Caro

Looking For Caro

Some mornings you wake up and you just don’t want to get out of bed. You just don’t feel like getting up, the bed is too comfy, your eyes just wouldn’t light up, your limbs wouldn’t bulge. On such mornings, you just have to get up, because there’re meals to cook, classes to attend, compounds and houses to clean, wares to trade, jobs to hunt, an exhaustive list, then money to earn, like in my case.

It was a morning like one of such, so I got up from bed reluctantly, propelled only by a domineering cerebrum whose reasoning drowned the rebellious protest of my whole lazy body. I sauntered hurriedly to the bathroom and performed the necessary cleaning procedures. After that and a hurried breakfast, I set out for work, already acclimated to waking up.

I strolled briskly down the street to the bus stop where I’d take a bus to work. During the walk, I spared some time to greet the neighbors I passed on the way, superficially, in a similar way, but really my “good mornings” may have had the same tone and voice, but they definitely did not convey synonymous wishes. To Mustafa, the nice jovial ‘aboki’ who always sold me things on credit, sometimes giving me some wraps of gum or sticks of cigar as ‘jara’, and to Iya Las, who had helped me settle okada one time, my ‘good morning’ was actually good morning.

To Pastor, the pastor who woke up at five every morning, adorned his vocal appurtenance, an old voice amplifier (you know how noisier the old ones are), and set about winning souls, the good morning that heartily proceeded from my smiling lips was processed in my head as “get a life!!!” To Mama Nkechi, the gossip who was always peddling rumours about how useless I was, my hearty greeting concealed what was conceived in my heart, “I hope you drink JIK!!!” To Chief, whose new jeep zoomed pass me as he waved back a reply to my ‘good morning’, I prayed he hit a truck this morning, for not stopping to offer a ride.

At the bus stop, I check my G-shock watch (or was it a chronometer?) and saw I still had some time to glance at headlines at the newspaper stand. There wasn’t much in the ‘much’ in the news today. There was no news on Boko Haram or kidnapping, and that was good news, hope it remains like that forever. ASUU strike still on, some agitated students in some states had started protesting, against ASUU. I hissed, dumb peeps, the axe should be grounded with FG, they have the money, why mark it down for 2015 while the universities could go to hell? Well, as for me, if I was ASUU, I wouldn’t compromise at all, c’mon, we’ve been doing this since 2009, let it end once and for all. What’s the point of calling off the strike now, only to embark on another one next year?

I detached my mind from the whole issue, after all, it’s none of my business. What parallels a garage tout with overloading? I left the paper stand to get a bus to work, I couldn’t believe my eyes. The tiny queue present when I arrived at the bus stop had metamorphosed into a mammoth crowd, I sighed, it would take the strength of Hercules to get a bus now.

Several minutes, a rumpled shirt and a dusty shoe later, I was in a bus, an old rickety one, sardined with two other passengers in the front seat. The front seat was meant to carry just one passenger, at most two, but being the third passenger was the only way, I had to elbow the guy who struggled with me for the seat, I got a blow in response, if the bus hadn’t sped off, I’d have gotten more.

I settled in the bus (better put, I squeezed into a fairly comfortable position), checked my eye, thank God for sharp reflexes, it wasn’t too bad…yet, who knows maybe by tonight…

I picked up my phone as I always do on my way to work, Lola had replied my message on Facebook, she’d agreed on having a date with me, I had to start saving, no lunch this week. I checked my BBM messages, Kunle had finally sent his pretty cousin’s pin, I added her and sent a message immediately, Priscilla on what Sapp wanted to know more about me, I replied, asking her to be more specific.

My friend Laz had uploaded a picture on Twitter and mentioned me and the new girl he was hitting on, I zoomed the picture and immediately kwakwarized peepeecopeecally at his obotic face. I dm’d him to remove the picture immediately before it spoilt his P, I also reminded him about his ex’s contact. She had been ‘generous’ to him, maybe I too could get lucky.

I don’t work for a recruiting company, in case you’re wondering what I’m up to. I’m not recruiting for my company, God forbid, they’re still owing me some months pay. The fewer we are, the better my chances of getting paid. I’m not a model scout or a talent scout either but I’m always checking out girls’ DPs, profile pics and avis. I’m always chasing contacts. Factually, I chase more contacts than paper. You have a sister? I’m interested. Broken up with your girl? A chance for me to approach her. Your pretty cousin is in town? I’m coming over…

Why? I’m looking for a girl you can name Caro.

