What’s Your Take On Pre-Marital Sex?

What’s Your Take On Pre-Marital Sex?

This is one of the most topical issues this part of the country; and I thought it is about time we opened it up for discussion. What is it about pre-marital sex that makes a lot of people get itchy when the topic is open for discussion?

All people hold different morals. Some morals are influenced by religion, by family and friends, and by personal experience.

Most people even shy away from discussing it, and it kinds of baffle me a lot. Girls use it as a bargaining tool to ‘intimidate’ or harass their men into marriage; and it does work for some of them I must confess. They say: “if you really love me, then you will wait until we get married.”What about if you also love me , why wont you make sweet love to me as well? Is that just a selfish way of looking at it ?Well the questions keep coming

So, what happens if she is not what she claims she is, and on your wedding night you suddenly discover something that shocks you deep in your marrow? As a Christian, I must confess it is not only morally wrong to indulge in sex before marriage, it is also seen as a sin.

So, is it really morally wrong to engage your partner in sex before marriage? What about oral sex, and smooching; is it also wrong?

so whats your take on this people?

36 thoughts on “What’s Your Take On Pre-Marital Sex?” by iyandasdiary (@Iyandasdiary)

    reading through your work
    I saw your accepted world
    exercising your waist before marriage
    is for a Christian, a sin carriage

    Wow, it seems perfectly right
    and yet sometimes not aright
    I’d think loveless mating
    often ends in a sting

    True love defines and refines
    and everything becomes like sweet vines
    I’d think all we’re searching for is love
    and when attained, our foraging leads us above………

  2. Am indeffirent about this issue…every mallam with his kettle..whatever works for you…go with it

    1. @schatzilein, but anything goes can make every loving heart ruined if not well-tended…………………

      1. True but from personal experience i wish i had waited maybe not till marriage but till i was a lil bit older…..

        And keeping it till the wedding night aint a gaurantee for a sucessful marriage

        1. your words are true toooooooo……………..and I get your point @schatzilein……….waiting until marriage may not be the best but my point is that LOVE is a conditio sine qua non for it to happen……………when it happens in lovelessness, it’s better it never happened……………

          1. Very correct…i agree totally

            1. @schatzilein, that’s good to know man………….take care!

        2. s'am (@samenyuch)

          yea true. even keeping it till the wedding night aint a guarantee at all

    2. @schatzilein I think you would have loved my research paper relating to this issue.

      1. Really???cool

  3. What ever rocks your boat.

  4. @Nalongo, this seems to be the reigning concept in the whole wide world – CLING TO THAT WHICH ROCKS YOUR BOAT………………….. what has @ufuomaotebele got to say?

    1. @Innoalifa I wrote a paper on this issue few months ago and half of the students I presented it to said the same thing @Nalongo wrote which confused me. I presented the issue through a christain point of view which is simple……….wait till marriage before sex but you and i know even christains are guilty. Like you said, its in our nature we can’t control it when the time comes but we all should learn self discipline.

      1. @ufuomaotebele,
        your powerful words
        inspire beautiful thoughts
        masquerading as pure
        when self-discipline leads to guilelessness……………. *BEAUTIFUL INDEED*

          1. @ufuomaotebele, …….f…….o……r…….e……….v……….e……..r………….w……..e………..l………..c………….o………m……….e………

  5. sambright (@sambrightomo)

    Dont plant a seed if you are not ready for the harvest-love isnt sex and sex is not love!

  6. No matter how we try to coat it, premarital sex is wrong! We all try to justify our sins by using words like whatever rocks your boat, everyone is doing it, it doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage, bla bla bla. Point is the bible says it is wrong and as true Christians we should accept it as what it is and not allow societal conventions cloud our reasoning. Accepting that it is a sin is better so one can ask for forgiveness when one strays rather that trying to prove that its not a big deal.

    1. And what about people who aint christians??who dont read the bible and believe in other stuffs??isnt it also in that same bible somewhere that we shouldnt judge ppl??yoour opinion about other people’s choices doesnt count not until you know thier story….

