Only once have I felt this way.
She was sitting on the adjacent column, a few seats to my left. I can’t remember what took my attention to that direction as I stood, gisting with my friends while we waited for the next class to begin. Whatever it was, thank you! I became transfixed immediately I saw her. My eyes widened and my mouth stood agape – never before have I seen such beauty. I think I stood watching for minutes, unaware of my environment as my friends tried to revive me. It was not until Wale shook my head that I regained “consciousness” and cowered at the roaring laughter that emanated from my friends. That was our (my) first encounter.
Throughout that day I never remained the same. I struggled to comprehend the remaining lectures for the day as my mind consistently returned to the encounter, reminiscing the flamboyance of the beauty that weakened its emotional defenses. I left early that day as every effort I made to concentrate ended in futility. The remaining days of the week that followed suffered greatly and I couldn’t help.
The next weekend I returned for lectures and started gazing from one row to another hoping to find her. She was nowhere to be found. I felt bad and my heart beat weakened. As the lectures progressed, I had the urged to turn to my right, the same urge that directed my gaze to her beauty the first time. Immediately I turned, I saw her, sitting in mesmerizing grace and quietness, listening to lectures. My heart skipped a few beats and then calmed down. It was the first time in the last 7 days that I felt such peace. The calmness that emanated from her quietness was enchanting. I couldn’t resist and had to ask for her name as the lectures continued.
“Ayo”, she replied calmly and quietly. But I was far too gone to hear, I just continued to mope!
I continued the conversation after classes. Oh my…, she was not just physically beautiful but also beautiful in speech and expression. Her voice was soothing and her lips (thin and lush) moved with glamorous harmony. And then she smiled… That was the last straw that broke the camel’s back as my defenses came crashing like a pack of cards. I lost my voice and composure and kept gazing. I just kept gazing…
I utilized every opportunity I had to chat her up and finally asked her out – over the phone (her beauty was too much for my composure to handle). She didn’t give me affirmative response but I have been on her tail up till this moment. By my nature, it is not easy for me to claim love but I know I love her and have told her severally. Her excuse was that they was a guy in the way – I respect the sharpness of that guy, but I did not give up hope. I know you would query my stance because there are other beautiful ladies out there. I agree with you, there are more beautiful ladies out there, but I am not just interested in her beauty; I am interested in her whole personality.
She had this allure and calm around her and spoke with grace and charm. I felt peace and my worries disappeared each time I spoke with her and I knew that with her, my “intellectual madness” can be cured. I knew that she could calm my nerves by just saying “peace, be still”! I knew that she was a gift and even though there are other assets that looks like and can replace the gift, the gift would still be special – because it is a gift.
But things have changed, she told me, literarily. I still cannot fathom the meaning of that expression but I hope it means that the smart guy has removed his hands from my gift! But you see, with women, you cannot be so sure. I feel that I may not be doing enough to win her heart and that I may not be doing things right. But can you blame me? I am in love and I hear and know that when you are in love, you are bound to do stupid things. The last time I felt this way, I borrowed cash from my friends and brought my pocket money for the week together so I could take her out – it was that bad! AY, if you are reading this; please tell me how to win your heart, cos I haven’t got the faintest clue. I just know that I love you!
I would love to know what she feels about me though. If she has thought about me or if she thinks about me frequently the way I do about her. I would love to know if she feels the way I do and if we, coincidentally have the same dreams and wishes. I would love to know if she, you know, loves me! I see signs though, but I am not an expert in “romanceology”; I still cannot (or do not want to) predict where these signs might lead. I do hope they would lead to the affirmative. But while I wait, I plan to remain positive.
Only once have I felt this way. Only once…