The Twitter Handbook

Over the years, I just felt Twitter™ should have had its own handbook. Since that’s not forthcoming, I’ve put together mine, thanks to Mr. Cerebrum *taps cranium* and some online bodies. Enjoy..


1] First and golden rule : thou must not twitfight @howolarbi_ [I wrote the rules, remember?]

2] Thou shalt not lose thine self respect [Believe me, that’s the only thing you have on twitter]

3] To thine own self, be true.

4] Thou must not tweet to suit people. Your TL is thine, and thine alone.

5] Thou shalt follow nearly as thou are followed [Hello! Twitter’s a telephone, not a megaphone]

6] Thou shalt not tweet something amazing you saw without the pic [Don’t make us edgy, please]

7] Do not announce an ‘unfollow’ [Have some dignity]

8] Do not tweet and drive [You die, Twitter lives on. Simple!]

9] Thou shalt not quote retweet from the back [Else, I’ll assume you think from the back]

10] The love of autocorrects is the beginning of wisdom

11] Do not tweet that you are bored [We never told you we’re all related to BasketMouth]

12] Remember #FollowFriday to keep it holy

13] Remember the golden rule : thou must not tweet ‘weed’ if you use weed.

14] Thou must resist every urge to constantly tweet your location [those niggas you twitfought are watching]

15] Thou shalt not tweet of something personal, except you crave ‘Ks’.

16] Thou must not carry your follower count on your head like gele. What happens in twitterverse stays in twitterverse.

17] Before joining a twitfight, check if you have more followers than at least one of the participants.

18] Thou must not twitpic thy face. The struggle to release hateful comments is on.

19] Thou must not feel the urge to spot all gbagz. Karma’s a b*tch.

20] Thou must always retweet if you see “RT if you love God” [HE saw you scroll]

21] Do not Famz. I repeat : thou shalt not famz. [Like DBanj has been famzing me lately]

22] Use thine discretion. Not all mentions are worth replying.

22b] Thine favs must be hilarious.

23] Thou shalt not give multiple RTs just to get noticed

24] Thou shall not wash and rate her avi higher, to increase ur P setting chances

25] Thou shall not speak about it if you ain’t never done it…

26] Do not LOL more than you are LOL’ed

27] Do not covet your neighbour’s followers

28] Thou must not subtweet that handle which thou is afraid to @

29] Honour thy follow, with a followback

30] Thou must not tweet under the influence of alcohol

31] Tweet unto others, as you would have others tweet unto you

32] Thou shalt not follow to unfollow again

33] Thou must not twitfight, unless you can make it interesting

34] Thou must not send nudes

35] Thou must not scream after uploading new avis [Even music albums are less hyped!]

36] Thou must not steal tweets [Your children will steal Twitter]

37] Thou must scream “Stolen” when a tweet of yours is found in another handle [Especially if it has more RTs]

38] Thou shalt not munch chats. [Be secretive]

39] Thou shalt not set P with that female handle your friend called dibs on.

40] Thou shalt set P with brain [It is a sacred twact and should be treated as so]

41] Thou shalt not say anything incriminating in DM chats

42] Thou shalt not force convos

43] Thou shall not call thyself Barbie, Sexyberry, Duchess or Cutie-Banana if thou looketh like Weird Mc! [Helps us know whom to set P with]

44] 11th commandment: Thou shall not get caught. XD”[Esp while setting DM P]

45] Thou shall not text haha & lol back to back. [There is no need. I get it, I’m funny. Pick one and save me some time]

46] Thou shalt not wash [For thou shalt gain nothing, and nothing alone, from it]

46] The 11th commandment: Thou shall not follow pretty light skin girl with 7k followers for they tweet nothing but nonsense and nothingness. [I stand to not be corrected]

47] Unless thou desire Ks, thou must not tweet personal or stupid.

©Property of Christopher’s Cave.

2 thoughts on “The Twitter Handbook” by Hextophar (@Hextophar)

  1. Thanks for giving us the twitter handbook here…I just can’t hold my breath reading through the rules like do not LOL more than you’re LOLed……………..

    1. @innoalifa Lol. Thanks for reading. Glad you liked it.

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