My Worst Mistake

MY WORST MISTAKE

‘This is not a case to be settled here on earth, the court to resolve it is high above the earth’ i said to myself as i stirred the tea well to allow the strange substance i added to it blend well.
Knowing him not to skip the warm tea he drinks before dinner for anything, i found it the best transport for him to the afterlife, where i would then meet him an hour later.
Temitayo William, my dear husband was the man i considered the best husband until three hours ago when i learn about his dirty secret. If not for our laundry man who came here to get the dirty clothes, i wouldn’t have found the skeleton he hid carefully well in his wardrobe.
I stared at the picture of the boy about three years old, who because my six years old marriage wasn’t fruitful would take over my father’s property which i gave fully to my husband. The name below the image reads ‘Olakunle William’.
Two hours later, he entered with his suit case firmly in his hand, i would have ran to him and rest my head on his shoulder while he would plant a light kiss on my lips but not tonight. I tried to hide the boiling anger inside me but it was to no avail.
‘Darling what is the problem?’ he asked when he noticed my face was deprived of the usual smile.
‘It’s nothing, i just had a slight head ache and i have sent two tablets of paracetamol to take care of it’ I lied.
He went inside to change and freshen up while i helped him microwave his ride to heaven, so he can enjoy it better. He came out later hiding something in his back.
‘My love close your eyes, i have a special gift for you’ he said putting on the charming smile he used to enchant me when we first met.
I did as he said and when i opened up, i was mesmerized to see him holding a teddy bear. For the first time in five hours i smiled. What a remarkable man he was? My mind quickly played the memories of all those romantic moments we have shared and my hot rage cooled down. Eventhough i still hate him for his betrayal, the urge to have him in the grave vanished from my mind. I realised also that i wasn’t ready to hitch a ride to heaven yet.
He took a seat at the dining table where i have laid the tea mug and a plate of fried rice for him. I prayed in my heart that he ignore his tradition today and eat the rice alone but my heart almost jump out when he raised the mug to his lip.
I was saved by his ringing phone which made him put down the mug and took his call. The call lasted for only a few seconds ending with the word ‘Thank you very much’ from Tayo. I asked who the caller was and he told me it was from his friend Lawrence.
A thousand volt hit my heart when i saw him lift the tea cup from the table again. He was about to dip his lips inside when i shouted.
‘Don’t drink it’. He stared at me with surprised.
‘Why? What is wrong?’ he asked.
‘Please don’t drink it, it has been poisoned’ i confessed.
‘Poisoned? By who?’ he asked.
Instead of answering the question i broke down on the sofa.
‘Answer me Kemi’ he barked.
‘I love you, did everything for you but yet you betrayed me’ i poured out.
He looked as if my words found no meaning in his ears.
‘What do you mean?’ he asked.
I pulled out the picture which was the source of my distress and shove it to him on the table.
‘Is that not him, your secret son, Olakunle Williams’ i said shooting accusing look at him.
He glanced at the picture and smile a little before changing his facial expression to a stern one.
‘So this is why you wanted to kill me? I never thought you could be this jealous. Can’t you see that this is my childhood photograph?’ he said showing me the picture.
‘Don’t fool me Tayo, this isn’t an old picture and Olakunle isn’t among the names i know’ i blurted refusing to give in to his lie.
He explained that the picture was the reprint of the old one he picked up when we went to visit his uncle at the village few weeks ago. He further stated that the name Olakunle was given to him by his late grandmother.
I didn’t believe him until he produced the old picture, it was then that i realised that i had made a terrible mistake. I went on my kneel pleading before him.
I wet his feet with my tears as i begged him continuously to forgive my mistake. He stood up and pulled me up.
‘Dear i have a confession to make, it wasn’t Lawrence that called me earlier. The call was from our family doctor, he told me you are three weeks gone’ he muttered.
His last three words kept ringing in my ears, indeed i went to the hospital last week when i wasn’t feeling fine and the doctor ran a few test but i never went for the result when i was fully recovered the next day. So my womb is carrying an issue? Thank you lord for preventing me from committing what would have been MY WORST MISTAKE.

