Rat Palava

For our house we dey chop well-well,we dey chop. God don butter our bread, come sugar our tea.He don bless us so much with food sote all the domestic and international animals wey dey our house dey form Mofasa. Make you for take know say I nor dey lie, the rats wey dey our compound dey flex, dem be like bull dog. Our dogs? Dem be like Lion.Our chicken dem nko? Dem be like Kangaroo! All the food wey we eat remain naim dem dey eat. We sef be like puff-puff, our body dey shine, e dey shine pass 60 watts light bulb. If you never still believe me, come visit me for my house for Sekina street. Yes, things don dey better for our area now. Government don put Kolotar for our road, come cover our gutters well-well. No more mosquitoes, but the one wey manage show, for him small mind na London e dey.

Water no be problem for our area again after wetin happen to papa Blessing. If you wan know wetin happen to papa Blessing, you go meet with our tori keeper for naijastories here. The title wey the tori keeper give the tori na “Water Palava”,e get part one and part two. Na for there you go see how man use water take wicked him fellow man, and how water take show man say wetin Fela talk no be lie,say true-true, water nor get enemy.

As things take change sharperly for our korokoro eyes for Sekina street with surprise, na im the thing wey happen, wey I wan talk so, take shock me. If to say na another person e happen to,I for no agree with wetin I hear. But my people, the thing happen to me. I dey shake my head as I dey write so even sef my hand dey follow shake too. Oyinbo go say tremble. My people as ASUU dey strike- we nor kuku know who strike pass between dem and thunder,and PDP dey get new branch wey nor gree, plus Boko Haram wey no gree for our soldier people, na so the rats wey dey for our house too come dey para.

I been think say NCC don register all numbers for our country so security tight well-well. But na lie o, some people dey train demselves to scatter good things. As the country come nearly wan get k-leg, dey come sack me for my work place.Na him I join the new PDP declare fast for my house. One week fast o, just one week, make God show me my enemies dem.Na the enemy wey you know, better pass the one wey you nor know o. True-true my enemies dem show,dem show well! Who say God nor dey answer prayer? Papa God dey answer prayer well-well. But this prayer wey He answer, na strong ting,e pass my power.

Make I nor dey tempted to enter my neighbour house go chop free food, naim I comot go church go stay for seven days o. As I dey prepare to break my fast on the last day, make I for return to my house, na im I receive this call from Mr. Rat, Co-ordinator of the activities of rat in my room.Na so e introduce himself o.

With him tiny voice, “hello”, Yes hello, who am I speaking with?

Na Mr Oghene be dis abi?

Yes you are speaking with Mr Oghene, who is this please?

So you no recognize my voice abi? Na me your room mate Mr. Rat, the co-ordinator of all the rat runs for your room.
Jesus! You say what?I rebuke you!

Wetin you dey rebuke? Wetin you dey rebuke? Abegi, I dey on top your table now for inside your bedroom.

-I beg your pardon? Which room?

Which yeye beg you dey beg. And which yeye English you dey yarn? You never hala. See I never chop for the past 7 days wey you waka comot. You nor know say na your house be our secretariat for Sekina street?How secretariat no go get food? I check that place wey you dey put food I no see anything. I check the kitchen nothing. I even check your fridge no single food there.

-You got into my fridge?

keep quiet, I still dey talk.E be like say you no like yourself.So you wan kill me and my guys abi? Before you go kill us,we go don kill you first.You see as man dem wicked? No problem, my informants dem tell me say dem don sack you for work naim make food nor dey this house.But that one no be my business. Anyway, I just wan let you know say that your certificate wey dey inside your wardrobe wey dem write DELTA STATE UNIVERSITY I don eat the “DEL” comot. Remaining “TA” STATE UNIVERSITY. Let me see which work you go take”TA” State University find. Rubbish!!!

Hello,hello are you still there…

Na so Mr. Rat drop the phone o.

My brothers and sisters as una take shock, naim me take shock. I just dey shake for here. Una dey see wickedness? Where rat see phone? When rat start to dey talk? But how I go take shock reach again when things dey happen everyday wey dey shock man pikin.Na speed I take begin to run go house.But wetin my eyes see as I reach house, no be wetin my mouth fit talk.I go tell una when my blood don come down.



58 thoughts on “Rat Palava” by sambright (@sambrightomo)

  1. Have you written this before? It was deja vuic for me.
    Plenti tings don dey happen for we contri, even rats don turn terrorists.
    Well done, SamB.

    1. na so o my dear,thanks for reading.

  2. hahaha…..I will make my comment as soon as I m done laughing…

    1. lol, i dey wait.

  3. @sambright, hello brother Kola. Sounds familiar?

    1. Thanks for reading and commenting.

  4. Hehe, I know the joke s munched from somewhere but kudos to Sam for twisting it into a story. Afterall we all have our hidden reservoirs where we loot ideas. No?

    1. Yeah,but for that thought to linger for me,I had to work something out.I like the idea of a talking rat, just had to adapt my brother.Thanks for dropping by though.

    1. Thank you @Nalongo, thank you.

  5. Jo (@josephoguche)

    This is comedy + innovation.

      1. Jo (@josephoguche)

        Welcome

  6. Distinguished (@DistinguishedAnoke)

    Interesting!!!! Already called 911 to help but…
    Sorry, that doesn’t work on Sekena street, right?
    Take heart bro, Lol

    1. ahahahahahah.. things go happen.We will take your advise and apply it accordingly.lol, thanks for stopping by my dear.

