Mr Ant And  Mrs Mosquito Palaver

Mr Ant And Mrs Mosquito Palaver

Wetin my eyes see,my mouth nor fit talk. Oyinbo man go say “I was surprised”. My people, nor be everything wey eyes see,naim mouth dey talk. But this matter wey dey ground so, no be wetin mouth go keep quiet for. If I keep quiet even God go vex for me, yes He go vex for me well-well.

After night vigil for church, I say make I run go toilet go kaka. As I wan open the door I begin dey hear voices. I think say these voices na from the next compound so I relax my sef. But the voices dem nor loud. E be like when person dey do amebo so e begin give me concern. But because the kaka hold me well-well, as per morning things na, na so I balance dey do my thing dey go. But for my very before, as I sidon for toilet , I see something wey I never see for my life.

These days strange things dey kuku happen, so person nor dey surprise again when some things dey happen. Who believe say to shake person , just to shake o,person go collect Ebola virus? If dem tell you say he possible you go believe? But na wetin we dey use our korokoro eyes dey see so.

So when I see wetin I see so, I been shock first, but as things take be for this life-nothing dey shake man pikin again. My people for my two naked eyes, I see one soldier ant and mosquito dey gist o. Dem just sidon like say dem dey beer parlour dey discuss!!! Whether dem think say I nor dey hear their language

Mrs Mosquito: ( with tiny voice) Some of these people wey dey call dem sef Christians sef ehn, na for mouth o. Na FOR MOUTH! Even this one wey dey shit so, he think say we nor dey see wetin he dey do for night. (she come dey point her small hand to me) God dey see you, if you think say church people not dey see you. And you call yourself church worker.

Mr Ant: My sister, nor mind all of dem jare. Wetin my eyes dey see for this people hand ehn. You nor believe say the other day, I just dey do my usual stroll pass the pew naim I see chewing gum wey dem take plaster the chair. Even this one wey sidon like say na only dis shit dey e yansh so, if you see wetin e dey do sisters for church ehn, you go shock.

Mrs Mosquito: Ahan, my brother, dat one nor be news again na. Na today? E don tey. No be so, I fly pass the female toilet day before yesterday when I see two ladies dey talk say, today na today. Say dem go show those brothers say dem still dey market. Dem come dey arrange their breast make e for fit stand well-well.So dat the brothers go confuse. Na so I shout blood of God!

Mr Ant: (interrupt am) You sure for wetin you dey talk so?

Mrs Mosquito: You think say at my age (3months old) I go dey lie for you? I don pass dat level na.

Mr Ant: You know say queen say make only female workers dey enter that female toilet, so we nor dey enter there.No soldier dey enter female toilet.

Mrs Mosquito: I know na, una dey do wetin una dey talk. No be like some human wey dey talk, dem nor dey do. You believe say brother and sister for church o,wey dey pray together, dey never marry o, but dem dey live together? I tire for this people o.

Mr Ant: No be you tell me the story of your grandmother wey go suck a Christian woman blood, come dey vomit?

Mrs Mosquito: Yes o. She go suck blood make she for give the family malaria free of charge, but na she carry the malaria come back house o.She begin shout blood of Jesus,blood of Jesus, there is power in the blood of Jesus. Wetin make all of us born again?

Mr Ant: You tell me that day na.

Mrs Mosquito: Yes, na so all my family fly go that house go observe wetin make my grandmother sick. We come discover say dem no dey joke with the word of God o.
Mr Ant: Na so you talk.

Mrs Mosquito: You fit believe say dem dey write a verse of the bible wey dem dey hold on to for a whole month? Just one word.That month dem dey confess I John 4:4. Wey say the one wey dey live inside of us dey bigger than wetin dey this world.

Mr Ant: na wetin dis Christians nor know be that. Dem still dey play ludo with God. And God dey watch dem. How person go know dis kind God and go dey do smell-smell. Sote bible tell the lazy ones among dem say make dem come learn from we Ants .Can you imagine dat kain ting?

