The Walls Between

The Walls Between

The Walls Between

I.

That evening, on the eve of Christmas, Rachel sat facing the television, looking, but not seeing. Her thoughts were miles away and her heart was laden with grief.

Feeling light-headed, she placed the back of her right hand on her forehead. She needed to rest. Reclining; she rested her head on the cushion and let out a deep sigh. Then she let the tears hanging at the corners of her eyes to course down her cheeks.

A hand rapped on the door, startling her back to reality. She strained her ears to be sure. The knock sounded again, this time, louder. She quickly wiped her face with the back of her hand.

“Who is it?” she called.

“Na me!”

“You?” Now she was irritated. “Who?” she quizzed again.

“Johnpaul!”

Rachel sighed. Trudging towards the door, she could hear the faraway sounds of firecrackers.

“Hapi Christmas, Anti Rachel.” Johnpaul’s lips stretched into a smile. “I wan–”

“What is it?” Rachel snapped at him.

The little boy was taken aback. “Em… I just wan come wish you hapi–”

“Thank you,” Rachel said curtly, making to close her door.

“Em… Anti Rachel.”

“What?”

Johnpaul stretched out his right hand. “Any’ tin for the boys?”

“No!” Rachel slammed the door shut.

II.

Mama’s slippers made slap-slap sounds on the concrete floor as she made her way to the sitting room. She stopped in her tracks, her eyes burning with anger. Her stony gaze was fixed on a man with a ball of eba clutched in his right palm.

“Ifeanyi!”

“Huh? Ah, mama!” The man seemed startled.

“Why aren’t you eating your food?”

“I have lost my appetite,” he said, shoving the bowl of onugbu soup aside.

“Is it because of that girl?” Mama’s tone was accusing.

“Mama, please…”

“Shut up!” she said, taking a seat opposite him.

“Don’t please me. Now tell me. Why do you let that girl bother you?”

“But mama, I love her.”

“Tah! Me shio nu.” Mama frowned and pulled her chair closer to him. “Come, let me tell you. I have my sight set on Nwakaego’s daughter, Olamma. Can you imagine that the oporoko in this soup was given to me by Olamma? And do you know the best part? The good girl didn’t even collect a dime from me at all. Now tell me, is that one not super love?”

Ifeanyi shook his head and looked away.

Getting no reply, Mama continued, “I had always known you weren’t meant for each other. Isn’t it because of your American dollars that she wants to force herself on you, eh?”

Ifeanyi stared at his mother in shock.

“Don’t look at me like that! Come to think of it, what did you even see in her? Look at her chest sef. No breast, as flat as my slippers. What will you enjoy? What will my grand-children enjoy?”

III.

So doctor, what is it?” Ifeanyi asked, while placing his hand over Rachel’s.

The doctor took off his gold-rimmed spectacles and ruffled his hair

“Well, going by the results, I am sorry to say…” He paused to glance at the couple. “You are not compatible. AS plus AS will spell doom.”

“Doctor, what…” Ifeanyi could feel Rachel’s hand slip away from under his.

 

IV.

Ifeanyi studied the man as they spoke. Loud boasts. Silly gestures. Senseless talks. He shook his head and gulped down his glass of beer.

“O’ boi, cool down na,” his friend, Tobi said. “Dis na your fourth bottle. Shey you wan kpeme?”

“My man, you wouldn’t understand.” Ifeanyi belched.

“Undastand wetin? Shey na bicos of small kasala you wan kill ya’self?”

Ifeanyi ignored him and signalled to a waiter for two more bottles of Star Lager.

“You really want to know the cause of my troubles?” he asked Tobi.

“Yes.” Tobi’s cheeks bulged as he rinsed his mouth with his beer and swallowed. “Yes, yes I wan know.”

“OK. What would you do if you can’t marry the woman of your dreams?”

“Simple! Marry the woman of reality,” Tobi chortled.

“You’re just impossible.” Ifeanyi hissed. Cocking his head toward the approaching waiter, he signalled for two extra bottles.

 

V.

Rachel was poised to spank Johnpaul as she yanked the door open. Her hand hung in mid-air as her eyes came level with that of a man.

Her face grew pale.

“May I come in?”

She hesitated, and then made way for him. The man walked into the room with his head hung and shoulders drooped. There was a familiarity about the room that weighed him down.

“Aren’t you going to offer me a seat?”

“What do you want, Ifeanyi?” Rachel scowled at him. “Speak now! I ain’t got all day.”

