A Date Gone Wrong

Ok… now this was just crazy! I’d been sitting here for the past two hours listening to this dude complain about all the women in his life scaling from his mother to his female cousin, down to his niece and then there were the girlfriends…ex girlfriends he had corrected. For heaven’s sake, I hadn’t even said a word since I sat down. He’d been going on and on about how complicated women were blah blah blah that I wasn’t even sure if he knew he was here to have a date with a woman. As a matter of fact, only his voice could be heard echoing round the largely spaced fast food joint he had chosen as our hanging spot.

“So I knew I didn’t wanted her anymore in my life, you know and you are not going to believe her response…” he finally paused as he took a sip from the iced coco-cola drink. I rolled my eyes glad that I could finally hear my own breath and heartbeat. If I had known that this was how the date would turn out, I would have just remained in my apartment watching the slides of my laptop screensavers. Yea! It was that bad! I had no movies to watch and my only friend wanted to be with her boyfriend tonight…Alone..So here I was wishing I didn’t step out of my house to honor the rubbish invitation of a date.

“…’go to hell!’ I mean, why on earth would she say that? Women are just nuisance” he complained spitefully. “I mean God made a mistake creating you people, honestly,” he concluded.

I shuddered unsure if to respond to that statement or let it wander in the air like every other lame remark he had uttered. I’ve been paving through it, haven’t I? One more hour wouldn’t hurt. I had promised it was going to be three hours and I intended to keep my words…only if he would stop talking, please…

“Can you believe the other day….?” he went on and then I knew I was doomed. Absolutely doomed! The dude wasn’t going to stop talking, was he?  I pleaded with my inner self to be patient. All will be well I promise I pleaded quietly.  Silently I watched each tick on my wristwatch and smiled, then grinned and then chuckled, all pretentiously at every stupid joke he threw around. I could literally see them hanging in the air because they couldn’t get passed my ears. What more could I possibly do? I could easily run out from there and jump into a cab, straight to my apartment and honestly at that point, I could pay anything just to out of there but I was a JJC in this part of the town and had foolishly left my wallet at home and yeah! Karen(my only friend)’s number wasn’t connecting either, so I was conveniently stuck with the loser but God knew I never ceased plotting an escape route.  “God! Karen, why did you do this to me? I lamented.

“So Karen said you were bored and needed someone to take you out. Hope you are having a swell time?” he asked, grinning from teeth to teeth, probably congratulating himself for doing a demeaning job.

I was about to answer when he grabbed my hands and kissed them.

“I really like you Sophia and I want you to be my girl” he announced as he pulled his seat closer

Slowly I withdrew my hands and was about to tell him how dreadfully he was as a date when he hushed my lips and stared solemnly into my eyes.

“You don’t have to say anything but yes, Sophia, all I wanna hear from you is yes” he whispered quietly as he held my hands to his chest, blinking dreamingly at me. From the corner of my eyes, I noticed a black ant crawling up to his plate of fried rice, a meal he had ordered  two hours earlier and had barely touched. I wasn’t quite sure if he was still going to have the meal, so I figured the ant could do its thing and enjoy a free dinner. Mr black ant acknowledging a rare opportunity, alerted his pals and I could imagine them giving the hurray shout and doing the alanta dance as they matched into the meal. I smirked…

“Oh that’s great…that must be the yes I’ve been waiting for. Now I can eat” he smiled, heaving a sigh of relief as he dug into his meal and began to churn down its content embroidered with the ants. I made to alert him but he gave me a wave and dug deeper into it. I growled and excused myself to the bathroom. It was a despicable sight.

The bathroom which was littered with toilet papers, stunk so badly that I could barely make it through the door. Bent at a corner was a little girl in a flowered gown peeing into a half filled coke can. Grinning mischievously at me, she picked up the can and fled the bathroom. I shook my head perplexed as I began to wonder if the night was cursed or something.

Returning to my table, I found the little girl hugging Thompson, my date and offering him the can of coke she had just peed in. Her parents who were obviously acquainted with Thompson were engrossed in a conversation with him, oblivious to what was going on.

“And this must be your date” the girl’s father muttered politely as he offered me his hand for a handshake which I took reluctantly. The little girl recognizing me, raced off with her siblings leaving the can behind.

“We should leave you two to get back to your date. It was a pleasure meeting you Sophia” the man’s wife announced but her glance seemed to linger on Thompson and for a brief second i thought i noticed a wink- You know, the kind of wink that says “come see me later”- as they took their leave. Hmmm, I thought but quickly, I threw aside the thought as it was my sole desire to be home immediately. Anything to be away from my dreadful date.

“Kids!”Thompson chuckled as he settled back on his seat and looked at the can coke in front of him. “…don’t you just love them?”

I mumbled in agreement and stared passed him, as I recalled that few hours earlier, he had mentioned not being a huge fan of children and now he was? I shook my head making absolutely no move to remind him of his contradictions but simply informed him that it was time to leave.