      1. @ayobare, in no way undermining your personal view, I think one should also be slow to judge because life is a convoluted journey and as one peregrinates, so many things happen…………. as such knowing people’s personal history is worthy of note as @schatzilein observes……

        1. Of course @innoalifa some people are forced into having premarital sex, like rape and the likes, some grow up with the mindset that its right and that its a normal thing and of course we cannot jugde them because it is not their fault. But i am very sure the author isn’t talking about rape and ignorance.

      2. Errrm Mr. Schatzilein this is not me being judgemental…this is my perspective. I don’t know about people who aren’t Christians i am not talking from a moral point of view. Its just like murder, we all know the bible is against it and i am sure you’ll probably condemn anyone you find doing it

        1. I am a miss not a mr..thanks

  7. What is wrong is wrong, there is a conscience and it judges right, even cultures or societies without the Bible or Qur’an still believe and practice good morals such as waiting to be defiled by ones betrothed husband. Check your own cultural belief and see if it condoles sex outside ones marital home or before marriage. There is this sacredness of “sex” no matter how it is been demystified either for genuine reasons or not.

    And in the “order of things” so to say, it shouldn’t be tampered with outside the marital home.

    There is a long list of the disadvantages, negative effect, consequences of sex outside marriage, per-marital sex compared to its advantages if at all there is any….

    And for those who for any reason got themselves into it directly or indirectly, innocently or not, you don’t have to feel bad, just look to the bright side of life, choose and learn to live right again. And most importantly belief it or not, God frowns at it, it was not in his plan or order of things, men just choose to satisfy their selfish desire, kill their godly conscience, promote self gratification and convince themselves that all is well.

    Guilt is a silent killer and no one is even talking about it……per-marital sex carries its own baggage s’ of guilt ….pls lets tell each other the truth.

    Nobody taught Adam and Eve how to do it, there are christian books on how to enjoy it with your partner….Sex should not be a guarantee that all will be well with your marriage, its just to spice it up, procreate and enjoy and also to keep a bond that already exist between the two.

    but if you discover that she is not what she claimed, trust & sincerity had been tempered with, because she lied. There should be trust and sincerity no matter what has happened in the past….

    And when it comes to smooching etc: the bible says Be holy for your God is holy…..

    Aslo, Colossians 3: 5 (the message version) 5-8
    And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That’s a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God. It’s because of this kind of thing that God is about to explode in anger. It wasn’t long ago that you were doing all that stuff and not knowing any better. But you know better now, so make sure it’s all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk.

    King james version :
    Mortifie therefore your members which are vpon the earth: fornication, vncleannesse, inordinate affection, euill concupiscence, and couetousnesse, which is idolatrie:

    As a christian, Romans 12:1 says : (the message version) 1-2 So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

    NIV version: Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

    So much about Sex itself…..lolzzzz….. Sacred, some say its cheap, sweet, and…..but get to know what God calls it and what he meant by it. it sounds spiritual now but it is the truth.

    1. @Olushademi, just stay true to what you believe………..stay true, be true, speak the true, do the true……….as you believe and understand best but……. I’d commend your counsel thus: “And for those who for any reason got themselves into it directly or indirectly, innocently or not, you don’t have to feel bad, just look to the bright side of life…”

  8. Pre-marital sex is wrong -whether it rocks the boat or drowns it, whether everyone is doing it or not. Christianity, Islam, even the diverse cultures, none -at least those I know- support pre-marital sex.

    Sex after the exchange of marriage vows is not a one-way ticket to a successful marriage. Still, its a step in the right direction.

  9. This is a sensitive topic indeed but the truth is we are living in dangerous times where men have strayed away from the ancient ways that God established.
    Sex is a beautiful and amazing thing created by God to be enjoyed withing the confines of marriage. Anything that falls short of this is wrong. The bible says that marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral yhus, we see that God is not at all opposed to sex when it is engaged in by a married couple. As for oral sex and smooching….they are all precursors of sex. They lead to the same destination which is sexual gratification. I don’t see any difference between the two. Some people think differently but that’s my opinion. The bible is my standard.