“Please Rachel. You are being too hard on me.”

“Oh, really?” she said, hands akimbo.

“Yes, you are. And you know I am also on the receiving end.”

“Well, why don’t you leave?”

“Be reasonable, will you.” Ifeanyi bit his lower in regret. He knew he shouldn’t have said those words.

“So I am being unreasonable?”

“Rachel, plea–”

“Get out.” She pointed to the door. “Out!”

Ifeanyi lost his cool.

“Now you listen, you don’t talk to me in that manner, you hear?”

“Or else what?”

Ifeanyi sighed and unclenched his fist. He loved this girl.

“Let’s talk things out,” he said in a calm voice. “Please.”

Rachel hugged herself. The light of reason was beginning to dawn on her.

“OK.” She shrugged and sat.

Ifeanyi took a seat beside her and clasped her hands with his, then in a calm voice, he said, “I’m sorry, Rachel. I haven’t been myself lately. See, I love you…” He paused for effect. “But I don’t think we can still be…” His words trailed off as she stared into his face.

“What?” he asked.

“Have you been drinking lately?”

“Yeah, I – See. Let’s forget about that. What I am saying is that we can still be together – as friends. You get me?”

Her expression was blank.

“Do you?”

“I guess I do,” she said, “at least I knew your mum never liked me.”

“See; let’s not drag my mother into this.”

“Why not?” Rachel asked. “Even the part that I helped you go abroad doesn’t seem to please her.”

“Please forget my mother. Moreover, must you always remind me of the role you played?”

“Why mustn’t I? I–”

“Now that’s my problem.” Ifeanyi stood up. “Always ‘I’, ‘I’, ‘I’. You’re just too self-centered.”

“Oh, yeah? Who cares?” Rachel rose to her feet.

“Shut up! Shut up! By God, shut the fuck up!” Ifeanyi’s eyes blazed with fury. “Come to think of it, it’s not my damn fault that we can’t get married, is it!”

Rachel staggered back. Tears stifled the words in her mouth. It drained her of her energy, and she flopped onto the settee. With her head in her hands, she sobbed.

Ifeanyi felt the anger in him fizzle out as quickly as it had come. Moving close to Rachel, he fell to his knees.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he said, ‘I didn’t man it. I–”

“Go.” She raised a hand to silence him. “Just go.”

With a sigh, Ifeanyi dragged himself up to his feet and slunk out of the room.

As the door closed, Rachel grabbed her phone and hurled it at the wall.

“Damn!” She clutched her head. She wondered what Ifeanyi would do if he found out she had his seed in her womb.

A loud knock on the door yanked her out of her misery.

“Yes? Who is it!”

“Anti Rachel, na me Johnpaul!”

Rachel sprang up with purpose from the settee. This time around, she thought, the little rascal was in for it.

THE END



29 thoughts on “The Walls Between” by Uzoma Ihejirika (@literarymouthpiece)

  1. I like it…maybe cos the story strikes a personal chord. It’s a neat work too.
    Well done LMP. Keep writing. $ß.

    1. Uzoma Ihejirika (@literarymouthpiece)

      @sibbylwhyte, Thanks for reading. Glad it touched you.

  2. Wow! Got me hooked till the end. That boy is in for something oh…

    1. Uzoma Ihejirika (@literarymouthpiece)

      @francis, Thanks for reading.

  3. Nice. Lol. The end was funny. One teeny error though:

    “Ifeanyi studied the ‘man’ as they spoke”… Man should be men.

    Keep writing.

    1. Uzoma Ihejirika (@literarymouthpiece)

      @Olan, Thanks for reading.

  4. Sunshine (@nicolebassey)

    Lovely end, poor John Paul.

    1. Uzoma Ihejirika (@literarymouthpiece)

      @nicolebassey, Thanks for reading, Sunshine.

  5. Well written, straightforward story, @literarymouthpiece. Truly, there can be many kinds of walls in a relationship.

    I would have converted section III into a thought in the minds of one of the characters; it seemed chronologically out of place.

    I felt the alternating moods in the last section made it a bit too melodramatic. But I liked the interesting spin regarding Rachel’s condition. It would be interesting to explore what Ifeanyi’s reaction would be, and how they would see this through together.

    Well done.

    1. Uzoma Ihejirika (@literarymouthpiece)

      @TolaO, Thanks for your advice. Will strive to improve.

