The boy who couldn’t LOVE

I don’t write love stories nor do I read them. This is an exception. Maybe because I know the story and main character very well and was able to toil with his life of the past, present, and a proposed future that I don’t pray for him… I simply call this – A story of my heart”

***
In a town not far away from where I live, once lived a boy. He was a young and brilliant artist. When he was younger, he would always run away from school with his pencil and paper to the streets. His teachers would search for him, his parents too would join in the search, he was usually found at the edge of the town near the sacred forest, with his shorts soiled with dirt as he sat on the ground drawing the beautiful landscape in his books.

His father would always take him home and flog him badly, but that wouldn’t change him. Upon the advice of his teachers, the boy was bought a pen by his father with the hope he wouldn’t be able to draw with it, but that even helped the boy and in the first day, he destroyed the pen and used the ink to paint of his drawings. It ruined it, but the boy was never less happy about the new development he was seeing.

“Leave him alone, he would one day realize his stupidity and be serious about his education,” his teachers advised his parents.

To everyone amazement, the boy grew up in to a young man fast and he never dropped art. He combined it well with his education, and he became a modern renaissance man. The young man had a problem thought: he couldn’t love…

“I don’t see any lady I love,” he would always say.
His parent became worried. They wanted the young man to marry early, and they would tell him

“Whenever you see anyone you love, tell us, we would fix the rest for you.”
The young man was confused. “What does love mean? How does one know he is in love?” he would constantly ask himself.
His younger sister would say:

“Brother, you have to move out of your cage; you have to live on less personal principles; you have to learn to trust someone.”

The young man would look at himself and ask

“Is there anything I have to change in me? Nothing at all. After all, my clique members too don’t have girlfriend.”
Sometimes his younger sister would mock him that he isn’t brave enough to ask a lady out. The young man knew that wasn’t the case.

Then one day, the young man drew a beautiful painting. Everyone who saw the painting was amazed. They said it was simply a modern day “Monalisa”. The young man became proud and he wrote an inscription at the top of the painting:

Inspired from a true vision of a lady I saw. She is a kind of lady you would see, and give up hopes even before you try… in this moment was when I got the inspiration

His friend would laugh at the possibility of the young man having a crush. But the young man really had the crush, he wouldn’t just approach her because he felt she was too flashy, and he would never win her over…

***
There was this lady in the same school with the young man. In time, she became entangled with the young man and he fell in LOVE with her. He couldn’t try to tell her because he knew the lady was already seeing a guy.

Naturally, the young man hated the guy, but in time, the guy proved to be a personality to be hated. He loathed the young man, and he would paint the hatred on his face whenever he saw the young man on the street, he would refuse to even greet him. So obeying all the laws of nature, the hatred for the guy increased.

The young man kept mute, hoping that from his dreams would arise a princess that would sweep him off his feet, and make his heart feel like he was taking a slide down a rainbow. Nothing happened for a long time. The young man diverted his attention unto his paintings; he would paint the sun as it set and rose; the birds as they flew in the skies; the chicken as it went about looking for food; magnificent building… people would say:

“You are not meant for sciences, you ought to be in art”

The young man would smile whenever they said it. He knew they appreciated his talent. He too appreciated himself.
One day the lady who was in his school, whom he loved called him and told him that she had broken up with her boyfriend. The young man was happy, but he wouldn’t show it. He knew the coast was clear for his ship to sail, but wanted to wait for a little while so the sea would be calm.

He waited and waited, but no time seemed right enough to tell her his mind. He had moved so close to her and became her friend till the point he was afraid that if he asked her out and she refused, he would jeopardise their wonderful friendship…

This fear engulfed this young man so much that it affected his paintings. He painted less, and spent most of his spare time dreaming about her. But dreams are not reality if you don’t place them in the 3D world…

The lady called the young man one day and told him she had accepted proposal from a new guy. The young man needn’t to hear twice before the turned into a river Nile, with tears overflowing the banks of eyelids…

The lady knew he was in love with him. But it was too late. She turned to him and said

“I knew you liked me, but you never loved me. Love is an attribute of the strong: when you like someone, you tell the person instantly before it is too late. That is how love is made”

The young man filled with tears ran non stopping, far away towards the edge of the village, sitting on the ground and drawing the beautiful landscapes once more, forgetting everything in the process…

