Writers note: Please read the part 1 and 2 to follow the story.
Food na for belle and belle na for food. If you no believe me go ask Mr. Paul wey fast for only one day,one day o, naim he begin hear e name. He begin tell people say dem dey call am. Who dey call am ,we no know. Na when he finish one plate of correct rice wey dem use salad and dodo take decorate, naim he no hear him name again.
As I eat mama Sikira Amala finish, naim my own eyes clear well-well. Although nobody dey call my name like Mr. Paul so make una no laugh. So I pick my phone to take call this rat before I reach my house. I no kuku know wetin dem don do again. But I go Iet dem know who be the real owner of the house, but I go dey careful sha make I no enter their trap. Rat wey eat your certificate, your certificate wey you spend years with strike take collect, fit do anything. As una use una eyes take see and una go still see.
Before I think finish naim my phone ring.
Mr. Oghene, my secretary tell me say you call me, you no dey fear? So you get liver to call me and you expect me to pick your yeye call? You no dey fear?
-Hello, Mr. Rat, fear what? Are you God? You are not even a human and I should be afraid of you?
Now listen to me, I will give you two options and you must choose one. It is either I kill you and your stupid gang with rat poison or I come into my house with rodent fumigator and fume all of you out of the whole of Sekina. Choose one and call me back!
Na so I use the style of the bus man answer am come drop the phone! Before I get the chance to laugh,naim the phone
Him voice be like tataafo own for phone.
“Mr Oghene I know say you be warri boy, me sef I be warri rat. How you think say I take be the Co-ordinator of things for this area? We nor dey come last, you sef know that one. And incase you dey wonder how I take reach here, na inside that your mumu bag wey you call suitcase naim I dey for Warri before you separate me from my papa and mama.As I come reach Lagos naim I see all this Lagos rat wey just big for nothing dey do like Osuo. E nor reach ten days before I become oga for here.As a street rat wey don survive crude oil wahala for our hole for Warri,Lagos na small thing as even you can see.
Why you dey shout? You never hear anything you dey shout. So na me you dey use rat poison to threaten, a whole me. No be today we don dey eat rat poison na,dem no tell you? E don tey. Make I tell you wetin you no know, I go cool down eat your food, still cool down eat your rat poison and nothing go happen. Your head no correct!
And for that fumigator, bring am come, we go help you do am. Na there you go know say Boko Haram wahala for North na small thing. We no need to do national conference before we take action. Before you go fumigate your house, we go don use our shit take design Nigeria map for your wardrobe. Come use our mess take fumigate your room for you.
-Ye ke, you no know say rat dey mess? Mr Oghenekaro, this is fire for fire! You better come back to this house with food for the boys unless we go kidnap your house.
-Kidnap my house?
You never hear am before? Okay If you never hear am, na we wan start am. Nonsense!
Na so phone drop.
My people na shout I fit dey shout, as e dey talk because I tire. If Warri rat tell you say he go eat your poison and nothing go happen to am, help you fumigate your house come kidnap your house, you better believe am. But my people make una advise me. If you dey my shoes, wetin you go do?