  6. A lovely story, I agree with @TolaO on the section III, it dammed the flow.
    Nice ending…
    One or two typos…
    Well done

    1. Uzoma Ihejirika (@literarymouthpiece)

      @topazo, Thanks for reading.

  7. You are a good writer.

    Look at these:
    1. I liked the quip about marrying the woman of reality. Hahaha.

    2. Good story. Would have been good to explore it deeper and resolve it. What kind of love can be had/settled for in this kind of situation? What did Ifeanyi really mean by wanting to remain friends, so soon after bad news? Were they still in love? Etc.

    3. Character motives were not fully developed; why was Rachel taking it out on Ifeanyi?

    4. On dialogue tags. Already the occasion AND the words in the quarrel scene between Rachel and Ifeanyi called for a kind of tone; you didn’t need to state again what was said “in a calm voice” and what wasn’t. Get?

    5. The part about having his “seed in her”, stated with that phrase robbed the event of some seriousness, made it look clinical and literary. Diction should be chosen with care around sexuality. It’s best to just say “pregnant” or use some other creative way of implying it (e.g. She wondered what Ifeanyi would do if he had glanced at the coffee table and seen the result of the pregnancy test resting on it.) Get?

    Overall, I enjoyed the story and am looking forward to read more of you.

    1. Uzoma Ihejirika (@literarymouthpiece)

      @kayceenj, Thanks for your input. I have seen my mistakes. Will strive to improve.

  8. intriguing at the best

    1. Uzoma Ihejirika (@literarymouthpiece)

      @elovepoetry, Thanks for reading.

  9. Pls dnt tel me dis is d end o. Nice story

    1. Uzoma Ihejirika (@literarymouthpiece)

      @koollove, E don end o. Thanks for reading.

  10. “Then she let the tears hanging at the corners of her eyes to course down her cheeks.”

    I don’t that ‘to’ in there is necessary.

    Sweet sad story. Abeg, allow her kick Johnpaul’s tush. He needs it.

    Well done.

    1. Uzoma Ihejirika (@literarymouthpiece)

      @Seun-Odukoya, Ese… Thanks for reading.

  11. lol!

    This is one cocktail of a tale. – By that I meant the way you mixed sad circumstances with hilarious ones.
    Your ending was just melodramatic…first it was about the situation of genotype coupled with the revelation of a pregnancy and finally ended with Johnpaul showing up again.

    I also liked this lines from the bar convo:

    “What would you do if you can’t marry the woman of your dreams?”
    “Simple! Marry the woman of reality,” Tobi chortled.

    As for grammar, typos, tenses and punctuation, I guess others have mentioned that.

    Still I like the simplicity and the flow plus the humour.

    1. Uzoma Ihejirika (@literarymouthpiece)

      @Afronuts, Thanks for reading, sir. Much appreciated.

  12. “Even the part that I helped you go abroad doesn’t seem to please her”

    Rework this line, better yet make it active sentence.

    Your plot is intriguing and the development was brilliant. Well done.

  13. Awww… see how a sad story made me smile… and I feel so sorry for john Paul cos she’s gonna take it out on him… and she’s hormonal atm… that’s why she’s taking it out on Ifeanyi. poor circumstance that could have easily been prevented at the beginning of the rel.

  14. this is beautiful

  15. Uzoma Ihejirika (@literarymouthpiece)

    @olutossen and @innoalifa, Thanks for reading, guys.

  16. @literarymouthpiece

    The title soothed the story well, and your work is neat, making the story an easy read.
    I like the sectioning of the scenes, the dialogues and the story itself.

    Now my observation. In section V, I assumed you used Rachel as a character viewpoint. If that is so, then she shouldn’t have seen her face turning pale, and she couldn’t have entered Ifeanyi’s mind to know that he felt the anger fizzle out of his mind.

    A character viewpoint works like a camera played on the character. He only knows what he sees and thinks. He can’t see his own face unless thru a mirror, but he can feel and think. But on the other hand, he can’t tell another character’s thoughts except thru a guess, which will be made apparent, but your viewpoint character can see the other face. *i hope it isn’t confusing.

    The above paragraph isn’t valid except you wrote section V in an omniscient pov which I doubt.

    Keep writing ma.

    *KG*

  17. Uzoma Ihejirika (@literarymouthpiece)

    @kodeya, Thanks for taking the time to comment on my post. I really appreciate. By the way, it’s a “Sir,” not “Ma”. Thanks sha.

    1. So a guy can bear ‘Uzoma’…. Oops, hits my yoruba heas

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