Fast forward one year from Part I.
A bit cliche – falling in love with your best friend. I’m afraid. I’m afraid it’s happening to me. I wish it wasn’t. Maybe it’s not. Maybe i’m over-reacting. I used to be so sure that guys and girls could be best friends. Now i’m not so sure anymore. I have a boyfriend. My best friend has a girlfriend. It’s the perfect set-up for best-friendship! I existed before the girlfriend, he kind of existed before i started dating my boyfriend, although we weren’t best friends back then.
He makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He makes me dream. He makes me want to get my act together. He makes me a better person. I can talk to him non-stop and we won’t get bored. We talk about random silly stuff. We talk about serious stuff. We talk about our dreams. We just talk and its beautiful.
Lately, I haven’t been able to help myself. I’ve been comparing. I don’t want to but i keep comparing him to my boyfriend. My boyfriend is kind of distanty these days and at first i was worried but now, now i am not that concerned. My boyfriend is amazing. We have a good relationship and we’ve been together a while but in the last few months i’ve stopped seeing a future for us. I’m trying to convince myself that its a phase and it’ll pass but as the days drag on, the future and the present seems more unlikely. I see so many reasons why we won’t work in the future so why keep at it now? Sometimes being an amazing person is not enough. Sometimes, different religious beliefs and different tribes can make being amazing not enough. They say that if you love someone enough, love will conquer all. But will it really? The truth is sometimes love alone is not enough.
Remember what i said about wanting to be needed? About wanting my partner to need me like a drowning man needs air? I’m not getting that vibe from my boyfriend anymore. Maybe time will do that to any couple. Maybe we need to rekindle things but its hard to rekindle things when you don’t see a future. All his conversations with me these days are “how are you?”, “I miss you.” and other things like that. It seems like we are talking but we aren’t really talking. With my best friend it’s different. We actually talk. It’s weird. I want to know how his day went and he wants to know how my day went and somehow we can get that message across without asking the “how are you?” or “what are you up to?” question a million times a day. We just weirdly get each other. Its amazing. We’ve been talking a lot. A lot more than usual. And i’ve been thinking about him a lot but i guess this is what happens when you talk to someone a lot. I’m surprising myself in so many ways when it comes to him. This is why i think i’m falling for him. Maybe i’m confusing what bestfriendship should feel like with what falling in love should feel like.
It’s the strangest thing but when i think about whether we are a good match, i can see it so clearly. He’s the first person I’ve ever met and with whom i can see a future with. We are right for each other, or at least i think so. I can’t read his mind though so I don’t know what he’s thinking and maybe its me being cocky and me misreading things but sometimes I think he sees it too.
It’s confusing but kind of amazing at the same time but I want it to stop. We can’t fall in love with each other or whatever this is. Or I guess I’m speaking for myself, I don’t want to fall in love with you. Not now anyway. In the next few months our lives paths will take us to different countries and we’ll need each other more than ever. Or at least I’ll need my best friend.