Kay Greins™… © 2013



48 thoughts on “The boy who couldn’t LOVE” by Kay Ade Greins (@kodeya)

  1. You did not tell us the name of anyone in the story.No description no setting,no conflict.No plot.

    1. @khadijahmuhammad

      @febidel has answered the accusations. Meanwhile, the ideal of writing a flash fiction came from one of Anton Cheknov short stories….. Thanks for reading

  2. @kodeya, what’s “Grein”? Touching story you have there. I disagree with you, @khadijahmuhammad. We do not need to know the names. There is a setting, conflict and plot. I would only fault the grammatical construction in some places.

    1. @febidel

      Hmm, thanks for reading. And you said “what is Greins”, well its a theme name, and it has a story attached to it sha. Pls I would like you to point out some of the grammatical errors, so that I won’t make them again. Thanks Ma

      1. So, what is “Greins”, sir?

        1. @febidel
          Greins is a so complex has it has evolved over time, but the ideal behind it is that: Green is my favourite colour, but I changed the spelling a bit to Greins so as to suit my definitions. Greins generally means doing something right…. ” Am an agent of Greins”…….

          Ps: I would like you to be my friend on Facebook so that you can I can tag you in my last “Grein story” (my yearly birthday note), by the time you read part 1 n 2, you will fully understand me……. Thanks so much Ma

          1. @febidel
            Just search for (Kay Greins) or (green.kayode@gmail.com)

            1. Okay. Noted “sir”.

  3. Sounds like two stories in one, with the same character. Is it real?

    1. @wendeekay

      Hmm, two stories…. I see
      Thanks for reading n commenting

  4. @kodeya, since you asked:
    Punctuation – In the first paragraph, where you have “run away from school with his pen and paper to the streets” a comma should separate “with his pen and paper” or “to the streets”, depending on what you want to emphasize.
    Passive voice – “the boy was bought a pen by his father” would have been more mellifluous and concrete if it read “the boy’s father bought a pen for him…” Personally, I am learning to minimize my use of passive voice.
    Typo – “the young man had a problem thought” should be “the young man had a problem though”.
    Numbers – “my clique members too do not have girlfriend” should be “my clique members too do not have girlfriends”.

    It is easier for us to see other people’s mistakes than for us to see ours. I guess that’s why I was able to spot these and others. Just pore over your work after writing and pay attention to the details, to spot any possible errors. For the ones you do not spot, why on earth do writers have editors? Keep on writing.

  5. @kodeya, since you asked:
    Punctuation – In the first paragraph, where you have “run away from school with his pen and paper to the streets” a comma should separate “with his pen and paper” or “to the streets”, depending on what you want to emphasize.
    Passive voice – “the boy was bought a pen by his father” would have been more mellifluous and concrete if it read “the boy’s father bought a pen for him…” Personally, I am learning to minimize my use of passive voice.
    Typo – “the young man had a problem thought” should be “the young man had a problem though”.
    Numbers – “my clique members too do not have girlfriend” should be “my clique members too do not have girlfriends”.

    It is easier for us to see other people’s mistakes than for us to see ours. I guess that’s why I was able to spot these and others. Just pore over your work after writing and pay attention to the details, to spot any possible errors. For the ones you do not spot, why on earth do writers have editors? Keep on writing!

    1. @febidel

      Thanks so much for the corrections, couldn’t believe I made them. Thanks once more

      1. You’re welcome. Even the best of writers make mistakes.

  6. a few punctuation errors, otherwise it’s a good story

    1. @elovepoetry

      Thanks for reading and dropping a comment

  7. This is diffent from what we usually read… Nice one my man

    1. @kingobozy

      Thanks for reading and commenting man…..

  8. khadijahmuhammad (@khadijahmuhammad)

    @Kodeya I read a Anton Chekhov story.”The Lady with the little Dog”.I wanted to see what you were talking about but it is different from your story.Please can you send me the name of the story you were talking about.I really want to learn.

    1. @khadijahmuhammad

      Salam alaiekum
      I have a celebritized Anton Cheknov short story collection written by Ben Greenman. I can’t really remember the title.

