Liberated

It is here at your final year dinner, that you decide to move on. The lights are dim. Students hang in clusters around tables covered with food and drinks, holding paper plates and plastic cups. Soft music fills the room and beautiful decorations of purple, white and red satin hang on walls and weave around pillars.

This is when you see him; he is laughing at something a friend said. This is also when you decide to abnegate, because it dawns on you that making a flesh and blood human being the main source of your happiness is foolish. Making his decision count so much is preposterous. His movements seem to occur in slow motion, it always does. Time always stands still for him.

But enough, you weren’t going to wait any more, hoping that whenever he walked towards you; he was coming to claim you as his own. You had always hoped…

This sort of hope, you decide, is a bad thing, a snare. It seems to hold your breathe uncomfortably, seems to keep you in a permanent state of inhaling… Without a moment to exhale. Not one.

You look at those perfectly squared shoulders one last time and drink in every detail that is this man you have loved and perhaps even obsessed about. And when you turn away, that action of tilting your face to the side, your eyes focused on the door, you know it’s the end.

This of course did not mean you would not think of him. You would, but not with hope anymore. Not with that void, stifling hope.

You stand up and walk towards the door. It’s raining outside, but you don’t care. You walk under the cleansing drops that fall from the sky, past hostel blocks, past trees with red flowers and brown pods, past the lawns your school took pride in keeping perfectly manicured.

From the distance, you see your classmate, Lanre, standing in front of your hostel. You briefly wonder why he isn’t at the dinner. He hurries towards you, holding a grey umbrella and shields you from the rain.

“I have been waiting for you”; he says looking into your eyes.

He barely covers himself with the umbrella and you watch the rain drops become films that spread across his blue shirt.

You look back into his eyes and know that with him, hope would have more exhales of wonder and content than pensive inhales. You also know you would come to love his dimpled smile, his lazy drawls and all that he is. Perhaps not today, maybe not even tomorrow, but soon. Because, contrary to popular opinion, Love is a choice.

You smile at him and welcome the change that is him, as you both walk towards your hostel.



30 thoughts on “Liberated” by Olan (@Olan)

  1. Hmmmm…I enjoyed this! It was a slow, delicious drink of carefully crafted detail; I love many of those lines there–Poetic prose!

    Really, sometimes, love is a choice different from what the movies tell us.

    Well done, Olan. Keep improving your art.

    1. @chemokopi. Thanks for reading, I also agree love is a choice. Its something you grow into, not necessarily something that hits you out of nowhere. @olajumoke @LEROY @NIRA-SLYVES @sibbylwhyte @jade69 @Jadesola thank you so much for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it. @ibagere, I’m glad I you think it’s a classic line :D @Mimiadebayo NS madam of suspense, it always a joy to see your comment. Waiting for your next masterpiece O. @nicolebassey thank you. Your suggestions are welcome.

  2. @Olan, waoh, this is awesome. The beautiful lines draw me in from the first sentence. Very well written, welldone.

  3. C’est Bon !!!! Well done.

  4. Me likey!
    Keep writing…

  5. Sunshine (@nicolebassey)

    This is very beautiful, @Olan and I like it, do I suggest some tweaks or hold my peace?

  6. Good piece and loaded with beautiful words.kudos

  7. lovely piece. hope she finds passion along wit love

  8. This is really beautiful…your use of the 2nd POV draws a reader in…
    Nicely written. Well done. $ß.

  9. “And when you turn away, that action of tilting your face to the side, your eyes focused on the door, you know it’s the end” … Classic!

  10. Like @chemokopi, I love the slow detailing of this piece. Well done!

  11. U tell d tale of love wit such precision.I loved every word n d way it was written.Really captivating.Well done

  12. @Olan I’m working on it.I’ll let you know when it gets published. Keep your fingers crossed…

  13. @Olan…Ha! It comes alive on NS…still as beautyful and well crafted as it was and as we’ve come to expect from you…Great writing!

  14. Cool, really cool. Poetic in bits, fluid as a whole. Good job.

    “I have been waiting for you(,)” he says looking into your eyes.”

    Commas before the quotation mark…

    Enjoy!

    1. @banky. Thank you so much for the critique. Commas before quotation marks. Noted. I had always been confused about that. Thanks

  15. This is easily a classic; I love its flow and how it conjures beautiful mental imagery with the suffusion of poetry.
    Just noted a few ‘off’ things;
    The action of someone laughing at something a friend said appears cliche… At least, I’ve seen it in a couple of movies and novels. Then…
    But enough, you weren’t going to wait any more,
    hoping that whenever he walked towards you;
    he was coming to claim you as his own…
    The semi-colon there appears misplaced.
    ‘Breathe’ is meant to be ‘breath’.
    Asides that, this is effortlessly grade A!
    Thanks for adding beauty to a normal day :)

    1. @wendeekay thank you. I really appreciate your comment, especially the issues you pointed oout. I have most definitely taken note of them. Thanks again. :D

  16. @olan, as others have said, this was a beautifully written piece – a slow, refreshing drink of poetic prose that captured the precise moment there was a change in awareness.

    The only change I would have made was that I would not have made the MC so certain about the future of her relationship with Lanre, since she would still be coming to terms with her new awareness.

    Well done indeed.

  17. Many writers rarely use the second person POV, many for reasons best known to them, many because they are good at it, and many because it’s their style… you have used it well, at first it seems like a taunt at the reader to think he is being told something by the writer, something that draws the reader to the mind of the writer and pay more attention to what might happen to him…. great style, nice theme and plot well developed. Keep it up.

    check at what @wendeekay has said.

    1. @elovepoetry, thanks a lot! I’m glad u liked it.

  18. @Olan beautiful story, read it while tired from work and was thinking what is this all about, but it flowed so beautifully and by the end it was just great. Love really is a choice

    1. @dkny111 thank you so much. I really appreciate your comment.

  19. I actually thought I had already commented on this…damn smartphone! It’s very neat, very precise in its use of words. I like that every single word is relevant to the overall effect. It was lovely. Thank you so much for sharing

  20. i like the fact that you always capture the emotions of your characters well, it brings them alive. this was no less than what your fans have come to expect from you…keep it up.
    i agree with you, love indeed is a choice

  21. adams (@coshincozor)

    this is a very good one! only that I can’t imagine the picture of “tables covered with food and drinks”.

  22. Very good story. Completely agree with the message as well. My love is only ever given (by choice) to someone that deserves it and earns it. Not random at all for me, o; if she like make she hot pass fire sef!

    My only (tiny) gripe is that in two paragraphs (3 and 6) you switch from present tense to past. Oh, and the breathe/breath thing, but I think someone’s already mentioned that. Otherwise, it’s beautifully written and almost poetic prose.

  23. @olan, This was a lovely read.

  24. Hmmm ,learnt a new word today” abnegate”

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