Remembering James

As i am staring through this window. All the memories flood my mind. Memories of time past, memories that could have been.

It all started on a bright sunny day. I was fixing my hair in the saloon when my neighbour’s daughter walked in.

“Sister good afternoon.”

“Angela how are you?”

“Fine.” She smiled. “Someone is asking of you.”

“Who is the person?”

“One man.”

“One man?” I asked thoughtfully. “Ok go tell him i’m coming.”

“Okay.” Angela walked out of the saloon.

 

I stepped into the compound seeing james standing at the front of my door.

“Oh my God. James.” I threw myself into his arms. I was so happy to see him after three years.

“My love.” He held me tight. ” I missed you so much.”

“Me you too.” I said with so much joy.

“How is America?” I asked as we stepped into my one room apartment.

“Fine.” He smiled. “It’s a beautiful place.”

“Indeed.” I picks up a remote and flicked on the the Tv set. “That’s why you do not want to come back home.”

“Not really.” He cast me a sincere smile. “There is no place like home.”

“I wasn’t expecting you at this time.” I said flicking through the Tv channels. “You told me you will coming at end of year.”

“Yeah. But i couldn’t wait any longer.” He smiled. “Get dressed. I want to take out.”

“Really. Okay let me take a quick shower.” I smiled sweetly. “I will be out in ten minutes.”

 

Few minutes later we arrives at the beach.

“This was the first place we met. remember?”

“Yes.” I said staring at the sea.

“I have a surprise for you.” He stared at me straight in the eyes.

“Surprise?” I said thoughtfully.

“Yeah surprise.” He smiled. “Close your eyes.”

I stares at him thoughtfully and close my eyes gently.

“Open your eyes.” James said.

I snapped my eyes open. “Oh my God.” Tears of joy runs down my cheeks. James was down on his kneels holding a diamond ring.

“Will you marry me?” He asked.

I pulled him up and breathed the word. “Yes. Yes.”

A self satisfied smile quirks the corner of his lips. He puts the ring on my finger. “I love you.” He said and planted a kiss on my lips.

I couldn’t stop the tears of joy running down my cheeks. “Thank you so much.” I held him tight. “I love you so much.”

 

The day was getting old when we left the beach. Jame decided we should spend the night in his house.

Few hours later James rolled the car into his compound. We got down walking toward the front door. Two men walks into the compound telling us to stop.

“How may i help you?” James asked.

“My name is spider.” The tall one said.

“And i am scorpion.” The other one said, bringing out a short gun from his jacket and pointed it  toward James. “We are here to collect our dues.”

Fear grips me. Oh my God! they are robbers. I was shivering.

“Please don’t shot.” Fear shadowed James words. “I will give you anything you want. Please.”

“Move.” The tall one said.

The two robbers followed us into the house. “Where is the money?” The tall one yelled at James.

The second one pushes me to the floor. “If you misbehave i will blow your head off.” He said, pointing his gun at me. “Turn your face down.”

I turned down my face shivering in fear. “Please.” I said under my breath.

The tall one followed James into the room and back holding a briefcase. He pushes James to the floor. “Where is all the money?” He yelled. “You think we came here to play.” He said  kicking James on his stomach.

“That’s all i have please.” James struggled in pain.

The other walked close to James and hit him hard on his head. “Bring all the money.” He yelled and kicked him again.

“Please stop. please.” I said soberly, begging them to stop hitting James.

The tall one stared at me and moved close to me. He grabbed my hair and yanked me up to my feet.

“Please stop.” James said soberly. “Leave her alone please.”

“Shut up.” The other robber yelled pointing gun at him.

The tall one released my hair, he pushed me down to the floor and poised between my legs.

“No please.” My voice trembled. “Please don’t.”

“Shut up.” He gave me a slap, spread my legs open and slid into me with fast ease.

“No!” James struggled up and pushed him away on top of me. “I beg you please.”

The other robber rushed James and gives him a heavy punch. “You bastard.”

The tall one pulled himself up. His eyes were dark and burning with anger. “You fool.” He spit out the words and fired a shot from his gun.

James went down, his face shield full of blood.

“No!” I screamed.

I scramble to James and pulls him into my arms. “No! James no!”

The tall one picked the briefcase from the chair and they walked out quickly.

“Somebody help.”

I cried, i called, but only sad echos answers me. It was too late, James died.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



10 thoughts on “Remembering James” by Harry Enomamien (@Silvadereal)

  1. You were running as you told this story.

    You used periods instead of commas in some sentence. Example,
    “As i am staring through this window. All the memories flood my mind.”

    I think by now, you should have known that your “I’s” should always be capitalized.

    “The day was getting old when we left the beach. Jame (JAMES) decided we should spend the night in his house.”

    Just minor errors but overall, it was rushed and the conclusion of being in the beach and attacked by robbers was very predictable and at the end, James died.

    Try working on how you present your works so it doesn’t seem like we’ve read it before.

    BUT! your cover picture was so gorgeous, that was the main reason I clicked to read. The picture can easily call someone in. GREAT JOB ON THAT.

    1. @ufuomaotebele Thank you so much.

      Much appreciated.

  2. @silvadareal nice one. Quite a number of errors tho. @ufuomaotebele has said it all. Believe me!

  3. Okay…

    Obviously you can write and that’s good.

    But I wasn’t ‘wowed’ by the story. Maybe because it had no proper closure or resolution of some sort; it looked like an uncompleted piece…If this is how it ends then i don’t think its a finished idea.

    I believe if you think through the story again, you’ll come out with something better.

    1. @Afronuts I will surely work on it over and over again till i get the best of it.

      Thanks you so much.

  4. Some major tense problems as well but keep at it, you can only get better.

  5. That part where she turns on the TV and flicks through channels just didn’t sit well with me. Is it realistic that the first thing she does is this when she hasn’t seen him in three years?
    The words “fast ease” and “slid” are also not words that are usually used to describe sexual assault. Especially when the narrator is the victim.
    Ufuoma and others also have valid points.
    Keep working on your craft. You can only wow us.

    1. @olajumoke Thank you so much.

      #Smiles#

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