      Ps: I usually give names to my characters, but this was an exception due to so many reasons. I wasn’t using so many characters, so I didn’t expect a character confusion, and also this is a Flash fiction, so I was watching out for the words not to be more than 1000 words….. Thanks Ma

  9. Is this an excerpt from a book or something because this is too sketchy and jumpy. It would have been better to give your characters names – its easier on the eye – to read without having to confuse your ‘different descriptive characters with each other.’

    I will point out a few errors (Everyone is guilty of making errors, knowingly and unknowingly) You wrote….”After all, my clique members too don’t have girlfriend.” [I believe you meant ‘girlfriends’]. There are quite a few of this singular/plural errors.

    You wrote….”in this moment was when I got the inspiration” [Re-phrase this sentence – maybe say……’I got my inspiration in this moment’ OR ‘this was the moment I got my inspiration’]

    You wrote…..”He couldn’t try to tell her because he knew the lady was already seeing a guy.” [You could have simply said…..’He could not tell her’ OR ‘He did not try to tell her’] I could tell you write the way you speak English – while that is not wrong in itself however, if your spoken English does not translate smoothly to literal and/or academic written English then watch it.

    @kodeya…this is still a good story about an eccentric. Please keep writing!

    1. @Zikora

      Thanks for the errors pointed out. And to your question, it isn’t a novel excerpt, but a flash Fiction…..

      1. Oh ok. @kodeya…..if your picture is you then blimey, you are a boy! Are you that young? a teenager maybe??

        1. @Zikora. Lol

          You got me laughing. You just remind me of my GNS lectures, there is this argument that, “are we(students) boys or Mens,” I guess I am in the latter. True be told, that’s me in the dp, and am not a teenager, though, just passed it an inch. But what does that got to do with the story? Is it childish?

          1. Wow! This @Zikora babe is a literary professor!
            Nice crittique.

            Beautiful effort @kayode
            Pay attention to the corrections and keep writing.

            1. Lol @Estee….how are you darling?!

              I could feel he is young and something drew me. I could see his problem was not his mind but the way he speaks English which he needs to really work on. So if its pointed out and corrected now then…..as they say ‘a stitch in time saves nine.

              And I might be wrong but he is a newbie too. Now I feel like I sound so motherly over him Lol.

              1. Lol. Newbie on Naija Stories is not synonymous with inexperience. But you can go ahead and mother him, @Zikora.

            2. @Estee

              Thanks so much for reading and dropping a comment. I really appreciate it Ma

          2. Oh cool. No, your story was not childish…..my curiosity stemmed from your picture, and I wanted to critique or comment on your work appropriately. Still I could tell you might be very young though.

            I feel the urge to correct some of the errors on your comment above but I wouldn’t unless you permit me.
            And mind you I liked your eccentric lover boy story.

            1. @Zikora
              Thanks Ma, I always welcome criticism, as it tells where on needs to work on….. Thanks once again

  10. wow! I love the style Kay!

    1. @francis

      Thank you sir for the comment……

  11. @zikora I need some mothering too… although I am veeery old… Lol

    1. Hahahahaha! @topazo……..its ok, it does not matter that you are ‘veeery old’. I will give a different kind of mothering #wink. Lol!

      1. @zikora I’m up for any kind of mothering….. lol

        1. Lol….@topazo, I have no idea you are a flirt!

  12. @topazo…..men never really grow old do they? #bigbabies!

    1. @zikora awwww…dts nt nice… #pouting

      1. @Zikora, @topazo, mothering and babying? I reserve my other comments.

        1. @febidel….please look the other way but make your comment. Hahhahaha!

          1. @Zikora, me, looking ke? My eyes are closed. In fact, I am typing this with my eyes tightly shut.

            1. Loool @febidel….you must have another pair of open eyes somewhere too then!

        2. @febidel wetin u find reach our private matter? Back off jor… Or u wan join?

          1. @topazo, I no find your private matter oh. You put am for public place, and even if I shut my eyes, I am not blind. Lol. Anyway, Kay Greins says he can’t share, so go and look for another NS mother. Sowwy.

      2. @topazo

        We can’t be brothers o….. Leave my NS mother alone o. Door is closed for adoption

        1. @kodeyaa I hear u… Lol

  13. @zikora I have my moments… Lol

    1. Lol…..I can see that now @topazo.

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