I’m sure you all will be wondering what happened. I myself wondered what will happen. Nevertheless, it was a long ride home but we were finally there. As I was helping with the boxes my mind just went back to all the stuff the cousin of the year was saying in the car. ‘‘yo nigger, you drive like a sissy’’, ‘‘damn! Who wearing that cheap ass cologne? Smells like insecticide mixed with ass gas’’….. that’s my cologne oh. My 5,000 naira MEN VIBE.
Anyways, we are home now and joke is back from school. Everybody is in the sitting room watching Mnet series while listening to mike chattering about his glory days in Miami, Florida.
Well, shortly later, power was cut short by PHCN…..but I personally prefer the name NEPA. It’s sweeter to say up NEPA, down NEPA. I know you prefer it too. And yes, they take light in Lekki for those of you reading from Ajangbadi or Badiya. Naija is Naija, they take light everywhere. Anyways, back to the issue on ground, immediately the power went off my cousin ran shouting ‘‘what the hell happened?, where’s the basement?, is there a tornado?, is the world under attack like in DIE HARD IV?.’’ I couldn’t stop laughing, all this panicking coming from someone who told me with that his egoistic African-American accent ‘‘you’re like a white man in a nigga’s body’’ just because I wasn’t listening to my music loud.
‘‘Michael, stop being frantic. It’s just a power shortage’’ mum said with a large smirk on her face she’s finding hard to hide. ‘‘Muchacho, Vaya y ponga en el generador antes de que su primo tiene un ataque de pánico (meaning, go and put on the generator before your cousin have a panic attack)’’ mum said to me. Trust me, this was my happiest moment of the day. The great Olympus has fallen.
Well, it was already Saturday nd Micheal was set to return to his ‘Miami’. Really, I was going to miss him. I will miss hearing things like ‘’ yo, remy your coffee takes like feet’’, ‘‘Aunt penny,(yes, he learnt his lesson after my hard-ass of a father threatened to return him to his ‘’miami’’ if he calls his wife by name again) im tired of amala and that other white stuff, don’t you got some old-fashion pot roast and sushi’’ sushi ko, mushin ni.
Walahi, I’m happy he’s going sef, I can now watch an American film without having to hear the true Hollywood story of Sandra bullock and Cameron diaz and every other actor in particular film being watched.
We are on our way to the airport now and this time, my dad drove. Our visitor didn’t really say much. Must be because of one of these reasons.
1. He is terrified of my dad so he can’t make smart-ass comments about his driving (let’s face it, my dad’s the exact opposite of Paul walker in this field. His driving is old school, at times we are on the express but I get the feeling we want to park.)
2. He is really going to miss us but there isn’t a way in his egoistic African-American vocabulary to express his feelings.
3. He is really elated to leave this ‘’hell hole’’ like he refers my loving country to and he doesn’t quite have to words to express the feelings.
Whatever it is, I’m happy he is quiet because if otherwise was the case, we would have heard about twenty ‘’we don’t drive like this in Florida’’.
Finally at the airport saying our goodbye’s to him. Adejoke hugged him, likewise did Aderemi, my dad gave him the old fashioned pat on the shoulder and a ‘’ have a safe flight’’. My mum hugged him, pulled his cheeks and asked for her regards to be forwarded to her sister, Gabrielle. Well, I was the last to say my goodbye. Nothing emotional just shook his hands and waved him goodbye as he went into the terminal.
At about 20 minutes into our journey back home, I realised that the saying “you know not what you have till you lose it” relates to everything. Though hard to admit, I realised I had started really missing mike and I would for a long time.
Will miss the smart-ass comments, his martin Lawrence accent and everything that makes him mike. But then again, I took a whiff of my cologne and remembered what he said about it and my hatred for him started coming back into perspective.