Yes Caro, the same Caro. The same Caro yellow sisi, the same Sister Caro, the same Carolina. However, I wouldn’t mind if her body’s bad oh, in fact, her body isn’t necessary, and Carolina doesn’t need to be a diva. I just need my own Caro. I’d however not want the yellow sisi that’ll chop my money follow oyibo, but I want Caro.

Le struggle for le independence from single life has been tough. I’ve gone through a lot searching for Caro, I’ve been beaten up by a boyfriend I was misled to believe didn’t exist, I’ve spent much trying to make them fall, still they defy gravity. I’ve spent hours building up a familiarity that would culminate in a relationship, I’ve sacrificed lunch to take them to dinner, yet…

Despite all these, I won’t give up on Caro. I’ll keep searching for her ’cause I know she’s out there, somewhere. Maybe she’s the new girl across the street from my house whose digits I’m yet to acquire. She could also be the fair skinned young lady at the super mart I stop at after work everyday just to see her. Who knows, that new girl at work could be Caro. Come to think of it, her name even rhymes with Caro. That’s a sign, God punish work ethics!!!

Whoever she is, wherever she is, please tell Caro if you know her coordinates, that I’m looking for her… Yeba!!!



63 thoughts on “Caro” by igbor clemency (@clemency)

  1. @namdi seen this? I doubt, it was published today, please read through and share your take.

  2. You will see her soon.

    1. Amen oooo @nalongo thanks for stopping by…

  3. #singing# Caro yellow sisi…Caro take my money follow oyinbo, oyinbo run away Caro dey cry. Generally, I think it’s a gud story and I really lyk d part where he was ‘greeting’ his neighbours but I don’t think it’s dt hard to find a wife or girlfriend(If that’s what Caro means in this context). Well done.

    1. @bibbie you can sing ooo, *claps

      You say it’s not that hard eh? Oya help me out… About the greeting part, it’s one of the messages I wanted to pass, how good morning can mean many things. Thanks for stopping by, I hope you enjoyed it.

  4. @clemency…….

    While reading, I had to scroll upwards to check which if its fiction/non-fiction. Yea, fiction. Fine boy like you no dey find Caro na. Na Caro dem dey pursue u.

    About the writing. It’s Ok. Personally, I don’t fancy telling another writer how to arrange his/her lines. Your style defines you.

    Still, my good friend, there’s room for improvement. I kinda felt some sentences had too many words.

    1. @namdi, no be so o, my good friend, I’ve been single almost all my life. It’s mostly fiction and partly non fiction. I hear you sire, there’s room for improvement.

  5. hmmm…oga ooo…what can I say?…k first, I hope you and Wiz Kid finds Caro….I really enjoyed reading some parts, while some other parts were just boring…I blame your use of words Ceaser…
    60% for you…haha

    well done!

    1. @omoniyi 60% for your course… I pass be that, hA! B, I go chop chicken be that. I’ll try to work on my words, thanks for your comment.

      btw, whizkid get too many Caros , na me need Caro pass.

  6. clemenecy, make i no lie to you, na you got find your caro by yourself. i swear
    Nice one though, and sincerely, it amused me.

    1. @fadehan thanks for stopping by. So you won’t help me find Caro

      1. Choi, site ate my comment.

        @fadehan, so you won’t help me find Caro hun? *sad.

        it amused you? Wow, I’m surprised. Mind telling me how?

  7. You dey find caro? Shey na for public compound you still dey live? You dey buy credit from mallam. You dey struggle enta molue abi na keke na pepe gan sef. Shey na because you fit buy BB, na im make you think say you don chop liver enuf to find caro? Tscheew! My fren, go find work do to make enuf dough unles dat Caro go still folo oyinbo run.
    That last word, isn’t it meant to be ‘Yekpa’?
    Twas a nice read, although in some places lesser words could have been used. I like. Well done, ceaser. $ß.

    1. @sibbylwhyte Thank you ma for the advice. I’ll go and find work, if writing no be work.

