It’s a One Word 1

It’s a One Word 1


SHE stepped into class that morning and the first thing she released to the class was “hope you are enjoyed your holidays”. This was the first among series of ear assaults we were to receive and we instantly knew something was not in place, or more was in place. We knew we were going to have a jolly ride, this was no ordinary lecture, and no ordinary lecturer. There was more to her than her simple dressing, her pleasing demeanour, and the textbooks she held in her hand. She was here to do more than teach us physical properties of liquids and gas, and set another hindrance to A, she was also here to improve our vocabulary of superb shells.

Chemistry last semester was a journey, an adventure, a struggle (thanks to that organic chemistry guy), a study in boredom (courtesy of the beautiful but boring attractive lady who lectured us physical chemistry 1), a blast to the past (those stochiometry lectures that made us feel like nursery school kids) and lastly, and definitely not leastly, comedy.

The man responsible for the comedy was an entire comedy. He didn’t need to crack a joke, his fashion, his walk, his talk and his shells were enough to dismantle your rib cage. I can’t forget that dacron line “that is how we are have dacron, which we is using…”. Nobody had any reason to fail that question under polymers in the exam, though most of us, including me, failed it because we were carried away laughing. Add that to his baggy shirts tucked into wide jumpeys, giving us examples of gases under pressure (like in a parachute). Don’t forget also his five button, seven piece suits which wore him to class -they’re too big for him to be the one wearing them. Everything about him was just funny.

Just when we thought things wouldn’t get any better, or worse (it’s a two sided coin, one man’s meat, another’s poison thing, depending on the kind of student you are), things took a different turn this second semester. For we class clowns, it got better. We got a super serious no nonsense lecturer for Transition Metals, sigh, ligands almost made me lose the physiology of my brain. Then there was this extra boring lecturer for Periodicity who dictated notes upon notes until half the class slept off.

They were the only two downsides, the rest were just what we unserious ones(as they called us, before results were released) were looking for. The man who was assigned  Periodic Properties is arguably one of the most interesting lecturers we had, he was deliberately funny, what with his faked Ijebu accent. “Sodion (Na), does not undergo combussion, filtrasion of the metal gifs…” The timing of the class was just perfect, last period, after the super serious lecturer had tired and bored us. The best thing, to me, about him was that he left the class immediately (sometimes even before) his period was over. I’ve never had a better last period in my life.

Organic chemistry 2, the organic chemistry we were required to take this semester was handled by another deliberately funny guy. This one, imported his accent and mannerism from the north. Trust an aboki to bring a bottle of coke to class to show university students PET. All these chemical characters and their acts notwithstanding, it was the lecturer to whom this piece is dedicated who stole the show.

We paused what we were doing to make sure we’d heard right, discussions suspended, the hustle and bustle of getting ready for a new lecture temporarily dismissed, notes and materials debarred from completing  their voyages from bags. She repeated herself “I say hope you are enjoyed your holidays”. All doubt was cleared, the problem wasn’t our auditory anatomy, it wasn’t a chance gbaguan, it was deliberately conceived, packaged and delivered, standing before us was a master sheller, and we were about to be blown apart.

32 thoughts on “It’s a One Word 1” by igbor clemency (@clemency)

  1. Smiles ruefully. I know of an office in school at Uniben where the notice on the door said BURSTARY instead of BURSARY. And a mischievous clown had scrawled GBAGUN beneath it.

    1. @hymar I do that a loooooot. It’s what gave me four awards at my class award dinner. Best academic student, all round student, then same me winning both class clown award and the award for being naughty by nature. My gbaguan inventory was legend, you’ll find out what happened to it in the second part.

  2. Lecturers who need to be lectured themselves. Lol.
    Thumbs,class clown.

    1. Gracias @mimiadebayo, hope it’s not a bad thing to be a class clown.

  3. namdi (@namdi)

    Lol….ticha no tish me nonsense (teacher no teach me nonsense).

    Waiting to know what happened next.

    1. @lol, Fela must have experienced it too. @namdi second part loading

  4. Nalongo (@Nalongo)

    There is a positive side to this, she caught your attention, and I am sure you are better off for it.

    1. @nalongo, true, at least I stayed awake throughout her classes, straining to catch a missile.

  5. Ah! The lecturers who failed english… If none of your teachers ever committed a grammatical blunder, my friend, you are on a long thing. You need to switch or go back to school.
    As for me, I learns plenty from them and I am learned more and much from our Madam on the Top of Aso rock. Clemency, the manhood of those people always lived on in our memories.
    Waiting for 2. Well done. $ß.

    1. Lol @sibbylwhyte wanna *suicide me with laugh, you’re really abreast of this gbaguan palaver. Thanks for your comments as always.

  6. As for me, I learns plenty from them and I am learned more and much from our Madam on the Top of Aso rock. Clemency, the manhood of those people always lived on in our memories.
    Waiting for 2. Well done. $ß.

  7. LMAO with Bubbllinna’s comment above.

    1. Me sef, never knew the wordlayer knew a thing about shooting gram bullets, I’m quite surprised, but if @kaycee could confess being gay on NS, wonders won’t be ending soon @josephoguche @sibbylwhyte

      1. lol … ‘shooting gram bullets’ @clemency

      2. Come, who is the mumuness saying kaycee confessed to being gay??
        @josephoguche, @sibbylwhyte

        1. @kaycee Baba ti para…. Lol, I meant the kinda *gay* you confessed to being…

          1. @clemency … Kaycee’s comment above should be directed to you right? :)

            1. @josephoguche positive, he’s referring to me

              1. Ok. Cos I was mentioned and was wondering. @clemency

        2. Am sure if you read through all the comments you can see what contributions were made and who made them and the context in which they were made.@kaycee but i dont think anyone said that anyway.

  8. the inkheart (@inkheart)

    Ghen ghen!! Just imagine that with a concentrated ibadan accent…

    1. @inkheart, you just defined”double tragedy”

  9. leroyA (@LEROY)

    Some wacky stuff here, well done.

  10. @leroy thanx, hope you’ve seen part two.

  11. Wear bullet proof o. Please what’s the name of your school, so I’ll not make the mistake of sending my children there? O’boy.
    Good stuff you.

    1. @psalmy bulletproof right? I’ll set about getting one.

      It’s a good school, I tell you. Iya Dwayne lectured chemistry very well, she’s a pro, but her English…. *in Bruno Mars’ voice “NO! NO!! NO!!! NO! NO!!”

      1. @psalmy gracias mon ami for the compliment.

  12. u really got me laughing though I could not understand all that science gibberish

  13. @danjuma, thanks for commenting. Don’t mind my science gibberish, sometimes I’m thrown off by some legal mumbo jumbo, but I’m cool with my lawyer friends, some of whom have contributed greatly to my writing career.

    Glad I got you laughing, check out my other posts, Mishap and the sequel to this would make you laugh more…

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