’s all practice.

  4. It’s a nice poem. It flows, and the rhythm is just OK according to me. Poetic license is what every poet waves when cornered @thaprince, and your suggestion is just OK, however it’s all about how one decides to write. I don’t know what you will say about E. E. Cummings’ ‘anyone lived in a pretty how town’ when he decided to write a flat poem without punctuation.

    1. Lolz…that looks pretty ‘out of the town’ as well…I think I’m going to check out that poem, I’m a curious fellow…Thank you so much for taking time to read…

  5. @danjuma
    I’m glad you enjoyed it….thanks for reading..

  6. I like the topic and your style. Due to time restraints I tend to skip around the poetry posts despite the fact that I post poetry often. So as I was saying, I like your style because you didn’t drown this piece in imagery, which is why I was drawn in to finish reading it . The flow was a bit off but that’s really my only complaint

    1. I’m grateful for the correction..I’m sure I’ve read some of your poems but I can’t really remember the ones I read…Thank you once again Miss….
      Or are u a ‘mister??’

  7. Me thought you was a gentleman! Don’t no lady come on all fours and you not help her to a seat first?! I be a gentleman or else imma dismember your six-letter name! Hehehe just messing with you.
    I enjoyed reading “Angel’s Gel.” In the end, you are not a lovelorn. Glad you aren’t.
    How far, have you refrigerated the “two Ice-creams?”
    I like the way the poem “sounds out” too. Well done sire.

  8. Nice one. Just work on all the errors and you are a greater poet

  9. @dolphineyes Been a while, poet. Thank you so much for the comment…and yes I was confused with your tease at first..gracias man.
    @chijy Thanks, man

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