Just You

Just You

You with that healing smile
And that hearty laugh
With a heart so agile
And the eyes of a golden calf
Just you.

You with that soothing voice
And a soul of care
The tempting lucifer to ‘the boys’
Yet thy beauty I can’t bear
Just you.

You that breaks the spell
And divides yokes assunder
So much that our heart would tell
That our bond be stronger
Just you.

You, my darling wife
Who beget Peter and Paul
Together we survived strife
And broke through every wall
Just you.

You wakes me up in the morning
With a longing kiss
That my heart’s always melting
Oh what crazy bliss!
Just you.

Yet it is still you
Who slept with my best pal
You who I refused to sue
That made me taste the gall of betrayal.
Just you.



18 thoughts on “Just You” by praize (@praize)

  1. Dnt be sparing with your views readers…dis is just a start.

  2. Uh Uh. Woman, why now? Betrayal sucks. I like that twist at the end.
    I would suggest you remove stanza 5 – we already know they had love between them, so it doesn’t do much, plus the tense there is wrong on its line 1. If you wanna keep it, edit it.
    Well done, Praize. $ß.

    P.S; I am glad that issue got worked out.

  3. My favourite?… The last stanza.
    Nice. Heed to Sibbyl’s comment.
    Keep writing.

  4. Yeah…thanks Bubblina. I made a mistake. It’s supposed to be “who wakes me”. Thanks 4 d correction. I will b careful next time.
    P.S: Nd they stil repeated their ¤50¤ points o!

    1. @ogaoga. Have the points for published posts been reduced to 50points? If no, please attend to @praize – he/she says he was credited with 50points for this post and a previous one.
      He/she is still a newbie, please address the issue for the writer.

      P.S: Forgive the ‘intrusion’.

      1. @sibbylwhyte we are attending to @praize via private messaging now. Thanks for calling our attention.

  5. Yeah. Thanks@mimiadebayo. She’s nt being “Chief of Mischief” today.

    1. @praize, you haven’t been on tabs? @sibbylwhyte is now the Editor-in-chief.

  6. I like the twist…but why did you use words like ‘thy’ ‘beget’? This ws written in contemporary English and those words spoilt the flow.

    Also in trying for a rhyme, you used words that detracted from the poem’s beauty.

    I had issues with the 3rd stanza…take a closer look at it.

    1st stanza was brilliant..
    Well done

  7. Thanks bro@topazo . I shall heed to ‘thy’ corrections. This is just a start. I’ll make sure I improve.

  8. Daireen (@daireenonline)

    Er, I’ll pass on the whip and cherry treatment. All these people and there’s just you.

    Here’s a tip. Write, rewrite and throw away a lot of poems, articles and stories. The better ones will endure and you’ll find editing easier.

    Cheers.

    1. If you threw a lot what lot would you be left with @daireenonline?

      1. @elovepoetry you understand what I mean na. There are some poems you write that you know just won’t cut it. So you toss ’em away.

        I’m not saying all.

  9. Thanks Daireen.

  10. I don’t critique/review, I just comment on how I found the poem/article (generally and to my liking)…. One Word – Great.

  11. This for a start? weldone.

    Weldone @praize

  12. Thanks Basit. See ya around

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