Endless sea

Endless sea

My love for you is like an endless sea,
Flowing in purity,
Like Orumolu in Jesa.

A sense of new life, the one in the early morning dew, I feel inside me.

In this spacious love garden my heart craves.

Your face glitter around me like the shining diamond,

Taking from the deepest sea.

Your body captures my sense of reasoning and make it more sensible.

Just like the thirsty dog finding water to quench its waterless dam,

my love for you will fly across the cosmos untill we find ourselve.

Like the garden of eden we shall learn to live in this world.

Somnambulation will claim every beast walking at your back.

We shall live in the world were the birds hum our melody.

Were friendly watershed flows and touch our bare legs.

Were our bodies lock between our souls and find solace.



5 thoughts on “Endless sea” by Bola (@basittjamiu)

  1. I appreciate how you captured the use of simile. Well done.

  2. @basittjamiu, a few lines worked for me, like “My love for you is like an endless sea, Flowing in purity”, and “my love for you will fly across the cosmos untill we find ourselve[s]”. This captures the boundlessness of the MC’s love.

    But I think that you need to work on some of the other lines: for example, “Your body captures my sense of reasoning and make it more sensible”. I don’t see how something physical like a body would help the MC reason better; it would be more likely that something abstract, like his lover’s personality or her intelligence, would do this. Even with that, the line doesn’t really feel poetic to me.

    Also in the last couple of lines: “were” > “where”.

    Keep on reading and writing.

    1. Bola (@basittjamiu)

      Thanks boss.

  3. well-done @basittjamiu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

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