Body Contact (1)

Body Contact (1)

Once upon a time, there was a young woman who was facing difficulties in her marriage with her husband. The spark, which they had once shared, had completely vanished and she and her husband quarrelled nearly every day about everything. Their most recent quarrel had him stomp off in annoyance for a business trip from which he swore he would not return from in a hurry.

Too miserable to go to work that day, she called in sick and decided to go to a recreational park not far from her home to brood. On getting there the tears began to fall again.

“Mind if I seat beside you?”

Startled out of her stupor, she apologised and quickly made room on the bench for the elderly woman who had made the request.

“So, what are you so troubled about young lady? And don’t tell me you are fine, it is pretty obvious that you are not.” The woman said.

She hesitated. Then decided to speak up; after all she had nothing to lose.

“My marriage is in trouble.” She said.

“Hmm… go on.” The woman encouraged.

And so she spoke, telling her all her problems. The woman listened without interruptions.

When she had finished,the elderly lady was silent for a while. The young woman waited patiently thinking that in a matter of seconds the aged granny will soon be spewing out words of wisdom and advice.

“Let us go to your house.” The old woman said.

“Excuse me?” She said in surprise.

“You heard me well. I said let us go to your house.”

Confused she got to her feet and followed the old woman who was already up and on her way.

They got to the house and she opened the door and stepped back to allow the woman in. On their way here she had had to pinch herself once or twice to assure herself that she wasn’t dreaming.

“Take me to your bedroom.” The old woman instructed.

The young lady paused for a second. She couldn’t just take a perfect stranger to her bedroom… but by this time she was curious to the point of wanting to see where all this was going.

She opened the door to her bedroom and the woman barely took two steps into the room before speaking up:

“There is the problem.” She said.

“What? What is it?” The young lady asked.

She peered in to the room herself but couldn’t see a single thing that could be considered wrong or out of place.

“That.” The old woman pointed.

She followed the old woman finger.

“Our bed? What is wrong with our bed?” She asked in bewilderment.

“Sell it.”

“But why? What is wrong with?” She asked in dismay.

“It is the cause of your marital problems.” The old woman said.

“But…”

“Do you want to fix your marriage or not young lady?”

“I…I do…”

“Sell it.”

“What are we going sleep on if I sell it?”

“That is what I been expecting you ask me.” The old woman replied.

Instantly she rattled off the specifications of the type of bed she wanted her to get.

“There, now that we have sorted you out. Can I get a glass of water?” The old lady asked.

“Sure…”

Still feeling like Alice in wonderland, she escorted the old woman back to the parlour then went into the kitchen to get her a glass of water.

The woman drank it, then stood up from her seat and made her way to the entrance.

“I’ll see around dear.”She said.

And with that she left.



26 thoughts on “Body Contact (1)” by amy78 (@amy78)

  1. …waiting for the next part

    1. @Omoniyi On its way… thanks for dropping by.

  2. Detected some mistakes-

    for – on

    seat-sit

  3. @Nalongo Noted.Editing is the hardest part of writing for me.Thanks for dropping by.

  4. @amy78

    Nice idea but to be a good writer, you must LOVE to edit.

    Noted the mistakes Nalongo pointed out too, but my own issue is that I wish there had been a punch line to the whole thing. Even if there is going to be a part two, the part one should be able to stand alone by it self. The punch line was the bed but we didn’t get it. I was thinking you would say it was too small or too big and tie it to how it could cause relationship woes….but I kept waiting for the punch but it didn’t happen.

    You could still work on this and make it better.

    1. Thanks, guess I just have to keep toasting it until it falls for me lol! As for the details on the bed.It was a delibrate omission. Please keep reading@funpen

  5. I very much concur with @funpen; one, too much telling and little actions, two the punch line was never delivered for me, three, the typos clogged and made it almost impossible for the characters to come alive on the pages. That said, you chose a very sensitive story but the problem was with the narrative.. Please don’t feel bad with my critique; we are all here to improve and hone our individual skills by listening to advices and thereby turning our weaknesses to strengths. Well done.

  6. @myself I am not the least bit offended. Thanks for your observation and constructive criticism.Please always say it as it is.I can take it.I have to take it.

  7. nice story….

  8. @Amy78, well done, I am waiting on the next part.

    1. @Blackgold thanks it will be ready soon.

  9. I read through this story but I didn’t get the ‘catch’ that could make me wait for the second part. Apart from the typographical errors, there’s something awkward in the way you told this story.
    For instance read this passage from your work, “They got to the house and she opened the door and stepped back to allow the woman in. On their way here she had had to pinch herself once or twice to assure herself that she wasn’t dreaming.”
    You’re not clipping the edge to perfect your work. It’s like another tales by moonlight. Forgive but that’s the impression you created.
    Please work on this thoroughly because I believe you have a good story hidden there.
    Thanks and continue writing.

    1. thanks you the third person saying it lacked the punch line.No problem.Observations and recommendations noted.Please stop by and read the next part and let me know if it is better than this one.@chudiebere

  10. You have a really nice story there. But i dont get the part of the bed being the cause of her marital issues. Probably you should sneak it into the second part. Great work by the way

    1. All will be revealed…soon. Thanks for stopping by…@DominicOhai

  11. Interesting.. Wanna see where all this is heading

    1. The next part will be out soon. Thanks for reading. @kingobozy

  12. Nice storyline but the story was unforgivably short and covertly narrated.

  13. I don’t understand what people are saying about not getting the ‘bed’ part being the cause of the marriage issue.

    I don’t understand what ‘punchline’ people are looking for. I think there’s a misunderstanding or mis-definition of that word.

    I read the story and I saw the SUSPENSE in it. The suspense surrounds the bed – how is the bed the cause of the marriage problems? I expect to discover that in the second part of the story.

    I don’t think we should be concluding that we don’t understand the story when its not finished. And I disagree with @funpen on the fact that a story in parts should be able to have its parts stand alone.

    This first part I believe is written to make the reader start wanti to find out what the mystery behind the matrimonial bed is….

    However, amy, I feel it would have been more impactful if you ended this first part with something thought provoking to heighten anticipation of the next part.

    well done still

  14. Nice @amy78! I can’t wait to read the second part.

  15. That sure piqued my interest. Next part,where art thou?

  16. Thanks, The next part is already available….happy reading

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