Sleeping Gods

The gods of our fathers, take a seat. Yes, I speak to you, protectors of the ancient landmarks, come here, take a seat and hear my case.

I hate to follow my senses at this time, but I think I believe them when they tell me you are all asleep. Or even dead! Protectors of the image of the African landscape, you are all in an eternal slumber. You have failed in your duties. You are so defenseless and say nothing of the things happening, or have you also been swept by the modern trend?

I know, I am mortal. But I challenge you immortal keepers of the trans-generational creed, rise up to your duty!

We no longer sit by the fires to hear grandpa’s folktales. The moon no longer sees opportunity to illuminate our attentive ears and intent faces. No, no longer do we sit before great-grandma, beside the hugging smell of the udara tree and under the glowing hue of the moon to hear her stories of ‘Mbe and Agu‘ slugging it out in a show of wisdom vs strength. What have you done, allowing our revered tradition slip away?

We no longer visit the streams. You must have heard that that thing they call blore hole – or is it borehole? – has now taken the place of our streams. No. How will you hear, when you are in deep slumber?

Even our food is now being desecrated. Do you know that our young boys and girls, our own children, now use fork to eat akpu. Fufu kwa? FORK TO EAT AKPU, gods, and you all are asleep. Chaaiii. Abomination! Ihe ojoo emeee.

Our virgins have gone haywire- that is if they still are what I call them. They now display the holy things you endowed them with in public places. I even hear it is because one Kim Kadasha, abi is it Kim Kadershi, or Kim whatever, did it. What of our nursing mothers? They now use bottle to feed our babies! BOTTLE! They say they don’t want their breasts to fall. Ancient ones, can you imagine such brazen foolishness? Ha si na, ha achoghi ka ara ha daa. gods, they say they don’t want it to fall, and you are still sleeping! Cheeii! My eyes have seen the back of my ears.

I hear you no longer accept cowries, that you now prefer laptops. I hear you no longer accept fowls and goats. You now demand Murano and Infiniti. You are now modern gods, lost in a world of shameless culture, endowed with brazen harlotry and disrespect.

Sleeping gods, I dare you to wake. I dare you to rise.

I also heard you don’t accept kolanuts anymore. Shawarma is now your love. And my heart bled when I was told our reverred ‘kai kai-‘ the great ‘akpuru achia-‘ has been substituted for champagne, moet and baileys.

Oh! Oh! Woe unto a people whose watchmen have gone stone dead in sleep. Woe unto the land that has sold itself cheap for a taste of western culture. Woe unto the people who dance their native dance to the sound of foreign beats. Woe! Woe!! Woe!!!

If you will not hear me and rise from your slumber, I will take my case to the seas, the Skies, the land and the heat- the keepers of the four elements of our survival- water, air, earth and fire. They will be the centre for the rapprochement of our history, our common existence and our progress as a culture; and will provide the cure for this cultural sickness called civilisation. Sleep On.

Ukpala, the great Osisi, has spoken.



18 thoughts on “Sleeping Gods” by Stanley Esdee David (@stanfuto)

  1. Bravo! I love this piece, it’s an outpour of the mind as a result of a deep reminisce. it’s so unfortunate that the so-called gods are fast asleep on mouka and vitafoam respectively. #civilization is the in-thing. our culture has lost its value when children don’t kneel and prostrate to greet their elders again, when young girls bleach and their parents say it’s fashion…. story for another day!

    1. Really true @Shovey. Bleaching the skin and plastic surgery is now the trend. May God help us oo. Thanks for reading and commenting jare. May your culture not die in your time.

  2. Ukpala nwamm…….Ndi oke nyii anula gii. In our next board meeting we would consider your query, please be sure to have on your 4g service for the Video Conference meeting.

    1. Hahahahahah hehehehehe, @Ugochukwu, I have already subscribed and my 4G network is super sharp. I can’t wait for the meeting to begin. lol. Thanks a whole lot.

  3. Awesome!!! So many points you touched on that I can’t even begin to point out again… Humor, reality and truth was what surrounded this piece.

    Okay lemme say a few things jare. First!!!! Virgins have not all gone extinct joor some are still in there. Secondly! Lol mothers now feed their babies with bottles afraid of their boobs falling because they no that once it starts to fall, you men!! Will go out and look for tht young virgin with pointy boobs…. do u undersatand what am saying??? So yea we women, we no what we doing…

    Alright bye

    1. Hehehehehe. rotfl. Of course Virgins still exist oo. Ukpala was just very angry at the sleeping gods. lol.
      I hope Ukpala will understand your stance with the bottle thing ooo. The man is just too traditional. Whether the boobs fall or stand, Ukpala doesnt care o. He simply wants the new born to have a taste of the succulence of the African breasts. Anyway, I will relay your point to him :-).
      Thanks a lot @Ufuomaotebele. You rock!

  4. This a nice monumental piece– so they know when it all started!….
    @stanfuto, Nice Piece

    1. @Gabi, thanks a lot. Yes oo. No matter how tall and strong a tree grows, it can never deny its journey started from its roots and it is still connected to its roots. Thanks a lot for reading.

  5. This is a serious truth in a hilarious way… nice @stanfuto

    1. Really serious truth. Thanks @Aminat for reading and commenting.

  6. This was funny and still maintained its relevance. Great read.

    1. @anakadrian. I am glad you liked it. Thanks a millie.

  7. This is an outstanding piece, I actually laughed out loud in the part of using fork to eat akpu, all you said is true, very true.
    sooo sad our culture has almost gone extinct.

    1. Yes o @ameenaedrees, Spoons and forks are now the style for some us, and Ukpala is really furious. lol. Thanks for reading and commenting. Gracias.

  8. its not only young people that use forks to eat fufu oh, once saw an uncle using it to eat eba and when I tried to do it, it just felt wrong.

  9. lol so funny. Dont mid those fake girls let the breast sag jor the babies need it see selfishness @ufuomaotebele lol! Nice one

  10. you guys on naijastories will not kill somebody with laughter oh. When I got to the akpu and fork part, i burst out into laughter and my husband gave me a look like “are you okay?”
    kim kadasha or kam kidushu,? Hahahaha
    okay, i guess i am guilty too. my babies were bottlefed to an extent. in defense of that, read @ufuomaotebele‘s comment. Get the drift now??
    I miss the tales by moonlight in my grandma’s backyard.
    I don’t speak igbo but the language added authenticity to the piece. good job

  11. Nice wt a Sarcastic twist but definitely true…couldn’t help laughing @ the Akpu & Kim K’s parts

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