Well, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if I should drop to my knees and start begging or just form Van Damme and try to put everything on her head. Well, the rest of the day was not so good for me because I kept replaying everything that happened. My only prayer was ‘let this babe just go’, because despite the fact that the whole weird situation happened, I’m still freakishly attracted to her. WHY?
In the midnight gan, we had this weird run-in. we bumped into each other and just a little graze of her twin towers gave me the chills.
So, it was Sunday. I was the last to take my bath and we were all ready to go to church. I was looking smart as ever wearing my starched light blue shirt, navy blue tie and one straight black trouser that the gators on it can sharpen pencil. Mum and dad wore matching Ankara and Remi dressed the way she always does; seductive! Someone like her cannot conduct a choir; she will confuse the male members on the first row.
A few days ago, a danfo driver broke the left side mirror of Dad’s Toyota Sequia and he took it to the repairers. So, we have to carry the Toyota Avalon which is a saloon car and dad isn’t a fan of jam-packing people in the car, so he asked me take my own kabukabu car. Car that I said was for my mechanic the time I met jasmine at the suya spot. It was like the appearance of this girl was carefully orchestrated by God to punish me of my past deeds.
Maybe it was the time I told that old woman that it was the other queue that they deposit money in the bank. It was the new account opening queue. I just wanted to get in front. Oh, or maybe it was the time I gave my friend my phone to tell one girl that I was dead as a break up tactic. The girl just couldn’t let go. Chai, I have done things worth punishing o.
“I will ride with Dapo so he won’t feel lonely in the car” Jasmine said bringing me back to reality from my horrid past. “Oh, that will be okay. That’s real nice of you Jas” mum said as she entered the ‘’wife’s corner” of the car.
“Okay Dapo, make sure you don’t branch anywhere oh. Because that is when you will say you saw somebody convulse and you carried her to the hospital to prove your late coming. Oya, open the gate” dad said as he started the car.
And off they went and it was jasmine and I alone, big house, one million and one things to do. Now I’m fantasizing, you need not tell me. Anyways, I have been really avoiding her since the whole accidental discharge thingy.
Well, we were on the way, funny how life works though. Two days ago, this would’ve been the happiest moment of my 2014 but now, the feeling is like doing HIV test after an unprotected quickie with a random bar girl.
“So Dapo, do you accept my offer” jasmine asked
“What offer is that?” I replied. I will not lie, my mind was travelling to different kind of offers that if she can read minds, she will literally jump out of the moving car.
“The groom’s men offer. Will you still be part of my groom’s men” jasmine asked with that her smile. I actually prefer it if we didn’t talk because it was taunting me.
“Sure, no problem” I just said with a straight face. Faced the windscreen like tomorrow no dey, Because if I had looked right, what I would I have seen from the perspective of my height, they will have to take me to Obosi plaza at Alaba to flash my head so as to erase it from my memory.
The rest of the journey went quietly as I didn’t give a friendly face for a conversation. We got to church ten minutes after my parents and siblings did. The service is bubbling. It is actually the 20th anniversary of our church which is always a thanksgiving service. There’s usually a lot of dancing involved.
Couldn’t say the same for me though. The whole situation at hand just made me moody. All the shoki I had planned to scatter on the dance floor just left my body. E pain me oh.
After a while, the pastor said something I wasn’t expecting at all. “Praise the lord somebody!” pastor said, “hallelujah” the congregation chorused. “We have a special person in our midst. Our very own jasmine who was here when this church emerged 20 years ago. Our little choir girl then, though she left us for a while, she has remained forever in our hearts. I invite her to bless the church with a number” the pastor said, looking at her smiling.
The congregation started clapping and cheering as she stood up and walked towards the altar to receive the microphone and sing.
‘’thank you everyone for this privilege given to me. I really feel loved” jasmine said as the keyboardist gave her the cue.
‘’falling in love, with jesus..
Falling in love with jeus…
That’s the best thing I’ve ever..ever done” she sang with such dexterity. Depth like Mariah Carey and pitch like Whitney Houston, embellishment like Kim Burrell and skill like Beyonce.
The more I looked for a reason to hate her, the more I see reasons to be obsessed. She was singing falling in love with Jesus but all I could hear was “falling in love with DAPO’’.
I sharply converted the song to a Westlife song in my mind, getting mental pictures of our honeymoon in my head. The Bahamas, sandy beaches, palm trees, sea waves, coconut drinks, hula skirt and coconut bras, sitting beside a camp fire singing kumbaya and playing the guitar.
“praise God. Thank you jasmine, God bless you” the pastor said bringing me back from Nassau. He also announced her forth coming wedding and we finished the service like 30 minutes later.
I tried to avoid her for the rest of the day. Went to a friend’s place immediately after church and came back by 10pm. I slept almost immediately.
And so it was Monday. A bitter sweet day. Bitter because i will so miss seeing Aphrodite in real life, sweet because I can at last be free from this torture. Her fiancé was the one who came to pick her up. Fine guy, drives an Honda CRV. Apparently, the guy is a banker and I’m still submitting course form. I so can’t win this battle.
Dad and mum had gone to work. Joke had gone to school also so it was just Remi and I that were at home. “Goodbye guys, I will really miss you. Remi, greet Tobi for me oh” she said while winking to Remi. If I catch any tobi, I will kill him ni, he wants to truncate my sister’s future I thought to myself.
“Dapo, see you later, the suit will be sent to you next week. Take care of you” she said as she hugged me. I waved at her and her fiancé and off they went.
I was having mixed feelings but ultimately, I was happy she had gone. At least, I can focus on finding another. I was still thinking of how the rest of my day will go when I received a text on my phone from Jasmine;
“YOU COULD HAVE HAD ME BUT YOU DIDN’T TAKE YOUR CHANCE. WHEN I SAY HAD I MEAN HAD” .