I tell my friend John Paul
that in an earthquake all broken things break together.
we spend most nights trying to unmask most things,
I tell him
between the ages of 16 and 20
I had saved up enough time to buy my heart some running shoes.
He tells me,
“With all the glittering chandeliers the darkness still don’t disappear.
Some things you can never run away from”
I’m guessing he meant love.
On most days, I build a levee to hold back the ocean behind my eyelids.
It hurts to love you.
It hurts more when I leave and I am without you.
But I have learnt that
You can find every letter of brave in vulnerability.
So if one must break then it is best to shatter.
I do not know if it is best for me to walk away.
I have no clue if all of this will be nothing more than a faded jeans memory.
But I know I search for your smell in almost every person I meet.
I know how I feel when your front door opens and you are standing right in front of me.
I know that this is love, all of it.
The type so strong that it will frighten almost anyone.
The type that would make anyone want to run away.