Fasting Palava

Fasting Palava

Where I come from, na tori we dey take sleep and na tori, we dey take wake. As Africans, na our trademark be that. Tori, tori and more tori, we just like tori. Tori sef know say person like am. You wey dey read so, na because say you like tori, na im make you dey shook your eyes for wetin nor concern you. Na lie? You know say na true, that is why you wan continue to dey read so. You see, e dey our blood. But no be everybody fit talk tori well well. But one person wey fit talk tori sote you go dey cry sef,na my papa.

The man suppose go do stand up comedy, but the architect work wey he dey do no give am that yard. When my papa wake up for morning, before he brush teeth, he go first shout for the house make people come see wetin him eyes see for dream. Sometimes, I dey wonder whether na dream true true, or he just dey fabricate am. And before we sleep, he go take him time tell us step by step how he spend his day.

When I grow na im I begin know say my papa just dey do all this things make we get peace for our house.My mama na one kind person wey like to laugh, so my papa nor dey take chance at all. He dey do wetin e fit do to make sure say my mama dey happy at all times, even on those days when things nor go well. That is why dem don dey together for almost 39 years now. No be say dem no dey quarrel o,but those funny tori wey papa dey talk for outside, get much impact for inside bedroom.

And most of my papa tori whether na dream or na real life, na on food and dem funny no be small.
Like the story wey he tell us one evening after dem pay am him salary for work. Everybody for house just dey roll for ground including my mama wey dey vex before. Me, I laugh sote, my belle begin dey pinch me.
Him oga for office declare one-day fast for all him workers, as some of their clients no gree pay the money wey dem owe the company.

All of them don dey fast dey go no body complain. Na so Mr. Paul one of my papa colleague stroll enter their Oga office around 2.00pm say he get something very important to tell am. Mr. Paul like food no be small. Plus that, him wife just travel so the man no eat the night before because he reach house late. So he don brave am say once he reach office the following day, he go enter mama Louis canteen for junction. He forget say Oga wey be deacon for Redeem church don pass memo say fasting go dey that day.

All his eyes don red, dey nearly bring out fire.

“Good afternoon sir!”

“Mr. Paul good afternoon, please sit”.

“Thank you sir.” Mr. Paul don quickly answer, all his leg don dey shake for ground.

‘Oga dey are calling my name, I can hear my name. Sir, they are calling me”

Oga no understand wetin him dey talk.

“Mr Paul, what do you mean ‘they are calling my name?’ Who has such effrontery to call your name in my office? It is not possible, I am the only person with you in this room and I cannot hear your name”. As Oga dey talk, he dey adjust the glass wey dey for him eyes.

“Sir, you will not understand, I can hear my name loud and clear.” By this time he just relax for the chair like person wey wan die.

I can still hear it…

Thank God say their Oga no be the religious type. This Oga get understanding well.

You see, when it comes to fasting na two things dey involve.

First be say, you must fast according to how Holy Spirit move you. And if you wan break your fast, you must pray so that your fasting no go be like hunger strike. Secondly ehn, you must know say fasting nor dey change God. The reason wey people dey fast na so dem go fit control the body so that person go either fit focus, or hear God well, well. No go think say your fasting go change God o, na you suppose change after fasting.

Another thing be say if you wan break your fast especially after a very long one, no just rush eat strong food like Eba or Amala ooo. Your tori go be like Baba Isaiah own.

Baba Isaiah just finish Forty-days fasting. Instead make he break with water or fruit make his system fit work fine again, Baba Isaiah rush balance with hot Amala! That type wey D’banj take sing- Amala fele-fele to jina gangan. Amala to gbono, ni tori Olorun! Why will he do such a thing, na so the English comot for my mouth the first time wey I hear am.

As he take one swallow, take the other one, na so the two hook for road. Na for him chest the two Russia swallow go hot put, dem no gree reach him belle. Both ice water o, both cold coke wey he take dey try to step am down, everything jam for road. Na so Baba Isaiah take die, just like that. All because of hot Amala wey he never eat for the past forty days- Hot Amala!

My people, bible talk with English say, wisdom is profitable to direct. And na that wisdom My Papa Oga apply for Mr. Paul before dem go carry dead body comot from him office.

He just quickly call secretary make he go buy food come. When secretary go outside go buy the food, everybody dey look time because six never reach. Dem dey wonder whether na Oga wan break him fast before time, which type of Oga be this.Na when the thing don happen naim everybody come here the full jist.

When the secretary put the jollof rice wey she buy from Tantalizers for Mr. Paul front, he nor waste time. He sit up one time use race take finish everything at once.

When Oga ask am whether he still dey hear him name, the answer wey he give shock everybody-

I cannot hear my name again, but I will need one more meat.