  10. kay (@kaymillion)

    After all said and done the fact still remains that sex is a convenant………… Don’t make any convenant with people not connected with your destiny……….. SO STAY CLEAN

  11. @Iyandasdiary, good job Bro, always on point. From everyone’s comment, the bottom-line is that pre – marital sex is frowned upon no matter what your religion or culture is.@ Oloruntoba Yetunde, your comment did justice to the different aspects of looking at pre- marital sex. @ Namdi, I like this “Sex after the exchange of marriage vows is not a one-way ticket to a successful marriage. Still, its a step in the right direction”.

  12. @Ayobare, I do understand your stance been a christian but what happens to non Christians .@Sambright true words “Dont plant a seed if you are not ready for the harvest-love isn’t sex and sex is not love!@ ufuoma, well done, would love to see the essay.@Kay those words carry weight and very true. “Don’t make any convenant with people not connected with your destiny……….. SO STAY CLEAN”

  13. Pre-marital has more negative effects than positive ranging from pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, womb ruptured as a result of abortion, future of tomorrow killed in the abortion process since the young adults are not ready to have a baby. Guilt, post traumatic stress disorder, inferiority complex and so on. My step mum, told me couple of years ago while in high school ,” Sex is not the just physical but also most importantly spiritual”. A lot of young people do not realize this, premarital sex is a destiny destroyer. Have you ever wondered why a guy sleeps with a girl and they break up and she begins to act like him in some areas of her life. Sex is an exchange of fluids i.e blood, water etc. The Bible says in Genesis 2:24 ” therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall become one flesh” That is the work of sex originally intended for marriage, to bond them together. Ladies most especially wonder why guys are not proposing marriage to them when, 70-80 % of the time it is because he is getting what he should have paid for freely. I remember the words of Pastor Bimbo Odukoya, of blessed memory ” why would one pay for milk when there is free milk available ” . Ladies we are often times at the receiving end of this, we got to be wise, Sex is not love and love is not sex like Sambright said. Premarital sex or no pre-marital sex does not guarantee a successful marriage but its absence is a good step.I didnt mean to sound churchy and I am not been religiously biased, it is just my opinion of the topic. Look at our grandparents or even parents, sex was held sacred and see how they passed the legacy down, we need to look back and do what is right. Like Yetunde said , if you have been involved before, look at the bright side and make amends you deem fit. And for those that say what happens if either of the couple can’t sacrifice the other, like someone said earlier Adam and Eve didn’t learn from no body, how much more we in the generation of GOOGLE and internet, they are resources online to help. May God help us to do the right thing. Thanks Iyandasdiary for this important, controversial and less spoken about topic.

  14. I meant satisfy not sacrifice.

  15. The good old book says that you shouldn’t. The Bible. Men and women of God don’t because the holy book says so. Well, I think you shouldn’t follow that book. Hasn’t Pope Francis said it’s a myth?

    Well, here are some of the reasons you should have sex before you plead guilty to the crime of love, get convicted and get the max – death sentence – with the laugh of your life.

    1 For Fun

    Ever watched Full Jacket Metal? There’s a scene where the recruits and the instructor go around, rifle on the shoulder, balls and penis in their hands, singing, ‘This is for fun this is for war…” Penis is for fun, so is vagina. I mean, if you don’t do it, what do you do when you meet, twiddle thumbs? Have fun of all time, life is not a rehearsal.

    2 For Sexual Chemistry

    Have sex to see how compatible you are. Seriously, how would you feel if you realized that he or she is Usain Bolt, they run only the short races while you do the long ones? Come on, you are not going to masturbate for the rest of your life. Plus, methinks, dildos cost a fortune, especially when you have to improvise.

    3 Sexual Complications

    Some women are allergic to their men’s semen. If you don’t find out this before marriage, how would you procreate? Celibacy in marriage is for Catholic priests. You could even be suffering from Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder and you don’t know.

    And if that flag stays half-mast you should know early in advance. Even Erectile Dysfunction can be discovered early in advance. Yes, religious fanatics say that love overcomes all; there is no romantic love without sex.

