Black Chronicles: Stop Right There

Black Chronicles: Stop Right There

“You can’t make it out of here alive,” the Rubenesque doctor said as I used the key card I had got from the guard to open a door that I presumed would take me to the basement then out of the god-awful place.

“You have a family, right?”

She said nothing, but I could feel her nod albeit restrained. I was sure that if I acted fast, and with speed, I would catch everyone by surprise.

The door gaped open to a brightly lit hallway. So long as it seemed to promise getting me outta there I was to walk right in, but something was terribly wrong – the doctor was not scared. She ought to be. I could feel it all over her body, how relaxed she was, as I pushed her forward.

“Why should I help you?” she asked. “You would kill me the minute I got you out of here. And either way, I’m dead.”

“You don’t know that,” I said. What I wanted to say was shut the hell up and do as I say.

Once in the hallway, I looked back the way we had come. The door had sealed itself shut. I riveted my gaze onto the wall corners looking for cameras. There’s none that I could see. So far, so good.

“You are about to do the worst mistake of your life, Zohara. People don’t just try this here,” the doctor was not shutting up. “No one does. If you want, we can still go back. It’s not too late.”

The gun on her head prodded her and she moved forward, motivated by idea of keeping her dear life intact.

The hallway was a honeycomb of corridors, like the ancient Roman catacombs, each corner leading to another and another until I almost gave up. Was the doctor right that there was no way of getting out of this place? Well, there was only one way to find out.

And then it happened – I saw the word ‘EXIT’ in bright red written at the end of one corridor. That was it, my passport to outside the hellacious, seemingly secret, place.

Exactly thirty seconds later, according to the beating of my heart, we exited the honeycomb corridors and went further down via a staircase that led to an underground garage. There was an assortment of vehicles: Jeeps, 4WD SUVs, Hummers and Humvees. What was this place?

In movies, car keys are always conveniently left in the car. Only few scenes show what really a real motorist would do – no one leaves their car keys in the ignition unless they are carjackers. What the star does is to break in, twist the steering wheel and expose wires that he then connects and the car starts. This was no movie, but I knew one thing for sure – Humvees do not use a key. The ignition is a knob that one turns and bingo! I looked for a Humvee Scout that was near the entrance.

I made one final demand – she drives. I was not going to give her the chance of thinking I won’t kill her right there and then by focusing on driving.

She backed the Humvee out then drove up the driveway to stop at an exit point manned by armed guards. I saw one of the guards approach the Humvee, his M16 assault rifle aimed at the driver, then changed immediately to me.

“Stop right there! Open the gates,” I commanded. “Or God help me I will blow her brains out now…”

As though the approaching guard had not heard what I had said, he kept on coming. I tightened my grip on the gun pointing directly at the doctor’s temple and pushed it hard. She yelled in pain, but the guard kept on coming. I could see more of them crawling out of nowhere, as though they had been waiting for me in an ambush.

“I told you I won’t hesitate to kill you if you didn’t get me out of here,” I told the doctor. “Guess I have got to go ahead with my threat…”

Using my peripheral vision I looked at the gun on my hand, felt its heft. More guards crawled out of unseen hiding places, their menacing weapons trained on me. Was there a way of getting out of this?

I tightened my grip on the gun. Everything was like a combination of a lethal dose of dope. I had only one option. If I was going to die, again, I was not going to die alone.

Mechanically, I pulled the hammer of the gun back, its barrel pressed at the doctor’s temple. I could hear the doctor’s breath. She was now scared.

Then I did what I had to do. I pulled the trigger.


A thundering explosion and the brightest flash I had ever seen ensued before I yelled in pain.


Copyright ©Elove, 2013

Read more of my articles, stories and poems on:

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Poetic Justness



22 thoughts on “Black Chronicles: Stop Right There” by elovepoetry (@elovepoetry)

  1. @elovepoetry, intriguing start. Tuned in for the next part…good job

    1. @ayomitans, this is not a start. It is a very long series, you should check the earlier series, this is the 18th episode. Thanks for reading, and commenting.

  2. Bola (@basittjamiu)

    Intriguing weldone.

    1. Thanks for reading and commenting @basittjamiu.

  3. Interesting, and action packed..
    A few typos crept in, but did not stop me from seeing the action in my head like a movie. Do take care of them when next you reread.
    Well done, Elove. $ß.

    1. Thanks @sibbylwhyte for reading and commenting (despite the typos. You once told me that people go through their works over 20 times and still the work would have mistakes, you wouldn’t have been further from the truth). I will check on the typos on my original copy and edit.

      Thanks for being such a good critic, you are one in a million (and this is not flattery, I’m sure you have been told to severally), your reading and comments on all works on NS is exemplary. You are a reader any writer would die a million deaths to lose.

      1. @elovepoetry.This is humbling, really. Thanks a lot, E. Cheers! $ß.

  4. I just got here and i enjoyed this bare some typo. Well done.

    1. Thanks for reading, and your comment, read the earlier series please.

  5. My bad!!! I meant ”bar some typo”.

    1. No problemo (like the Terminator says).

  6. Daireen (@daireenonline)

    Ghen ghen! Action movie toh bahd. This is what I’m saying…

    Well done.

    1. Thanks @daireenonline for reading and commenting.

  7. Reads like a movies script (0nly the directions are missing), more like a la Nikita-eque thingy. Bring on more.

    1. @vincentdepaul… more coming, keep tabs on this page.

  8. What about Zohara, I like her @elovepoetry. This is really mind-captivating. You’ve got the talent @elovepoetry

  9. Thanks a lot @innoalifa. Zohara has quite a number of names, depending on who is calling her.

    1. @ELOVEPOETRY, Zohara? Tell me more……….

          1. good @innoalifa. The smile tells me something

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