IT’S A ONE WORD
SHE stepped into class that morning and the first thing she released to the class was “hope you are enjoyed your holidays”. This was the first among series of ear assaults we were to receive and we instantly knew something was not in place, or more was in place. We knew we were going to have a jolly ride, this was no ordinary lecture, and no ordinary lecturer. There was more to her than her simple dressing, her pleasing demeanour, and the textbooks she held in her hand. She was here to do more than teach us physical properties of liquids and gas, and set another hindrance to A, she was also here to improve our vocabulary of superb shells.
Chemistry last semester was a journey, an adventure, a struggle (thanks to that organic chemistry guy), a study in boredom (courtesy of the beautiful but boring attractive lady who lectured us physical chemistry 1), a blast to the past (those stochiometry lectures that made us feel like nursery school kids) and lastly, and definitely not leastly, comedy.
The man responsible for the comedy was an entire comedy. He didn’t need to crack a joke, his fashion, his walk, his talk and his shells were enough to dismantle your rib cage. I can’t forget that dacron line “that is how we are have dacron, which we is using…”. Nobody had any reason to fail that question under polymers in the exam, though most of us, including me, failed it because we were carried away laughing. Add that to his baggy shirts tucked into wide jumpeys, giving us examples of gases under pressure (like in a parachute). Don’t forget also his five button, seven piece suits which wore him to class -they’re too big for him to be the one wearing them. Everything about him was just funny.
Just when we thought things wouldn’t get any better, or worse (it’s a two sided coin, one man’s meat, another’s poison thing, depending on the kind of student you are), things took a different turn this second semester. For we class clowns, it got better. We got a super serious no nonsense lecturer for Transition Metals, sigh, ligands almost made me lose the physiology of my brain. Then there was this extra boring lecturer for Periodicity who dictated notes upon notes until half the class slept off.
They were the only two downsides, the rest were just what we unserious ones(as they called us, before results were released) were looking for. The man who was assigned Periodic Properties is arguably one of the most interesting lecturers we had, he was deliberately funny, what with his faked Ijebu accent. “Sodion (Na), does not undergo combussion, filtrasion of the metal gifs…” The timing of the class was just perfect, last period, after the super serious lecturer had tired and bored us. The best thing, to me, about him was that he left the class immediately (sometimes even before) his period was over. I’ve never had a better last period in my life.
Organic chemistry 2, the organic chemistry we were required to take this semester was handled by another deliberately funny guy. This one, imported his accent and mannerism from the north. Trust an aboki to bring a bottle of coke to class to show university students PET. All these chemical characters and their acts notwithstanding, it was the lecturer to whom this piece is dedicated who stole the show.
We paused what we were doing to make sure we’d heard right, discussions suspended, the hustle and bustle of getting ready for a new lecture temporarily dismissed, notes and materials debarred from completing their voyages from bags. She repeated herself “I say hope you are enjoyed your holidays”. All doubt was cleared, the problem wasn’t our auditory anatomy, it wasn’t a chance gbaguan, it was deliberately conceived, packaged and delivered, standing before us was a master sheller, and we were about to be blown apart.