As if wetin I hear for phone neva do, wetin I hear for inside the bus wey carry me reach the bustop wey near my house, no be wetin my mouth fit talk finish. But I go try talk am, after all, person wey electric shock still get mouth take shout. Make una help me ask Papa Blessing wetin e see wey a whole man like am go dey cry “milk, milk”, like small pikin when electric show am pepper.My people no be small thing.
As I comot for church dey waka go bustop, I dey think wetin I go do for this Mr. Rat wey call me from my own house. My own house o, on top my table for inside my bedroom! Chai wetin man pikin no go see for this end time wey we dey so.
As I dey think dey go, naim I hear conductor dey shout under hot sun, “Sekina, Sekina, 70 naira. Sekina straight, enter with your change ooo”. Why dem dey shout like this sef? I just dey wonder.
“If you no get change no enter o. Ma wole ti o ba ni change o”. Na so I jump inside the bus o. I kuku look for one corner inside the bus sufri dey think about my life and wetin I go do to this rat wey dey threaten me from my own house! Oyinbo go say can you imagine. My people make una help me imagine o, ehmn.
Before the bus reach bustop e don full na so we face Sekina. For my mind I dey fear because how I wan take face rat wey get the LIVER to call me.To tell me say him don eat my certificate, my original certificate wey I sweat to get from Abraka- As I dey think about the matter inside the bus, naim the china phone of the man wey sidon for my side begin ring.Na so passengers begin hiss.
As everybody take hiss because of the ringtone, naim everybody inside the bus take laugh from wetin them use their ear take hear from the man as he dey follow the person for phone talk. You know say for inside bus, person no kuku get secret. Anything wey you dey talk naim everybody go dey hear. Na so everybody chook ear-
With cool temper, “Hello, yes this is Mr. Ogbonna”.
-Ali, wetin good about the afternoon? Ehn I say wetin good? You better keep your stupid compliments to yourself.You dis thief.
We for inside the bus no dey kuku hear wetin the person wey dey call am dey talk and wetin he do. But wetin him talk next give us idea say the person dey owe am money. By this time the man don dey vibrate with him Igbostic accent for the phone like say na the phone be the person wey dey owe am money.
-Before you frustrate me, I will frustrate you if you dont give me my money.Infact listen to me carefully, I will give you two options. Just two options and you must choose one. It is either I take your name to a native doctor and kill you! Or I arrest you with the C.I.D and you will die in prison. Choose one and call me back!!! Na so he drop him phone with vex.
By this time driver don stop for roadside begin dey laugh like Jackee. Everybody begin to shake with laugh some of us just kuku dey roll for ground, while the conductor wey we think say he no hear don jump down begin dey laugh dey go. Till today we no see am again.
Me wey dey think of my own rat palava don see another man palava come forget say I get problem for ground. But Eureka!!! As we dey laugh go naim the thing nak me for my mind.
Shebi na human being threaten another human being with babalawo. Me sef I go threaten Mr. Rat with rat poison, afterall the people wey dey sell am be like baba lawo too no difference. This rat think say e get sense abi? Me I go show am say even though I dey work for Lagos, na for Warri dem born me. A whole me- Oghenekaro Tega Nowamagbe, aka Ikotomo naim rat dey threaten, e nor dey fear? Forget say I dey carry bible o,me sef I be ninja turtle!
Na so my confidence take rise o. But my people, rat pass rat.
Na so I come down from the bus waka enter Mama Sikirat shop where she dey sell Amala.I bring my phone out from my pocket and with courage naim I look for the number wey Mr. Rat take call me.Na so he pick.
I just form masquerade voice take call am. “Hello, Mr Rat”.
–This no be Mr. Rat o, this naim secretary, infact this is a wrong number.”
Eh!!! See swagger when the phone fall comot for my hand I nor know. Rat wey get secretary? Which type of work he dey do!!!
My people, me wey dey form courage before when I hear say rat get secretary, come dey tell me join say I dey call the wrong number, I just weak. Make I first nak correct amala whether I go get power to call again. If I eat finish I go nak una the rest tori. I dey come.