Dead Dog

Dead Dog

Fatima

PROMPT#3

Simin lived in that dust-pinched, one-room apartment with her boyfriend Barry, and his dead dog, Zulu. She had been concerned with dishes, out of wedlock, for three years, when the scrambling mammal collapsed under the sink. It wasn’t quite dead yet; she was staring at dog-paralyses or whatever it is Doctor Abu called it.
Barry came back late, saying something about the air condition in his office;
“Today was hell.” Then, he noticed how strained she felt. Thank God for a man like that in her life. “Have you done the dishes?” he asked.
Simin hated the feel of water recently. At first, she told Barry that she hated giving Zulu a bath, and then the kitchen sink really started getting on her nerves.
“That dettol smell is not fooling anyone.” He didn’t sound angry. She could accuse Zulu of having diarrhoea up until the world ended. However, she wandered how Barry would feel if she told him that everything would be just fine once Zulu was out of their lives- that she was certain that they would get married and have a baby then.
“- Where is Zulu?” Barry asked.
“We have to call the Doctor Abu again.” Simin hoped that she didn’t sound psychopatic.
Barry wrapped his wrist-watch back over his wrist. “I want to get some air outside.”
“Aren’t you calling Doctor Abu?”
“Let’s allow Zulu die in peace.” Barry bumped the chair backward, got up, and walked out of the door. Where are you going Barry? The dettol cloud made her feel stagnated.
Simin walked back into the kitchen. The afternoon light sat blandly over the oil and fermented stains. Within the umbra of the mounted sink was Zulu’s limp body. Why wait? She plunged shoulder deep into the poky store-room, where she found a shovel. How about a placard that read Good ridance to Zulu the Bingo, Oh what a name!?
She reeled back. She remembered yelping, and then, Doctor Abu saved her from falling. His face was dignified, but his fingers secured her wrists.
“Easy madam, where are you going with that?”
“Welcome Abu- Barry called you didn’t he? Zulu is dead. I was just going to bury it.” She didn’t know Abu well; but she hoped that he would never tell Barry that she tried to bury Zulu alive.
“Madam calm down, nobody is dead.”
“I am calm” Simin felt angry. Why was still clutching her wrists? “If Barry didn’t call you, then you can go.”
“I don’t know any Barry or any Zulu. Please madam, let go of the bed support.”
She slithered through blurred, mental surges. The shovel lurched horizontal. She could never have mishandled so much disinfectant; she fell, light-headed, into the sponge of a hospital bed- Saint Albert Clinic. Doctor Abu, still in his white overall, loomed over her.
“Hallucination is part of the symptoms of rabies.” He let-off her wrist.
“I want to talk to my boyfriend.”
“You live alone Madam. However, your mother called.”



8 thoughts on “Dead Dog” by nora dominic (@noradominic)

  1. hahahhahahaha yes!!! I loved this… till the very end of course. Great job. You just have to watch out for tiny errors, like commas, spelling check and all that which I know that you will learn soon. but anyway, your story telling skill-suspense skill was just perfect!

    Keep it up.

  2. “She had been concerned with dishes, out of wedlock, for three years, when the scrambling mammal collapsed under the sink?”

    Say what?? How can someone be concerned with dishes for three years out of wedluck? Does that sentence make any sense to ya?
    See if you want to say something make sure you say it. Don’t just try or attempt to say it. Errors like this at the beginning of a story stop readers from going further.
    It also wasn’t clear who was saying or thinking something.
    Each dialogue should start on a new line. Stick to one person’s point of view. Either you tell the story from the girls pov or from the guy or from even the dog. Or omniscient. Don’t jumble everything together.

    1. What sort of review is this? The story was told from only one point of view- and what is wrong with a writer choosing to be ominiscient? The story was an easy read.

  3. I have finished the story. It still makes no sense. But I know whatyou were trying to do. It didn’t work.
    Would have been a great story though.
    Rewrite it later.

    1. What sort of review is this? The story was told from only one point of view- and what is wrong with a writer choosing to be ominiscient? The story was an easy read.
      SMH

  4. @NORADOMINIC. Lol, I like this especially the way you ended it. Well done.

  5. @NORADOMINIC Well done…lmao and im.not sure why! Okay i know why; at first it was because of the story’s sending and then Kaycee’s comment which to some extent is true.
    You should SAY and not ‘attempt’ to say….especially that dish-washing part…..i couldn’t make sense of it but anyway, fair attempt i must say.

  6. Korayday (@DelectableKay)

    I’m with Ugochukwu on this one…certainly liked the ending.

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