Mrs Mosquito: I can imagine am o.I can imagine, because na so we dey take nor imagine until Ebola come. The thing wey dey pain me inside be say Christians dey fear.

Mr Ant. Na so O, you nor go believe say yesterday when people dey pray and dem one round up.U know say dem dey hold their hand in agreement?

Mrs Mosquito: yes

Mr Ant: you nor go believe say, one woman nor gree hold person hand o. She dey fear Ebola. INSIDE CHURCH, for inside prayer meeting?

Mrs Mosquito: Wetin she come dey pray since? When she nor believe the God wey she dey pray to?

Mr Ant: dem suppose to dey call all these people unbelievers not believers, because some of them nor believe at all.dem nor believe at all, at all.

Mrs Mosquito: Shebi na the one wey you see, my pikin tell me say even ushers dey refuse to shake people wey dey come inside church.

Mr. Ant. (shaking head) God have mercy on this your people o. the other day dem say make people dey baff with salt water because of the Ebola. Come see as Christians, dey rush dey use salt water and hot water dey baff.

Mrs Mosquito: I even hear say some people put tomatoes and pepper join the salt.

Mr. Ant: (laughs) that one na pepper soup na. Dem use pepper soup take baff…(looks up)Papa God, you dey see your people so?

Mrs Mosquito: God dey see dem well-well. Even Himself dey laugh him people for their foolishness!

Mr. Ant: If He dey laugh wetin devil dey do?

Mrs Mosquito: Devil nor believe am na. Him wey bring the virus nor think of salt water as solution.He dey wonder say human beings go always dey show different kind of knowledge.

Mr. Ant: The thing tire me o

Mrs Mosquito: E never tire you o. You nor see as this guy dey look us. E be like say e dey hear wetin we dey talk.

Mr Ant: E good make him hear o. Make he go tell him people after all they just finish night vigil.

Mrs Mosquito: I beg make we dey go before he go carry him yeye leg take march us, I never ready to die now.

Mr Ant: we go dey talk later na

Mrs Mosquito: yes, I dey go work jare. See you later.

Mr. Ant: Okay, you go sell well today o.

Mrs Mosquito: Amen, thank you my brother. Godspower?

Godspower: yes mama.

Mrs Mosquito: oya let’s go o.

Na there, I begin confess all my sins to God o. You wey dey read this story so, are you a believer or an unbeliever? Na you know yourself o.Me I don born again,AGAIN!

9 thoughts on “Mr Ant And Mrs Mosquito Palaver” by sambright (@sambrightomo)

  1. Hol’ up, you said this was a memoir?? Oya come and explain yourself @sambrightomo.

    1. wetin dem dey explain again? @six?

      1. Lol, I be just dey joke. Nice one mahn.

  2. Ufuoma Otebele (@ufuomaotebele)

    Hhehehehehehhehehehehhehe….. very funny piece. I dey clap for you here. This is the first time i’m reading something this long writen in full pidgin… It made me realize my pidgin sucked…. I was like where is the english, where is the english… but i kept pushing mysef to read it…. the humor i got from this could only be accomplished in pidgin english form so I’m so so glad you used pidgin… This whole story is like one month of my pidgin english lessons…

    I really enjoyed the story and the awareness laid out through out the story…. Mr Ant and Mrs Mosquito have to be the funniest lilttle thing ever!
    are you usually this funny?? @sambrightomo or is it just your writing skills that’s speaking for itself??

    1. awwwwwwwwww, thanks @ufuomaotebele this is the first thing I am hearing that is smart and encouraging in while. Thank you soooooo very much. Watch out for more… #hugs

  3. Really this is good, I give you that respect, you’re good…
    You’re worthy of thy ‘points’..
    There are so many writers who just “carry titles” but their work isn’t convincing…
    Good job, bro…thumbs up..

    1. @praize thank you so much, I hope you also got the crux of the matter? thanks man

  4. @sambrightomo,
    i no go fit talk lie
    this story make brain
    and i dey feel your voko
    “ka chigaba!”

    1. hahahahahaahh… thanks jare, better person….

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