A Kiss Of Death

A Kiss Of Death

A KISS OF DEATH
A seeming tranquil water
In her grip men falter
Wears docile look within frame
Just a miscalculated tame
In a lift of fingers
She pulls a cap
Wakes from slumber that lingers
A slaughter to a nap
She burps air so swift
Hisses at the parting gift
Froths angrily through top
Makes friend with the cup
A kiss begets a sip
A taste coming to whip
Fathers gulps that ensnare
With crawls of a snail
Drips went down with flames
Drench lips in fractured smiles
Rouse him in haughty claims
Assurance huge as piles
Eyes burdened with her weight
Hunger spills,refuses to wait
He begs for more bottles
Against his will she throttles
A jump to his feet
He remains unfit
Steps languish in shuffles
Unguarded spirit ruffles.



6 thoughts on “A Kiss Of Death” by ebuka (@himalone)

  1. Ebuka you alone. Lovely poem.

    1. Thanks reading the piece but i need your criticism

    2. Thanks ufuoma for reading the piece but i need your criticism

      1. “A seeming tranquil water
        In her grip men falter
        Wears docile look within frame
        Just a miscalculated tame”

        Here I believe you are talking about beer, or wine or some other liquor. It looks regular enough in the bottle, a seemingly harmless liquid.

        You used “tame” simply to fit the rhyme. A sense of the liquid’s (false) tameness is what you had in mind, I guess.

        “In a lift of fingers
        she pulls a cap …
        … She burps air so swift”

        the poem’s voice now switches to the bottle itself, no longer on the liquid. Was that on purpose or was it an oversight?

        “Froths angrily through the top
        makes friend (sic) with the cup”

        Focus is now back to the liquid itself. With all the frothing and foaming we have confirmed its good old beer.

        Line should have been “makes friends”

        “A kiss begets a sip…” etc

        Voice has now switched to the drinker. You may consider putting this as a separate stanza. (Not especially necessary though, but makes for clearer understanding)

        Finally, I guess the man already had a drinking problem. For it to take one glass to spiral him into all that at the end.

        The poem was nice.

        1. I really welcomed your analysis,it was deep-cut.one needs such in this art..as u noticed i shifted to and fro between d bottle and its content..doing so brings d topic to full effect ‘a kiss of death’.kissin d bottle invites harm from its content.thanks alot for critically reading this.

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