Benny: Crushes

CRUSHES
It’s been two months and I had already made a couple of friends, 3 actually their names were Abies, Adaora and Ngozi. They were ok but all they ever seemed to talk about was babie and Hannah Montana I wasn’t much of a talker so I just listened. Infact, I was pretty sure they did not know I was there half the time.
So you can imagine my surprise when they all surrounded me when I entered class on Monday.
“hey benny whats up ” adaora said with this smile that said I know something you dont. Honestly, I was beginning to seriously hate this girl she was the clinche mean girl. She had spoilt brat written all over her but, I didnt have many friends so I had to force my self not to insult her anytime she did or said something stupid.
“Nothing really just a boring weekend”
“Did you hear” ngozi asked me
“Hear what” stupid girl, is it not from the door you started asking me stupid questions or IBS now has town crier.
“That king ….ouch” she said this and looked at adaora
Dont let anybody deceive you I might look dumb, but, I am anything but, I knew what ever it was she wanted to tell me adaora just stopped her. Whatever I was gonna find out sooner or later.
“Hey kingsley.”I said when I got to my seat
“Hey….hi how was your weekend…mine was great”
“It was ok” weird what did he do, thats making him nervous.
10 minutes later his elder sister came to collect duster from our class then she looked at me and said something weird
“Thats her right…. cute” oh my God what did I do, everybody seemed to know about it but me.
I later found out that word had gotten out that kingsley had a crush on me. Embarrassed does not begin to explain how I feel at that news it was surprising I mean we had talked a few times but he never said anything. God I hope he gets over it soon because I didn’t like him like that infact I had a crush on a guy from jss1b who I had been talking to and I knew that he liked me too. After that revelation things got a bit awkward between us. On my part I was ready to pretend like it never happened but I guess he was embarrassed about the whole thing.
After the whole kingsley incident people started noticing me. I enjoyed my two weeks of fame, it was fun while it lasted. But as expected, a week after midterms, I heard that he wrote a love letter to chika another girl in my class. Honestly my ego was a bit bruised I know I said I wanted him to get over it but am a girl, we love attention, especially if that attention is coming from a cute guy. I kinda thought his crush will last till the holidays at least. but the good news is once he got over his crush we became cool again. Thank God for the low attention span of boys.



15 thoughts on “Benny: Crushes” by sia (@sarahmorgan)

  1. This is a cute tale. I like it.
    Correction: I think you meant Barbie not Babie and
    Cliche not Clinche

    1. sia (@sarahmorgan)

      thank you for reading and commenting. The spellings are noted.

  2. sia (@sarahmorgan)

    where are all the ogas at the top please come and comment and critique my work
    @ufuomaotebele
    @Ugochuckwu
    @Levuz
    @innoalifa
    @ameenaedrees
    @olajumoke
    etc

  3. “It’s been two months and I had already made a couple of friends, 3 actually their names were ( ARE) Abies, Adaora and Ngozi. They were (ARE) ok but all they ever seemed to talk about was babie (BARBIES) and Hannah Montana I wasn’t much of a talker so I just listened.”
    lol.. Sia, I loved watching Hannah Montana don’t crush the rest of her fans…

    “10 minutes later his elder sister came to collect (duster)” you made my day!

    I remember when you first started this story… Keep working on it. Spacing is key so that your words are not all clustered together.

    This part was short thought. I’m not sure where you are heading with the story. Your targeted audience are young teens right?? you have to actually sway them in more. I would have love to recommend a book fro you to read but I’m not sure you’d be able to get a hold of it.

    But anyway Sia, keep writing!

    1. sia (@sarahmorgan)

      Thank you for the corrections. Don’t mind me I was actually an Hannah Montana fan.
      I am going to try to make the next part longer.
      About what I am trying to do with the story, I am just trying to describe the day to day life of a Nigerian preteen/teen cause I noticed that most of the stories here show adult life or college life.

      Sorry to bother you but can you please send me a msg here cause I have been trying for ages to send you one but it’s not working. I remember you offered to be my writing coach and I tried to take you up on that offer but the messages didn’t go. Thank you

  4. The story is cute though flawed in some aspects.
    Paragraphing, wrong spellings, names starting with lower case letters.
    Write read and reread you’ll definitely get better as @ufuomaotebele has said keep writing and @innoalifa has eagle eyes. Hope he checks it out.
    Also read other’s work here on ns, check out @ufuomaotebele‘s page, forgiving you that welcomed me to ns and @olajumoke‘s our angels.

    1. sia (@sarahmorgan)

      Thanks for commenting.
      I am going to work on the paragraphing the spellings and the names starting with the was an lower case letters was an accident. I am an avid follower of all the writters you mentioned including you and I will continue to read to learn more.

  5. Hey…first off, i’m not an ‘Oga’-yet.
    To the story….
    -You got major major problems with punctuations.
    -Your style of writing, its not getting me hooked…in terms of the structure. You keep switching between *a girl telling a story and *a girl writing into a diary.
    -and as Amina said, there were loads…LOADS of grammer and spelling errors.
    -as for your paragraphing….when typing, hit ‘enter’ twice.

    1. sia (@sarahmorgan)

      lolz if u say so who am I to argue with you
      punctuation is my major problem in writing
      the spelling and grammar errors have been noted
      The paragraphing tip has also been noted
      Thanks for reading.

    2. sia (@sarahmorgan)

      lolz if u say so who am I to argue with you
      Yes that’s true punctuation is my major problem in writing
      the spelling and grammar errors have been noted
      The paragraphing tip has also been noted
      Thanks for reading.

  6. @sarahmorgan, ‘Oga at the top’ gini? lol
    Note the corrections above… as analysed by the real Ogas at the top.
    Errors ridicules articles.
    Pay attention to the art, love it and RESPECT it.
    I’m still guilty of errors too tho, but I hope you understand?

    Welldone

    1. sia (@sarahmorgan)

      Yes nah you are still part of them ooh
      I understand what you are saying
      Thanks for commenting

  7. Hi Sia.
    This is interesting. Well done.
    You are a teenager, right?
    I like your teen girl diary style.
    However, even with this style you still need to observe the rules listed above. Simplicity in writing actually makes errors more noticeable.
    Don’t worry though, the more we write, the better we get. I wouldn’t recommend my first series that Amina mentioned *smiling* it is littered with errors. Let us just say, it was written years ago and I have improved…lol, since then. I didn’t get there just by writing.
    Reading (novels, short stories, non-fiction by new, published and unpublished writers) studying the market, following good online magazines and learning about structure, plot etcetera helped. I’m still constantly working on my art. You can try these too if you want.
    For free impressive writing, try Brittle Paper, Kalahari Review and you can read free samples of published writers on Amazon. Writers from your genre – Young Adult.
    You can actually learn to punctuate better by reading and studying how writers achieve that feat with their dialogue and narrative.

    I would have written some of your dialogue like this (You did really well with your dialogue by the way. Just needed a bit more work) –

    “Nothing really. Just a boring weekend.”
    “Did you hear?” Ngozi asked me.
    “Hear what?” (The thought that followed *hear what* should be italicized so we know it is isn’t part of the dialogue. Stupid should only have been used once. There is no need referring to someone as stupid and then saying they are asking stupid questions.

    I hope you keep working on your art, you are at the right stage of your life to dedicate your time to becoming a fabulous writer.
    Let me know if you need anything else.
    Keep writing Sia.
    Hope to read plenty more from you.
    Well done.

  8. sia (@sarahmorgan)

    Thanks for the corrections, taking time to read the story and for the recommendations they are highly appreciated….. I actually wanted to go with the italicized thoughts but the app I used didnt work.

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