“…Hey Badoo! She carry front … she carry back… I no go leave her” belched the loud speakers, at the famous Twente night club. The lyrics been amplified by the loud speakers had become a sought of national anthem, as a frenzied atmosphere gripped the entire dance floor. The more than two dozens heads on the small marbled and shiny floor seem to be in a state of delirium. They turned, twisted, hopped while some jumped as they struggled to out dance each other. A first time visitor would have thought they were registered for a dancing competition. However for a regular visitor to the night club located at a dingy part of downtown district, apart from the grandeur which made the building housing the night club to sharply contrast with its surroundings. The night gigs and dance sessions were regular activities. This made Twente night club a very popular hangout at this drab neighborhood.
As the young pleasure seekers danced on, one person stood out. A fair skinned and well endowed girl of not more than eighteen years of age. She wore a jerry curl hair style. This made her cherubic face obvious. She had slanted eyes complimented by an aquiline nose. She was further made conspicuous by the white silky and “see through” gown she wore. The gown stuck to her body like glue exposing her curves. Most that saw her that night always looked at her for a second time. The young boys around her at the club could only look and drool after her. They dare not talk to her or try an approach her after all because this was Suzee! One of the “high class club girls” around. She would not brook any nonsense from the “local boys” hanging around the club. As far as she was concerned, they were too local for her and could not afford her “service fee”. She often told her friends and other club girls around that most of the boys hanging around the night club were loafers and scoundrels.
Meanwhile, while she and others danced, someone’s eyes were fixed on her watching her. A young man in is late twenties sat calmly smoking and sipping his beer. As he puffed his cigarette, his eyes continued to bore at Suzee. As it became apparent that Suzee as had enough of her dance, she walked away from the dance floor towards the bar man. The young man seated beckoned to her. She looked at him sizing him up. He appeared responsible as he was dressed decently. Besides she felt he was not one of the boys around as she had not seen him at the night club before. She walked seductively towards him as he told her to have a seat.
“What do you want to buy”… he asked in a deep voice
“Cigarettes” she said sharply as she continued to size him up.
He called the bar man to give her whatever she wanted. They soon warmed up to each other as they talked. When he was about to leave he gave her some wads of currency notes without asking for anything in return from her. She was taken aback. This cycle repeated itself for about a week, until he finally asked her to come over to his house for the night. As a rule, most of the club girls do not follow their clients’ home. But at this point it seems Suzee was carried away by the young man’s charm and generosity.
• * * *
Suzee was in pains, and screaming helplessly no one could hear her even if they could, her screams were now in whimpers as she was practically exhausted. Dele, her generous man friend had her legs and hands tied separately to the bed. He and his dog had ravished her repeatedly all through the night. She had not realized that Dele was a junkie who was deported from America, until he demanded that she had sex with his Alsatian. When she refused he had her tied up with cuffs on the bed and watched and laughed as the dog ravished her repeatedly. All of a sudden, as if prompted by some eerie voice, he jumped up and brought out a sharp knife from his closet. His face had changed while Suzee looked on in horror, to scared to shout or move. He stabbed her repeatedly as she struggled in vain. The whole bed spread turned red as she became silent and still.
The End

8 thoughts on “Suzee” by babsiwalewa (@babsiwalewa)

  1. You gave those prostitues a treat pf their life…. This story should somehow scare them…

  2. Hmm.

    The story is scary. The fear element is clear – and it would leave most readers with an icy hand clutching their hearts. However, it feels more like a report – you do a lot of ‘telling’ as opposed to ‘showing’.

    I think it can still be more graphic. More intense. More gripping.

    Good job. Keep writing.

  3. Seun typed my mind. It’s an interesting story. Take a look at it and see how you could add a touch-up and it would be better for it.
    Well done. $ß.

  4. it is really scary

  5. nice story but it could be written better and there were quite a few typos…
    well done

  6. @babsiwalewa, the idea behind the story is a good one, but you transitioned too quickly from the bar scene to the bedroom scene, and this you lost the opportunity to add suspense to make the story scarier.

    Also, there are many typos, like “The lyrics been amplified by the loud speakers had become a sought of national anthem” should be “The lyrics being amplified by the loudspeakers had become a sort of national anthem”

  7. Prostitutn doesn’t pay, bt y d hasty end?

  8. fucking maniac

Leave a Reply