      I think it’s Yeba not YekpA, not sure though, with all the auto tuning these days, you hardly hear them.

      Glad you like, would lessen the words next time. Thanks always.

      1. @clemency… No mind me jare. I thought it was that usual exclamation. I remember there’s a place called Yaba in Lag.
        Ha. In real life you haven’t had the ‘what do you do for a living’ convo? Hmm. When you do, do let us know what they say at first when you tell em you are a writer. Lol.

        1. @sibbylwhyte it’s still not Yaba,it’s Yeba!!! An exclamation for something tremendous like you know na…I’m sure @hymar knows more about street slangs… I hardly tell people I’m a writer except of course after telling them of my other occupations… Writer keh? Who does that ?

  8. LoL! Funny :D your struggle to find Caro tho, i hope you find her. She’s probably on Twitter, or have you checked instagram? Lol. Nice

    1. @adesewa Facebook, twitter, whatsapp, bbm, instagram, 2go, badoo, wechat, chat on, nimbuzz, skype, google+, naij, Nairaland, now Naijastories, where I never find Caro?

      Thanks for stopping by, welcome on board, you’re welcome to check out my other posts and drop your comment.

        1. @aniefiokitong that one sef dey… Lol. Thanks for stopping by.

  9. I really enjoyed this. Abeg what’s the meaning of ‘kwakwarized peepeecopeecally’? Good job.

    1. @shadiat kwakwarised peepeewhat? Abeg, that thing no dey English so don’t bother your dic.

      I’m glad you enjoyed this, as plotless and unserious as it was. Thank you

  10. Good luck with yo search for the elusive Caro. Flippantly Written piece so there s no point pointing anything out save a few grammaticolugisionism that I didn’t bother checking the dictionary for.

    P.S- it is ” Yepa!!!”

    1. @hymar you get am, my oga, that girl too elusive. Grammaticoluwetin? Na because of the petty grammar wey I blow you wan spoil my eyes and tongue like this? Abeg ooo.

      Thanks for stopping by, bro, and for pointing out Yepa to us.

  11. Caro dey fire pass ferarri, can u keep up. Caro dey do she no dey tire, go drink ogidiga.
    Or else u no go c her breaklight.

    Very cool piece. It had me indulged at every passing second.

    1. @Ronaldbellaz oshey!!!! Thanks man, you’re welcome to check out my other posts and drop your comments. Gracias.

  12. Nice one… And keep looking. You’ll find her.

    1. @ehiabah Amen ooo. Thanks for stopping by…

  13. Caro has not been born yet. lol
    nice one.
    I enjoyed it.

    1. @itsabum na swear nii? Abeg ooo, my Caro has been born and is out there somewhere. She may be you sef…

      Thanks for stopping by mi dulce, I’m glad you enjoyed it.

      1. LOL. was just messing with you, no be swear. Keep writing.

        1. @itsabum Haa, thank God ooo, imagine waiting longer for my Caro to be delivered, grow, mature, and still get found by me… Grey hair things… Lol…

          thanks for the advice ma’am, I’ll keep writing by His grace.

  14. Inviting @Josephoguche @chime221 @ayistar @feio @funpen @six @danjuma @sambrightomo @topazo @mimiadebayo @nicolebassey @simplisilv @kleavajimcy to spare some time in reading this post and sharing their take. Thanks as you help me get better.

  15. @clemency

    Hmnn, sure say u go find original Caro 4 social media? Make urself a caring person with a nice , fairly sure idea where u r going in life (plus plans to earn good money- not necessarily be very rich) and many Caros will come chasing. Add God fearing to the mix……..

    That said, I noticed a few tense issues here and there. In d 1st 4 lines, you started with don’t, don’t, then finished with wouldn’t, wouldn’t. You need to keep it. consistent – limbs won’t budge.

    Also the tale could have been told in fewer words. Find a way to cut like a word in five words and see if the tale can still be told. I thot it was funny in some places but not, in others. All d same nice of u to tell the story that ikm sure many r inching to tell- d story of finding mr and mrs right.

    1. @funpen I’m updating my qualifications for Caro now now to include the criteria you mentioned. Thanks for the correction, guess I still have to work on my tenses.

      I promise to infuse enough laughter in my next post to dismantle your rib cage and infarct your myocardium hehehe…

      Thanks much for the commentary.

