Mommy and Daddy are fighting again. They would never say it but I know it is about me. I am seven years old but I can’t sit, can’t talk and can’t walk. All I do is eat, poo and cry. Not a pretty sight, I know. Most of mothers friends have all left her, the few she still has don’t come home. One day Aunt Joy came but once she saw me she left, leaving her key-ring behind in a her haste. That was about four months ago. Another thing I do is watch a lot of television, sometimes I see children like me in foreign countries. They have doctors, nurses, teachers and parents that love them. I wish i could be like them. At least l have Bisi and my toys .
Bisi is my nanny, my twelfth if I remember correctly. She is palm kernel brown, with a wide smile, and she smells fresh and fruity, like shampoo . I like her ,but i am scared I will lose her, like I lost the others. She doesn’t call me ugly names like Mary and Tolu used to. She doesn’t twist my ears or spank me just to hear how hard I can cry when Mom or Dad upset her. She even has a pet name for me– D-girl. Sometimes she straps me in my customised wheel chair and races me round the palour. She sings to me too, happy songs about talking me round the world and me being her baby. The other day she was trying to teach me how to talk.
” Dami say A”
I got angry then and felt like hitting something. How can she say that was beautiful? But I smiled instead.
The voices are getting louder. If I hold my breath and strain my ears I can make out some of the words my parents are saying
“Sweetie, you can’t give up on life because our first child has challenges. Let’s try again, it will be different this time, I know it”
” Dayo, there will be no trying again, if you want more kids we have to adopt them, I won’t take such a risk again. Ever!”
“Adopt? How can you even say such a thing, what is they have a curse from their homes or a disease”
“Disease? Is there anything worse than … worse than…”
A low wailing sound came followed by loud sobs. Mummy was crying.
“Oh baby, please don’t please please…”
The sounds faded out but I knew what they would be doing.
Mum would be on Dads laps and he would be holding her and kissing her like he does after such fights.
Like he never holds or kisses me.
I don’t mind much though, so why am I crying?
Bisi has left. Her parents are scared she will pick up an infection from me that ll make her have a snake child. Mom tried to tell them that cerebral palsy is not contagious but they wouldn’t listen. She didn’t even hug me before she left. She just walked out of the door with her head down. I think that is when I died. Mom spends more time with me now, but it is mechanical and hurried. She took casual leave from her job at the Federal mortgage bank. Dad and her are looking for another nanny. I wish I could tell them not to bother, I won’t be here that long.
I have tried to end my life many times. Mostly when my nannies taunt me calling me names like Devil Child, Worm and Snake child. I have been unsuccessful-obviously. Bisi made me stop for a while but now I have to do something that works. Holding my breath was a waste of time, as was licking rat poison. The latter just got me blue, the former gave me a running stomach and headaches, nothing the doctors couldn’t fix.
Now I know what to do.
The crime channel gave me a hint but I added my own ideas.
I will slit my wrists. I already have the old razor Dad tossed in a corner after nicking himself one day. All I have to do is take it to bed at night and when everyone is asleep, use it. I would have done so last week but I dreamt that Bisi found out and scolded me. Now I dream about snakes, worms and other creatures chasing me. And I scream but there are no sounds.
Inside I feel excited, this time it is going to work. Mom and Dad will stop fighting. Maybe Mom will even agree to have another child. A gorgoeus baby boy called Dare that will grow up to be a movie star, a pilot or a governor. Anything but a useless, smelly,stupid snake child like me.
When I die I won’t have anymore nightmares. I will give them to people instead. I will find Tolu and Mary and Aunt Joy first. Then I will wait till Dare is eighteen then I will come home and take Mom and Dad with me. At last we will be one happy family, and my parents will love me forever.
ALL Coments are welcome. Please tell me any reservations you have. I need honest critoque here, thank you.