My tale of twisted misfortune (chapter1)

My tale of twisted misfortune (chapter1)

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There I was Laying on my bunk while listening to my favorite bruno mars song  ‘just the way you are’, this wasn’t just any song to me it touched my very soul, I shut my eyes as I sank in the pool of my own fantasy, a man that would love me the way I am was all I asked for. He touched my face and whispered the words ‘you mean everything to me’ right there a stream of undisclosed content rushed through my soul and just before I climaxed in ecstasy I heard ‘JOY”JOY’ the loud shouts of my name pulled me back into reality , I let out the frustration in me in form of the word ‘WHAT?’ My roomie startled a little n then responded with little concern, ‘its 5:30 u missed chem157’ Mr akande took attendance oh, she added. I trembled in my heart and felt my sweat pores releasing their content onto the surface, just then and there TITI strolled in with her regular ego stimulated catwalk, looking all glittering and appealing she really was something. ‘You don’t have to attend every lecture on campus, learn to flex a lil’ her words exactly. Although it felt wrong it wasn’t a bad idea I thought to my self, I’m going for chidi’s birthday party on saturday you should tag along she smiled as she let those inviting words out of her carefully painted bright red lips. ‘I’m not interested’ biola rushed to add as if she had something clamping her vocal chord. Titi gave her ‘THE LOOK’ and stared at me as if to hasten my reply. I grumbled a few words and then said I’ll think about it.
His damp breath rested on the border of my shoulder as his lips traveled gently from my collar bone to the vertical plane of my neck, I gasped for air as I held him closer,hoping the moment would last a little longer, his gentle left hand down on my waist as his right hand steered my face into position. I shut my eyes and waited patiently, this is the moment I’ve waited for I thought to myself. Just in between all the foreplay, I felt Gentle and sharp taps on my back, titi had put an end to my emotional festival. Get to the bathroom and freshen up she said in quick and unattenuated wavelengths of sound. I was still very much in my sleep mode, with my eyelids half dilated I mumbled a little and then it registered in my head, today was saturday. I rushed down the mini stairs hammered to the side of our bunk, into the shower and out as fast as I could, I was in supersonic mode, I put on my red gown, the one with the rosy pattern just above my chest line,a matching shoe and bag and I was ready in less than 2hrs( the fastest I’ve been in months). I was quite excited, perhaps I’ll meet some of those big boys on campus I whispered to myself. A little self examination, I wasn’t half bad myself, I was a full B cup and my ass, well, it was perfect. Had this adorable dimple and my fully braided hair yes I guess you could say I was pretty. But there was a little problem, I was always fantasizing about my mr perfect and that made me pay little attention to random normal looking boys around, I had class, I had swagger and so I was not willing to settle for less. I hadn’t experienced my first kiss and I was to clock 18 in about 2months 13days precisely. This was disturbing as I had read several novels and watched so many romance movies, the experience was predicted to be out of this world. I was eager to experience mine but I was willing to wait, it had to be perfect nothing less…… ‘STOP,STOP’ I said abruptly as the guy I was dancing with drove his hands beneath my waist line. He pulled back and for some reason only known to him, he tried to kiss me not regarding the fact that I was already uncomfortable with the awkwardness of his closeness, *PARRR* the sound of my palm grazing upon his coarse four cornered face. I had lighted the face of the light skinned fellow and before I could invoke my evil grin.. WHAT? Who let this bitch in? Were the words oozing out of his mouth,He flared on as his friends held him back from what seemed like a retaliation comeback. I had slapped Chidi, the celebrant himself but I cared less, no one would ruin my first awesome kiss I thought to myself as I panted in fright and discomfort. Titi grabbed me by my wrist and hauled me through the presently accumulating crowd. ‘R you crazy?’ What is your problem? She kept saying but I paid little attention to her and kept my focus on the figure behind the glass frame. Some cute boy undisturbed by the drama I orchestrated, sipping down on his soda , his glittering rolex well fitted on his left wrist was beginning to out shine the sun, his deep blue truckfit shirt caressed his firm chest, I could almost pick out the outline of his abs. My jaw dropped a little, my legs readjusted, my palms quickly moistened with sweat. ‘Wow he must be the one’ I whispered to myself, just then TITI noticed my lack of attention and concentration as decided to haul me back into her presence by the sudden pull of my hair in frustration. ‘Ahnhan’ I cried out. Are you okay? I asked her in annoyance. She was pissed,her anger was rekindled, I could swear I saw smoke and fire gushing out of ha nostrils. ‘Its not your fault ehn, u stupid inexperienced 18yr old virgin, a fine boy like chidi tried to kiss you and you freaked ou…… I ddnt like her land before I interrupted ‘ I’m not inexperienced, I just havnt done it before’ I said with my voice shaking and my eyes tired of holding in the flood of tears stored up behind my lower lids. TITI laughed out so hard, one would have thought basketmouth was whispering directly into her soul, without waiting to discover her cause of laughter, I ran out of the scene and out into street as if I knew where I was headed but it didn’t matter because everyone in school would look at me from a different angle now that they know my secret, with tears racing down my cheeks, I galloped for a while on my high heeled prada shoes before I reached an intersection. I flagged down a black motorcycle and told the rider, a dark skinned poverty reeking old yoruba man, my destination. In a short while I was back at school,although it felt like forever,sitted behind the old, I really wasn’t sure what was gonna break down first, his heart or his bike. I highlighted from the okada, paid the old man regardless of the fact that I knew I was overcharged, I rushed into my hall dashing down the hallway drifting towards my room’s brown unsecure 1978 door model, I barged in and to my greatest surprise my eyes beheld a sight of which my brain found difficult to deduce, it was biola, she had been well positioned on tunde masculine thigh, her brother in the lord as she often says, their heads in an oblique position as they engaged in the art of interlocking lips. The sight propounded my problem, I felt like a loser, a joke, with my head spinning, my nostrils running, I climbed up to my bed as I re engaged my sobbing.
But all that doesn’t matter anymore, all that was 3 and a half yrs ago. As I closed the curtain on my final project presentation I was getting ready to say farewell to my great University, but then a quick recap of my journey so far, I had my first kiss 38 months ago, yes it was 4months after the whole incidence at CHIDI’s party. It was the guy behind the glass afterall, hahaha I’m saying it like it was some kinda fate but I believe we structure our own future by the works of our present. I stalked this boy to the ends of the globe, I knew everything about him but my existence was a mere speck in the garden of his memory. I had strategies and plans and eventually he noticed me, just as every other man in the world would have instinctly done, he chase after me like a dog after its own tail, I loved the chase and I dated the predator. Eventually I had the supposed awesome first kiss, my God, it was a flop,a disaster,an awful experience, saliva everywhere, teeth clammed against teeth and hot air released from his nostrils dampened my upper lip, ugh it was so gross,so overrated and highly disappointing. Maybe he wasn’t so good or I sucked big time,were the unsolved mystery at that time but then I dated sam for only about 3weeks, turned out he had 2other girlfriends so in other words I was the side chick to his side chick, ugh it was a tug of war then. Well I’m over that now. I had dated 11 guys since then, quite a number right? But all along I still never found my Mr perfect and I’m beginning to doubt his very existence, Mr perfect my foot. Few months later I met Dapo, Oludapo makindeoluwaniteminikansoso Adegoke the love of my life, he is not so perfect but then I love his imperfect side just as much. We had been dating for about 12weeks now and everything was going all smooth. I think he is the one, he has to be…..