      1. In fact, I’m already laughing.

        1. @funpen hehehe… The juju is working then…

  16. @clemency, 9ice piece hope u find ur elusive caro.

    1. @danjuma I hope so too. Thanks much for sparing time for this.

  17. Thanks for tagging me to this one boss.
    It’s a very nice one. I must confess I enjoyed the humour you killed it with. Especially the greeting part. I have a short poem that has similar suggestion. It reads:

    GOOD MORNING

    “Is there truth to it?
    A mere greeting?
    No,
    There should be some truth.
    Man is two things in one
    Senile and naked at night,
    Butterflies, clothed at dusk.
    At dawn, they spread their wings and fly.
    Infamous creatures!
    Hideous men that walk,
    They hit their heads and fall.

    Look! They are spreading secrets
    Under their smile,
    The guise is itself untrue
    But it says a whole lot”.

    Well done bro. I enjoyed the piece a lot. It made me laugh too, especially the hustle for bus part.

    N.P: what Sapp is Whatsapp.
    Well done.

    1. @chime221 my pleasure, my oga. Trust me, true to my award as the class clown and naughtiest by nature, to always infuse enough laughs in my stories. Hope this poem has been submitted for publication oo, it’s vintage editors’ pick material. Thanks for sharing it. I’m glad you enjoyed.

      Don’t mind my autocorrect, it gave me what Sapp instead of What Sapp.

      1. I have no plans to publish it in NS. It came out of reference. But now that you’ve mentioned it, perhaps I should.

        Thanks all the same, for believing in the poem.

        1. @chime221 I enjoin you to publish it, work on it a little, more lines, more life, it’s splendid… And alert me when you do *wink

  18. Against the popular opinion that women is greater in number than men, I think that finding Caro (giving the derived meaning in the text) is harder than finding a pin in a dark room.

    I wish you find her soon shaa.

    1. @chime221 well said, it’s easier for you to slap mopol and go scot free than finding Caro. I pray I find her soon

  19. Hehe, the story was fun abeg. E be like say you serious put, good job, @clemency.

    1. @six I try to try my best… Thanks for supporting as always.

  20. Clemency we’ll done. I like the writing style here and apart from what has already been said, there’s nothing more to add.

    All the best in your search dear.

    Kudos!

    1. @mimiadebayo gracias ma’am. Your comment is much appreciated, thank you.

  21. Let me direct you to the fastest place to find Caro, on the mountain. 40days of prayers and fasting, by the time you are through, na Caro go meet you with food to break the fast

    Well written, but too much words than needed…

    Well done

    1. @topazo Really? Oya where google map? I’m trekking to Kilimanjaro now… Lol

      I hear you sir, too many words, I’ll try trimming them off. Thanks sir.

  22. What you seek, you shall find.

    1. @sambrightomo according to holy writ… Amen

      Thanks for your time.

  23. mendel martha (@ihenyengladysusile)

    all this while you’ve not find caro,when will you now find her?you better marry mariam or bose or even chidinma or maybe aisha,if you like yourself or na for grave you go meet caro…….loll keep searching………..

    1. @ihenyengladysusile lol, Bose, Mariam, Omaro, Chi Chi, Utibe, Amaka, Ogechi, Bolu, Yetunde, all na Caro.

      1. mendel martha (@ihenyengladysusile)

        dat na true talk sha,since all of dem na caro,then stick to one and get serious………stop testing

        1. @ihenyengladysusile you’re right, but the problem is who is the One?

  24. @clemency, lol. Your search for Caro is major.
    I hope you find her soon. And everything else you want in life.
    Funny piece, esp the first part where your MC is greeting his neighbours.
    I like your style.

    1. @olajumoke major searching niii…. Lol

      Thanks for your commentary and the kind wishes. I’m glad you find this post funny.

  25. Way to go @clemency, I enjoyed reading this. Parts of the piece had me in stitches!
    This is fiction and amazing, i’m sure you’ll keep it up.

    1. @ayistar thanks brother mine. Still waiting for you to switch to prose, just 2 months of writing prose and I’m loving it. Poetry is our first love, but prose is…. Way to go man.

  26. Don’t give up on your faith.

Leave a Reply