  7. Thank you for cracking my rib, but †ђξ repercussion is that you’d take me to hospital.
    Personification works well here. Innovative narrative.
    Well done.

  8. Thank you for cracking my rib, but †ђξ repercussion is that you’d take me to hospital.
    Personification works well here. Innovative narrative
    . Well done.

    1. awwwww, thank you soooo much. @chime221, wait until you read the concluding parts, you go dey cry and laugh at the same time.lol. Thanks for stopping by.Please share.

  9. This made me smile, lata i con laff…. I have seen this comedy before on andriod apps… But as yu take write am, gaskiya, you give am life…
    Nice one.

    1. Thank you my dear….Like I said I adapted it and got more inspiration sef.Wait until you read the sequels,you go dey roll for ground.Like me wey write am.

  10. Interesting writeup! Extremely funny!
    LA STATE UNI, hd me cracking!
    More grease.

    1. Wow,thank God it had such effect on you.For me I giggle hysterically when I read this again.I just can stop reading it my dear.I even wonder how d ingenuity came forth as I settled to write this.Lol.Thank u for reading and commenting.God bless.

  11. Hmm, u go church go locate ur enemy, you no know say ur arch-enemy, Mr. Rat dey ur house.
    Nice, well done!

  12. Hmm, u go church go locate ur enemy, you no know say ur arch-enemy sef, Mr. Rat, dey house dey flex.
    Nice, well done!

  13. Oh @psalmy thank you.When God answer your prayers you go shock.But you know He always reveal to deliver.At least I now know my enemies so I can fight dem well-well!Thanks again for dropping by and please expect the second installation I believe you will laugh and cry at the same time…..

  14. I had to look for the part 1 after reading the second part. Nice!

    1. Thanks my dear.Just to let our people know say our enemies most time are not far-fetched, but actually in our house.Bible says a man’s foes are members of his household.May God help us all.

  15. This is one very hilarious piece. Laughed so hard I almost got a query from my Supervisor. I can’t wait for the next part

    Thumbs up bro

    1. Hahahahahaha, i beg ooo nor laugh forget work o.No be me go dey responsible for your query for office o.Thanks for reading my brother.God bless you @edydeyemi .The second one is already out,check the funny category and read.

  16. Na why I like dis man, e no dey fall hnd. Carry go jare. Make beta just de commot from ya pen.

    1. wow, thanks @nicolebassey already reading your entry for the etisalat challenge, you go win, na me tell you so!!!

  17. Chei see wahala o…

    1. @osakwe wait until you read the concluding parts-it is already out.

  18. @sambrightomo

    LMAO!!

    Okay…I had to come here to start this series from here and it cracked me up.

    It was not until the rat phone call did i conclude that this was going to be a wild ride.

    1. Lord…this your story is giving ideas…like an animated feature. nice work sam!

      1. Yes oo, I thought about that too.It will do well in animation…I can imagine ribs cracking at the dialogues…Thanks @Afronuts for stopping by.Blessings.

  19. lol…nice….cool stuff

    1. Thanks dear.

  20. I think I agree with @Hymar on the believability issue. While ‘Animal Farm’ is as absurd as this in the sense that animals were doing impossible things, it is more realistic. Orwell enunciated the physical attributes of the animals such that it was in symmetry with their roles in the farm as well as a reflection of different people in the Soviet Union whom they were modelled on. Let’s not forget that ‘Animal Farm’ was written as a criticism of the totalitarian govt. He didn’t make the puppies of Bluebell,Jessica and Pinchers into hard workers like Boxer but they were trained to be Napoleon’s guards, his version of Napoleon Bonaparte’s KGB. There was also information that made us not forget they were animals e.g Old Major was respected cos of his laurels in d exhibition world, he was at d ripe old age of 12, a Middle White boar, etc. Boxer was a horse that had a white strip dat ran down his nose and was 18 hands high. Napoleon was a Berkshire boar, etc. All this little details help us remember that they are animals.
    I think this story is cool but it would av been better if @basittjamiu had sprinkled more dog facts/details into it. His dogs are too ‘humanlike’

    1. Erm, oversabi will not kill me o. Pls disregard d comment. Twas intended 4 a different story

    2. No LELE! my dear @Omotola

  21. Hahahaha. See as laughter wan tear my new techno.

    1. hahahahaha, now na you wan use laughter scatter my laptop screen,like The Ruler for Wizard of the Crow by Ngugi Wa Thiong’o… Thanks for reading though, God bless.

  22. great work my dear

  23. you are also a great thinker my dear

  24. i wish to think like you

    1. Well just push your imagination a bit,and you will be surprised.

  25. Na wa 4 those rats o, bt i stil bliv say d rat 4 my area na im rugged pas

    1. Are you serious?The rat for your area dey wear cap?If dem dey wear cap,then I go bow for them.

  26. One word

    Brilliant.

    Well done

  27. @sambrightomo, it seems your gift na to de write for pidgin oooooooooo………….Baba God don bless your hands oh……….

    1. thank you bro.Expect more…

  28. Hahahahahahh omg. Rat!! Its crazy how funny this is but they are talking about serious issues here… I read this while walking home… made the walk easy…
    I will be taking little doze of this series little by little..

  29. lol. please take your time…

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