You moved to a new town and your life was rather boring. And then,one day,you saw him. He was young and handsome and had top-notch dress sense. You had to pray for forgiveness countless times,because you spent most of the long Sunday Service hours staring at him and thinking boredom-alleviating thoughts.
You were too shy to talk to him,so,you crushed on him from a distance,even though once in a while,your eyes met his. Of course,you told your friend and your roommate about it after a while and the three of you started cooking up scenarios of the first conversation between you and dream guy.
Finally,one day,you got close enough to him physically. You had built courage over the past month. As you opened your mouth to say ‘hi’, he did too. You both said ‘hi’ at the same time and burst into laughter. People turned to stare,wondering what was so funny. He later told you that he’d been checking you out for a while, but hadn’t been able to talk to you because he thought you’d snub him. You laughed and sighed in relief in your mind.
You exchanged numbers with him and became fast friends. You hung out with him, and you got to know that he was a lawyer and was the pampered last child of a rather wealthy family. That didn’t bother you,though. You weren’t after money. You just wanted to be around him.
Two months down the line…two months of listening to his passionate talks about changing the world and making an impact and appreciating nature……two months of being called ‘sis’ at every turn, and you resigned yourself to your fate. You’d been sister-zoned! But it didn’t really matter. All that serious talk had somehow made you stop thinking of him in that way. You even forgot you ever had a crush on him. He became a ‘bro’. Nothing else.
Some more passed,and one weekend ,he told you he was driving round town,appreciating nature. You told him to stop by your apartment later on. You and your flatmate had cooked fried rice,and she was glad you were having a friend over. When he showed up, three of you talked for a while in your room. Then she left you two alone. Her boyfriend had also come visiting.
He showed you pictures on his phone,and you were talking as usual, but you noticed he was moving closer and closer. You brushed it aside. How else would he give you a running commentary as you scrolled through the photos? And then,he kissed you.
You were shocked and didn’t respond,and then you asked ‘okaaay…what was that about?’ He simply smiled.
Till date,you’re not sure how it happened, but he grabbed you and took your clothes off. You were frozen. He pushed you back on the bed and you just lay there,naked and cold in your mind. He was taking his trousers off when your flatmate burst into your room. She saw you naked and saw him getting naked. She gasped and ran straight out again, thinking she’d interrupted something special. You didn’t say a word when she came in.
You lay there,a lifeless ragdoll,while he plundered your mouth and ravaged your breasts. It wasn’t foreplay. It wasn’t. You lay there,emotionless, a non-participating participant, as he thrust his penis inside you with no care whatsoever. It was at that point that you recovered enough to tell him ‘please, let me give you a condom. Then,if this is what you came to do, do your business and then, get the fuck out of my house’.
Dream guy took your offered condom and went straight back to business. Unbelievable, right? He used your body to relieve himself,and when he finished, he pulled out and said ‘yo,sis!’ And then,he tried to explain. You told him to keep his explanation to himself and get out of your house. He did as he was told.
You were quiet for the rest of the day,after scrubbing yourself clean. You winced as the water touched your bleeding nipples,leaving what would later become small scars. You weren’t sure what to call what had just happened. Was it actually rape? You didn’t scream. You didn’t alert your flatmate or her boyfriend. You gave him a condom and lay back. Was it rape? You told your flatmate later,and she was livid. She wanted to hurt him. She was going to make arrangements for him to be caught and dealt with.
You told her to leave it alone. You didn’t want to cause a scene. Besides,how would you ever be able to explain it? He tried to call you but you wouldn’t pick his calls. You wouldn’t speak to him at church. And then,one day, you saw a text message from him. He told you ‘ I don’t know what I did to deserve this silent treatment from you ‘. You replied and asked him if he thought you’d want to talk to him after what had happened. You included the word ‘rape’ in your text message.
He told you you needed a medic,and that your statement was an insult to him. I know,right? How dare you infer that He who would change the world raped you?. That was the last time you communicated with him. You didn’t even reply that last message. You were disgusted with yourself, and with him. You asked yourself why you let it happen. You told yourself it was your fault. Then you told yourself it wasn’t. You fought major battles with yourself, and then you said ‘Fuck it. It’s happened anyway’. You started laughing about it and telling your few friends what had happened. Nobody would believe you at first,because you sounded so upbeat about it. Then,they believed and were mad at you for just laying there,and they were mad at him and would have liked to castrate him.
You’re still not sure what to make of the whole thing,and you feel much better (or you think you do) today. A month and a day since it happened. Life will go on, but you know you’ll never forget the day he screwed you,finished,and said ‘yo,sis’.