Ore mi, Alayo mi….
I will love you forever…” I sang with my succulent voice, though I don’t enjoy bragging about it. “mehn, this Timi Dakolo guy is trying gan oh, he has really improved” I thought to myself as the song kept playing on the radio. I was really enjoying his perfectly harmonized song and the humid temperature in Surulere as I was driving.
I was going to a friend’s house. A member of my band to be precise, he is the bassist of the group. He had just come back from Reading in England where he went to spend some time with his dad. Yeah, his parents are divorced.
Anyways, that’s by the way. As I was driving, very close to Alaka Street, I saw a figure standing at the bus-stop. Believe you me; if there was such thing as mami water, I just saw one. That is without the tail of course. That will be just weird.
From the looks of it, she had a long face which suggests that she had been at the bus-stop for a while now without getting any bus. Well, off I went to the rescue. “Hello miss, where might you be headed” I said James Bond style. “uhmm, Costain, How much?” she replied while moving towards me probably to hear me properly or get a better look at me.
I was perplexed for a second or two there because I didn’t know how ‘how much’ fit into the equation. I was still battling with that when a man pulled up in my front shouting “Costain…iponri 200, Costain…iponri 200, hold your change oh”.
Oh My God! The man is driving a car similar to mine, as in the same model. Oh, I see why the girl asked how much. I’ve never been so humiliated in my life. Well that is except for the time I messed one killer mess in front a prospective girlfriend and she figured it was me. How? WE WERE ALONE! Wanted to let it out silent and odourless but I guess you can’t cheat nature. Let’s just say I didn’t get to meet the parents.
Anyways, the girl entered cab in front as I was evidently wasting her time, and so I lost my dream girl.
I resumed my driving, with a gloomy face regretting bashing the Honda which brought about this punishment, annoyed with my dad for not giving me a better car, thinking about the hell Ugo, Dan and the other guys will put me through if I gist them. “After, Davido will say they don’t want Ferrari. If it’s Ferrari I parked there, will she ask me how much?’’
I got to my friends house fifteen minutes later and it was mad fun. Gist was just flowing sha. The concerts he attended, the chicks he met, everything. Of course he also got me a pair of Air Jordan’s and a t-shirt that David Guetta autographed at the concert. It was really a fun day.
Anyways, I got home for five o’clock. Around six o’clock, I had a sudden appetite for suya and that automatically meant the whole house too.
So, I decided to go to Hussein’s suya stand. The guy is from Niger republic so the little French I learnt in secondary school comes in handy when dealing with him. A little “Common cava, cava bien merci” thingy always throws in a few jara meat.
“Hussein Hussein” I said in a hailing manner whilst walking towards him. “Oga, how na?” he replied while striking his two knifes together getting ready for a sale.
“bon soir, common cava” I said smiling, “cava bien merci” he replied also smiling as he was used to my usual habit.
“Give me suya 600 naira” I said while checking a whatsapp message on my phone. P.S the suya is for everybody at home because I know some bad belle people are already calling me ebina. As Hussein was selling the meat, I just heard “hello, please I want to buy suya” from behind me. I might not have the memory to cram all the cases in my petroleum law but I sure remember this voice
I looked back and to my utmost surprise, it was the girl at the bus-stop and yes, I’m not mistaken. If I can recognise the heavenly voice, I’m sure capable of recognising the face.
I quickly carried my face forward. It was time to win her back. “hmmmm, Hussein give me BAR-BE-QUE” I said with such poise I never even knew I had. Far be it from me to say suya when I got a second chance for a first impression
“oga, you don tell me before, e still dey fire” he said while adding oil to the fire to boost the flames. “Yeah I know, I’m just reminding you” I said with my acquired poiseness. (No pidgin too). After he was through, I gave him 500 naira and shouted “KEEP THE CHANGE” so the girl will hear. I was already feeling fly, redeeming myself from today’s incident when Hussein cut in. “oga, wish change? Your money never complete. Na six hundred naira own you buy, na five hundred naira you give me” he said not having any idea what he has done to my reputation.
I sincerely thought I gave him one thousand naira, I guess I was wrong. “oya take the one thousand” I said as I stretched the money towards him.
It was time to take the bold step. I faced her and said “hey, how are you doing?
“I’m fine thank you. How are you too?” she asked with such polite mannerism, “I’m doing very well” I answered, thanking God she wasn’t a snub. Guys, I never thought I would say this but I used to think my mum was the most beautiful woman I had seen. I guess someone has beaten her to it. (No offense mom)
“hmmmm.. I think you are familiar…hmmmm o. oh! I got it, you are the cab guy” she said while folding her arms. As a sharp guy nah, answer came sharply. “Yeah, about that, it was my mechanic’s car. He left it in our house and he fell ill so I took it upon me to return it. I was merely trying to do you a favour when I stopped” I said feeling fly about my smooth save.
“oh! I’m so sorry I misunderstood the situation. I was in a bad mood and come to think of it, you don’t look like a cab driver. You are too handsome for that” she said now smiling and folding her beautiful arms. My head was in the clouds.
“Nah, no offense taken. Do you stay here? Because I recall seeing you in surulere” I said feeling pretty confident now. “No, just came to see a family. It’s been a while since I came here. I grew up here though” she replied. “So, would I be too jumpy if I asked for your name?” I said. “My name’s Jasmine” she replied.
Believe it or not, this girl’s beauty just increased my faith in God because there is no way in hell man-made gods could have created this element of pulchritude. Well, long story short, I collected her number and promised to call and text her on whatsapp.
Around 9pm the same day, I came back from my neighbour’s house where I went to watch a world-cup semi-final match. On entering my house, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Jasmine was sitting in my parlour, on my couch. Then I looked up and thought “what are the odds seeing a complete stranger thrice a day. God must be telling me she’s my wife”
The same surprise was on her face. As we were both about to talk, my mum just came out from the kitchen and said, “Oh! I see you two have met each other. Jasmine, this is little Jorge that you have been asking for ‘’
“Jorge, this is aunty Jasmine that I always tell you about”…………