33 thoughts on “Fasting Palava” by sambright (@sambrightomo)

  1. hahahaha laugh wan kill me oh….

    this one funny well well

    1. sambright (@sambrightomo)

      Thank you so much dear @schatzilein.

  2. @sambrightomo

    Humorous story. I like the flow.

    I did observe however, that there were inconsistencies with the language. What I mean is – it was obviously pidgin written by a well-speaking learned person. Case in point:

    “or he just dey fabricate am”

    I would think he would have rather said ‘or e just dey form am’. Or something like that.

    “wisdom is profitable to direct”

    ‘wisdom sabi show road’ or something similar.

    And since it is reported speech – in other words, the main character is NOT the one telling the story, I don’t think Mr. Paul’s speech should have been that glamorized.

    “Who has such effrontery to call your name in my office?”

    ‘Effrontery’ loun loun!

    Hehehehehehehehe. You did good, Samo.

    Good job.

    What can you NOT write?

    1. sambright (@sambrightomo)

      My Oga @Seun-Odukoya God bless you for taking your time to outline these observations.I appreciate.I actually thought of taking another look at the work before it is published,but my schedule was too tight.Otherwise, I would have worked on those English expressions and concepts as u av rightly highlighted.Thank u so much.

  3. Hahahahaha…. Eyaf finish me wit laff☺

    1. sambright (@sambrightomo)

      I beg o, no let laff finish u ooo.Thank you for reading.

  4. This is Achebeism….. the true Naija stor

    1. sambright (@sambrightomo)

      @Fadehan what is achebeism ooo?

  5. Hahaha…. one more meat?

    1. sambright (@sambrightomo)

      No mind am,he see food eat,e dey find meat.

  6. Sambrightomo my belle!

    1. sambright (@sambrightomo)

      @francis easy ooo.Make ur belle nor fall troway for ground oo.

  7. mendel martha (@ihenyengladysusile)

    nice one jooo sammy

    1. sambright (@sambrightomo)

      Thank you for reading

  8. Na who go blame am? Everybodi don turn oliver twist na.
    I bin dey wonder about de english wey boku for dis tori, but you go sort am na. Welledone…$ß.

    1. sambright (@sambrightomo)

      bubbling bubble thanks for reading jare.Nor mind me with d English jwor.But thanks for even stopping to comment,I appreciate @sibbylwhyte shalom

  9. Acehbeism can the defined as the freedom to write anything, especially using what is called the nigerian english…… For example “their eyes made four.” I hope yu can translate that quote to ur own language and i think its better than “their eyes locked’…. Get it? That is Achebeism

  10. sambright (@sambrightomo)

    thank you @Fadehan, but this is not Nigerian English na,it is pidgin. Going by your definition of Achebeism, I don’t think this work fall within that range.Chinua Achebe’s Things Fall Apart qualifies to be classified under the Nigerian English mode.The truth is Nigerian English isnt the wrong usage of English as many have erroneously expressed.Nigerian English is a variety of world English just as we have American Eng., Canadian Eng…God bless

    1. sambright (@sambrightomo)

      You can do your research and correct me if I am wrong.We are all here to learn and I like your reference to Achebeism.I will like to to more bro.God bless you.

      1. For the records: Nigerian English is that English that has been domesticated and nativised to express the Nigerian worldview, experience and culture. Pidgin is just a variety which can grow to become creole. Nigerian English is not pidgin English, neither is it the erroneous use of English. We have the ebonics in American English which is a variety of the language. Anybody with an idea about this subject can correct me if I am wrong. *Open to correction*

  11. @sambrightomo, this is absolutely hilarious. I like the use of pidgin, it helps the ‘tori’ flow. Welldone.

    1. sambright (@sambrightomo)

      thank u @olajumoke God bless you.

  12. is pidgin an american english or british? isn’t it an african thing, a nigeria thing….. I wish you know ur writing instruments more…….. In the literary world Achebeism is anything that sounds Nigerian or African…. Take it now that our literary father is dead…. Cheers

    1. THANK YOU SIR, I DONT KNOW MY WRITING INSTRUMENTS @fadehan!

  13. Hahahaha, ryt nw me dy hear my name o

    1. sambright (@sambrightomo)

      i beg ooo no hear your name ooo.E fit be say na demons dey call you ooo…lol

  14. Nice effort my guy but Seun’s correction is on point

    1. sambright (@sambrightomo)

      Thanks bro @isaac82 I have taking note of it.God bless sir.

  15. @sambright…i don laff scatter 4 here. well done dear. I like this.

    1. Thank you @queenzayta
      . Me sef dey laugh..

  16. I like the tori wella.
    Kudos!

    1. thanks @weirdpile. God bless man.

  17. @sambrightom, your expertise in using pidgin amazes me……….keep on man……………..

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