    4 Scrutinize the Goods

    Size matters is what I’m talking about here. If the size is minutiae, you really need to hit the road. Yeah, some sexologists say it’s not size that matters but the art of making love. They lie through their teeth. You want that G-Spot, and deeper you, churned like the waters of Siloam. Make sure you get it right before you put a noose round your neck till either of you kicks the bucket first.

    5 For Stability

    You want your marriage to last. Yes, not to be hiring divorce lawyers six months later because he can’t give it to you the way you want it. And you site irreconcilable differences.

    Come on girls. Unless you are ready to fake orgasm till death do you part you gotta get him do you, proper, before walking down the aisle.

    Isn’t separation better than faking it till you lose him to death?

    6 For Posterity

    I just said that. What advice would you give your daughters when they grow up? When those sunset days beckon you’ll have the memories of your youth to carry down the memory lane. Let them not be of disappointment, masturbating in the bathroom, cold silent tears of dissatisfaction and faking the second death.

    1. For fun: Agreed, for fun but under the marital domain and not outside the marital domain. Reason is sex is an activity for a man that is why he can do it with anybody at anytime without minding the numbers of ladies he does it with. His emotions are not too attached to it. A lady feels dumped when a guy she loves has had sex with breaks up with her or even flirt with other ladies. Because the best way she feels that she can show love is to give out is her body to please her guy and so she terms it “love”. But for the guy, it was just an activity he considers “fun”. Pre- marital sex can prevent one from knowing what real love is, which is also applicable to the guy. Sex is not love, you can’t for “fun” sake pen it down with everything that looks like a lady. It can be pleasurable under the right atmosphere but disappointing outside of it.

      Furthermore, what you consider fun can become addictive, which is a problem on its own. Becoming addictive means that you will and want to satisfy the urge whenever you see anything that triggers your sex drive at anytime, anywhere. You can’t just help it.

      An addiction won’t make you faithful or loyal to a partner, after all there is no bound to keep you under check with whosoever the partner is, and so you run the risk of contracting infections when you choose to satisfy the urge when your partner is not available, and so in the process of doing such with whomever, you can’t be 100% sure that you are safe.

      So if you are looking for fun, check out other means of catching fun that is not a threat to your life.

      For sexual chemistry: A big no, your life is not all about hormones, its more than just chemical (chemistry reactions), don’t always be led by your hormones cause if you do, then a mad woman/man, an animal might be your next partner. You do not marry a person because you are sexually compatible. Marriage ought to be life time , there is more that exist between two people than sex, the term “relationship” involves all that can ever happen between two people who claim to love each other and are committed to each other.

      When you use sex as criteria, then you would miss out because you would get to discover that there was really nothing special, you were only attracted sexually, but your behavior and character is the opposite. Or rather how would you feel if your partner is a drug addict, serial killer, or a thief, lier, one who cannot help you when you are in desperate need, one who is always jealous of your success, one who love you when all is fine and good but doesn’t when the opposite happens? if you are a lady how much of irresponsibility would you want to condole from a man you claim you?

      As a matter of fact there is romantic love without sex! For example a surprise package for your partner in a way he/she least expected it, could be termed romantic. For example, a guy packaged a nice car for her partner and presented it to her at the bus-stop as she alighted from the bus, he knelt down before her in the public made a love poem and gave out the keys to her. How about that? Or maybe in front of families and friends, love, romance is all about creativity and it can be done without sex.

      For sexual complications,posterity/scrutinize the goods, stability: Medical checkup will and can cover up for that. If both partners are truly sincere with each other, love each other and are ready to face all challenges together in which “sex” alone cannot cater for…

      Also there is no record of anyone who died because he/she did not have or has never had sex before. But some died from going an extra mile while on it.

      Then the truth still remain, A creator Known to many as God frowns at it. He exist, whether anyone believes it or not.

      1. Come on dude @Oloruntoba Yetunde, fun is not a threat to your life. How, educate me.

        And premarital sex is not with any tom, dick and hurry. It is with your partner.

        Come to think of it, that ‘god’ of yours and religion says so, ever think otherwise?

        FUN. IS. THE. WAY. TO. GO

    2. @ELOVEPOETRY, your comment drives home the point whether or not pre-marital sex is good……………………

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