Written by Oluwafunminiyi
Komolafe



12 thoughts on “My Worst Mistake” by Oluwafunminiyi Komolafe (@Niyopumping)

  1. Chai….damn i almost wanted to snatch the mug from his hand too…thank God o…hehehe..no amount of betrayal is worth killing for please…

  2. Thank God the act was averted. it would have been the greatest mistake ever. #murderer #jealousy. Nice story!

  3. Your cover is a different thing from your Title…..work on that
    Your tenses too are quite inconsistent, work on that too :)

  4. Am speechless but thank goodness this was averted…you would have killed your husband and even yourself for nothing

  5. MY OPINIONS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS IN BRACKETS.
    ‘This is not a case to be settled here on earth, the court to resolve it is high above the earth’ i said to myself as i stirred the tea well to allow the strange substance i added to it blend well.
    Knowing him not to skip the warm tea he drinks before dinner for anything, i found it the best transport for him to the afterlife, where i would then meet him an hour later.(REALLY NICE AND CLEAR PICTURE YOU PAINTED HERE.APPARENTLY,SOMEONE HAD WRONGED HER SO BAD THAT SHE’S ABOUT TO COMMIT A MURDER SUICIDE.)
    Temitayo William, my dear husband was the man i considered the best husband until three hours ago when i learn(LEARNT) about his dirty secret. If not for our laundry man who came here to get the dirty clothes, i wouldn’t have found the skeleton he hid carefully well in his wardrobe.(“CAREFULLY WELL”SOUNDS WEIRD.WHY NOT JUST SAY”VERY CAREFULLY”)
    I stared at the picture of the boy about three years old, who because my six years old marriage wasn’t fruitful would take over my father’s property which i gave(HAD GIVEN) fully to my husband. The name below the image reads ‘Olakunle William’.(THAT WAS RATHER VAGUE.CAN YOU SHED MORE LIGHT ON WHY SHE THINKS THAT THE BOY IN THE PICTURE IS HER HUSBANDS ILLEGITIMATE SON)
    Two hours later, he entered with his suit case firmly in his hand, i would have ran to him and rest my head on his shoulder while he would plant a light kiss on my lips but not tonight.(WHY DID SHE MAKE THE TEA 2 HOURS EARLY?I’M LEAD TO BELIEVE THAT HER HUSBAND ARRIVED 5 HOURS AFTER SHE FOUND OUT.DON’T YOU THINK IT’S TOO SOON FOR HER TO WANT TO POISON THE GUY?WHY NOT MAKE IT A WEEK LONG AND MAYBE TELL US HOW SHE’D BEEN CRYING IN HIS ABSENCE AND MOMENTS WHEN SHE THOUGHT HE ACTED IN WAYS THAT CONFIRMED THAT HE WAS OR ONCE HAD AN AFFAIR,BUT WAS ACTUALLY JUST BEING PARANOID.TELL US HOW SHE GOT THE POISON) I tried to hide the boiling anger inside me but it was to no avail.
    ‘Darling what is the problem?’ he asked when he noticed my face was deprived of the usual smile.
    ‘It’s nothing, i just had a slight head ache and i have sent two tablets of paracetamol to take care of it’ I lied.
    He went inside to change and freshen up while i helped him microwave his ride to heaven, so he can enjoy it better. He came out later hiding something in his back.(I LIKE THIS)
    ‘My love close your eyes, i have a special gift for you’ he said putting on the charming smile he used to enchant(THE WORD “ENCHANT”MAKES IT SEEM LIKE A “JUJU” THING.i’m just kidding!) me when we first met.
    I did as he said and when i opened up, i was mesmerized to see him holding a teddy bear. For the first time in five hours i smiled. What a remarkable man he was? My mind quickly played the memories of all those romantic moments we have shared and my hot rage cooled down. Eventhough i still hate him for his betrayal, the urge to have him in the grave vanished from my mind. I realised also that i wasn’t ready to hitch a ride to heaven yet.(COULD YOU DESCRIBE THE TEDDY?CUTE?PINK?DID IT READ :I LOVE YOU”?)
    He took a seat at the dining table where i have(HAD) laid the tea mug and a plate of fried rice for him. I prayed in my heart that he ignore his tradition today and eat the rice alone but my heart almost jump out when he raised the mug to his lip.
    I was saved by his ringing phone which made him put down the mug and took his call(“AND TOOK HIS CALL”THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT PHRASE). The call lasted for only a few seconds ending with the word ‘Thank you very much’ from Tayo. I asked who the caller was and he told me it was from his friend Lawrence.
    A thousand volt hit my heart when i saw him lift the tea cup from the table again. He was about to dip his lips inside when i shouted.
    ‘Don’t drink it’. He stared at me with surprised.
    ‘Why? What is wrong?’ he asked.
    ‘Please don’t drink it, it has been poisoned’ i confessed.
    ‘Poisoned? By who?’ he asked.
    Instead of answering the question i broke down on the sofa.
    ‘Answer me Kemi’ he barked.
    ‘I love you, did everything for you but yet you betrayed me’ i poured out.(DOESN’T SOUND LIKE SHE POURED OUT ANYTHING TO ME.SOUNDS MORE LIKE SHE BLURTED OUT)
    He looked as if my words found no meaning in his ears.
    ‘What do you mean?’ he asked.
    I pulled out the picture which was the source of my distress and shove(D) it to him on the table.
    ‘Is that not him, your secret son, Olakunle Williams’ i said shooting accusing look at him.
    He glanced at the picture and smile(D) a little before changing his facial expression to a stern one.
    ‘So this is why you wanted to kill me? I never thought you could be this jealous. Can’t you see that this is my childhood photograph?’ he said showing me the picture.
    ‘Don’t fool me Tayo, this isn’t an old picture and Olakunle isn’t among the names i know’ i blurted refusing to give in to his lie.
    He explained that the picture was the reprint of the old one he picked up when we went to visit his uncle at the village few weeks ago. He further stated that the name Olakunle was given to him by his late grandmother.(AM I SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THAT A WIFE OF 6 YEARS DOESN’T KNOW ALL HER HUSBAND’S NAME.UH UH I’M NOT BUYING THAT.MAYBE USE A FORGOTTEN NICKNAME)
    I didn’t believe him until he produced the old picture, it was then that i realised that i had made a terrible mistake. I went on my kneel (KNEES)pleading before him.
    I wet his feet with my tears as i begged him continuously to forgive my mistake. He stood up and pulled me up.
    ‘Dear i have a confession to make, it wasn’t Lawrence that called me earlier. The call was from our family doctor, he told me you are three weeks gone’ he muttered.
    His last three words kept ringing in my ears, indeed i went to the hospital last week when i wasn’t feeling fine and the doctor ran a few test but i never went for the result when i was fully recovered the next day. So my womb is carrying an issue? Thank you lord for preventing me from committing what would have been MY WORST MISTAKE.(WERE YOU IN A HURRY?RELAX AND TAKE YOUR TIME.THE ENDING JUST SEEMS TOO RUSHED)
    nice storyline.I must commend your creativity.always stick to one tense though.Nice job.Keep writing!