7 thoughts on “My tale of twisted misfortune (chapter1)” by inksomia (@seinde)

  1. – Punctuations and spacing issues.
    – The abbreviations were not so cool e.g “R u crazy?”
    – Some names started with small letters e.g biola
    – Check this: I ddnt like her land before I interrupted.

    1. Yes oh! Punctuation makes all the difference.

  2. Take note of the errors and edit very well in the next.

  3. Too much past brought into present
    Too much description for almost everything
    And then the errors;

    “…in about two months thirteen days precisely”
    I think you should have written ‘in about two months’ or ‘precisely two months thirteen days…’

    Errors turn readers off easily, let’s watch out.

    The story is nice.

  4. @seinde, the absence of paragraphs was such a huge obstacle in reading this story that I had to abandon it a third of the way through.

    You should try reading what you write to see whether other people will want to read it too.

  5. Your tale of twisted misfortune huh? This tale was a misfortune and its twists were made worse by the fact that you assaulted our senses with clumsy writing.
    I read more than half and browsed through the rest. It would have been a breezy story to read and probably enjoy, if you had taken time to clean and pretty it up.
    You’ve got spacing issues – always seperate dialogues, start them on new paragraphs for different characters.
    Short forms – you ain’t on twitter or pinging with buddies. Spell out your words correctly.
    Capitalization – there was no need to capitalize the words. A clean-up would have solved that.
    Syntax – your words are here and there, with misspellings in between.
    Read through several good works, watch how they do their thing, then work on cleaning this up.
    Always read your work out loud to yourself to pick out errors. Get friends with a knowledge of english to look through your work. It helps.
    Read more and Keep writing, seinde.

  6. Errors everywhere.
    Nice plot you’ve got but you messed it up with spelling errors and grammatical errors.

    Take your time to really edit your work before posting. Do not be in too much of a rush to post and at the end of the day post a good story with very bad packaging.

    Gracias.

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