The drive to my apartment didn’t take as long as I had anticipated. He had sang all through the ride with his husky voice bouncing off the rears of the car in various keys that would have made a deaf man knock him hard on the head . When he finally pulled to a halt, I gave a quick thanks to God and jumped out of the car. He walked briskly behind me with the can coke in his hand.

“So you don’t want me to come in with you? He asked winking as I got to the door and turned it opened.

I nodded and made to go in but was stopped abruptly as I felt his arm round my waist.

“Oh come on, please?” He pleaded as he made to kiss me. That’s when I lost it. All the rage I had managed to keep bottled up all through the excruciating three hours had come bursting free and my palm was on his face before I could stop myself.

“God! What was that for?” he queried as he struggled to steady himself.

“That’s for calling us nuisance…we are nuisance abi? And yet you want some of “this”. I pointed to the lower part of my abdomen. “We shouldn’t have been created and yet you want me to be yours. In case you didn’t know loser, you ate ants at the fast food joint and…” I stopped myself as it dawned on me that he was yet to take a drink from the can coke… “and please don’t ever show up here again” I roared as I banged the door behind me and raced to the window to take a peek at what he would do next, seriously wishing he would take a drink out of the can of coke.  God please, let him take a drink from it I prayed as I watched him shrug at the door and then walked back to his Volkswagen car, the one popularly known as tortoise car. Looking back at my door, he smirked and gulped down the whole content in the can coke. I roared into laughter as I watched him in a madly state, spit out the liquid in a rush and in frustration, he yelled……

”Women!”

 

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Written by Iwediokpulu Quincy 14/03/2013 1:02pm

 

 

 

 



21 thoughts on “A Date Gone Wrong” by Kycee Q (@KyceeQ)

  1. Hahahahahahahahahaha I love this, mehn, glad he drank the coke, stupid boy.

  2. LMAO………………….nice read

  3. Well planned….I love the style of writing too…

  4. Lovely, its a pity some people are just so bitter about the opposite sex. Next time u re out on a date pls remember to leave home with ur ‘VEX’ money!

  5. Hahahahaha the girl tried for even staying. Clap for her for her patience. As for the guy, he will be alright. Women, girls are going no where….

  6. Ten mins with him and ciao would be my next word..i wont torture myself listening to all those ranting

  7. Very amusing :)

  8. ROTFL!!! The chick try oo. To Sidon for 3 hours with that basket mouth no be beans. Thank God he drank the Coke he deserved every drop.

  9. Lmao…this is too funny. .

  10. Hhahahahahahahah…………… Cant stop laughing ooooo, serves him right! Female Chauvinist! LOSER! That was a nice one from Sophia, I would av done likewise myself. #winks

  11. Very engaging and funny story.

    The Thompson guy was very believable and the girl’s personality reflected in the way she handled the situation.
    Your narration flowed nicely and carried us on a pleasant yet amusing ride.
    However I wasn’t so sure about the little girl pissing in the coke can scenario. It didn’t sit well….also the fact that she offered it to Thompson…on what grounds did she do that? whats the reason? Also how was Thompson able to hold an open coke can all through the trip to the house in an old volkswagen that probably never had bottle holders? How was he able to drive with the coke can? Why would he want to reach her house before drinking a can of coke that could have been drunk at the eatery?

    I know there was an attempt to make him pay for his obnoxiousness but the coke can scenarios don’t cut it for me.

    Still it was an enjoyable piece of work, well done and keep writing.

  12. lolx @afronuts true it looked unbelievable and didnt seem to cut…but if you’ve been around mischievous kids you will know what they are capable of…hence giving gifts they know they shouldnt give. Thompson apparently took the can coke from her because he didnt want to be rude(he was also conversing with the girl’s parents because he knew them and probably even had a thing with the mother) by throwing it away even though from the beginning we already knew he was already drinking something. Also in the story, it was mentioned that the distance from the restaurant to the house wasn’t far and unless it was a bumpy ride, there is little chance that an opened can coke wil spill…

  13. O-Money (@Omoniyi-Adeshola)

    @kyceeq, oh boy…this was very evetntful…no dull moment. Abeg, you fit tell story o….well done…you do really well for here. Kudos

  14. Another nice one from you.

  15. I won’t stay for such dat kinda date that’s when I will remember that I am a tad bit overweight. I go trek am.
    Although he waiting surely had its benefits

  16. I won’t stay for dat kinda date that’s
    when I will remember that I am a tad bit
    overweight. I go trek am.
    Although her waiting surely had its benefits

  17. Nice one, I needed the laughter.

  18. Like aadetoyin said next time take vex or cab money

  19. Lmaooo so funny! I cant stand guys like this I dated one once he was so full of himself and insane he failed to realize that the common denominator in his problems was himself and not the women. If women are such a problem Thompson should go and date men lol.

    1. lox…toh! i agree!

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