    1. @Anastasia Hey… can you please come on the website more? We need one more person like you to guide us writers. I know it takes time to read and then make the corrections so thank you for putting in the time and effort.

      NS needs you!!!!!

    2. @Anastasia ….I OFFICIALLY WELCOME TO NAIJASTORIES….hohoho, finally!!!!!!!

  6. Overall, the intense scenes didn’t quite jump out more. I think its something that can be fixed with a choice of better words that pushes those scene right on our face.Your “I” should always be in capital letters. Try using this “quotation marks” instead of ‘this’ it makes it easier to separate their dialogues and so it doesn’t seem like its the thought from the narrator alone that we are hear.

    I liked the story. Irrational reactions or response to what we hear or see could land us in big hot soup. I’m so glad she had the love let in her to stop him from drinking what ever was in the cup. I don’t remember you mentioning that either.

    Keep writing!!!

  7. @ufuomaotebele and @ugochuckwu.I’m flattered.thanks a lot.I’m on this site quite a lot of times,as a visitor,reading stories.I hardly comment because most of the stories are series which i don’t understand.And sometimes,i’m just scared that people do not actually want their work to be critiqued,they just want to be commended.But if there’s any special piece(not series)that you want me to take a look at,it’ll be my pleasure!

  8. Just send me an inbox.

  9. @Anastatia : I really appreciate you for the time you took to read and edit my stuff, be rest assured i will work on all the points you mentioned.
    Thanks guys for your comment.

  10. Lovely story. Just needs a few touches where recommended, and it will make it a nice piece. Regardless of that, I enjoyed it.

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