You’re the only one I can talk to.I will be turning eleven very soon but somehow, that doesn’t make me happy. Mummy is pregnant and she and daddy are so happy, they might not remember my birthday. But that’s okay. I don’t mind, at least I’m going to have a baby brother or sister soon.I think she’ll be having the baby soon. She is always tired these days…and doesn’t listen to me anymore. I think she’s ashamed of me. Who wouldn’t be? Her only child can’t talk.
I think I’m pretty, last week Dad took me to the doctor’s for my check up and a nice lady there said I was pretty. I only wish Mum and Dad think so too.
Dear diary, I wish I could talk…Will it make Mummy and Daddy love me more? I don’t know why God made me this way, but I think I’m a lot better than some others.If only Mummy would talk to me…It really hurts me that I can’t talk to any of my parents. I have so much to say. But Daddy never took time to learn sign language…and Mummy is always busy.
Its been a while. Guess what? I made an A in my test today and I ran all the way home to tell Mummy, but she wasn’t home, neither was daddy. They left a note on the table saying Mummy had gone to deliver my baby brother. I’ve decided I want the baby to be a boy. It would make mummy and daddy so happy. I’ve heard them talking about how they need another child to compensate for…me. I think they regret having me. Who wouldn’t?
I have a lot to say. Something happened yesterday when Daddy got back from the hospital. He wrote that Mummy was admitted in the hospital and the baby hadn’t come yet. He looked worried. I worried too. I want Mummy to have the baby; they need another child apart from me.
I stayed up late last night thinking, its really amazing how much thinking you can do when you have no one to talk to. Then daddy came into my room. He hardly does that, rather he avoids my room like the plague. Anyway he came in yesterday, and sat with me in bed. He touched my face and told me not to worry that Mummy and the baby would be fine. Then he drew me closer to him, I was excited, he’s never wanted to be close to me before.I was happy that maybe my Daddy was finally coming around to loving me.
Then he told me I was pretty. I couldn’t believe he was talking to me. Then he said it again, how I looked so much like Mummy. Diary, my heart beat so fast I thought it would fall out!
My daddy loves me! He told me. He said his love for me is special. Then he asked me if I loved him, and I nodded. Why wouldn’t I love him? He’s my daddy!
He smiled at me, and held me some more and I think I slept off… because when I opened my eyes, it was morning.
Diary, it’s a brand new day! I’m going to have a baby brother and I have a daddy who loves me!
It’s been three days since we talked. I’m so sorry I’ve been busy.Yes, busy! Daddy took me out yesterday and we had fun. He says Mum is likely to have the baby tomorrow. I’m enjoying all the attention,diary. I didn’t know life could be so much fun! I don’t think I want to die anytime soon. Daddy wants to take me to see Mummy in the hospital. Bye
Something strange happened last night. We saw Mummy in the hospital, but she was too tired to talk much. So we left. Last night Daddy came to my room again. He held me like before, only this time… He asked me to take off my clothes. I wanted to ask why; then I remembered he didn’t understand sign language. He told me he was my Daddy and he loves me, and if I love him too, I’ll obey him. I thought about it, and decided to obey. He’s my daddy and he loves me.
I took of my clothes, and he looked at me, I was a bit shy because I’ve begun developing small breasts. He touched them and told me they were pretty like me. I wanted to smile, but I couldn’t because I felt uncomfortable. I wanted to ask if I could put my clothes back on. He kept telling me how beautiful I was as he touched me and I kind of felt mushy inside. He told me that this was what showed that he loved me.
I believe him, after all he’s my daddy and I love him. I just don’t feel comfortable with this.
Daddy came to pick me from school today. He bought ice cream for me and we went to the hospital together. Mummy has finally given birth! And it’s a baby boy.I have a brother! Mummy let me hold the baby, he’s very tiny. We stayed for a while and Daddy took me home.I can tell he’s happy with the new baby. And it makes me happy too. They are not discharging Mummy from the hospital yet, so it’s just me and Daddy. He came to my room again.He made me undress again…and this time, he touched me down there. It was gross.He kept saying how much he loves me, and all the time he kept touching and digging. It felt intrusive,no one touched there except me. Why would daddy touch me there? I feel sore now. I know he loves me, and I love him too. This must be how he shows love. But I still don’t like it.
Mummy isn’t home yet.Daddy was in my room again this night.This time he taught me how to put a banana in my mouth without biting. I don’t know why he was teaching me that.But he made sure I did it over and over, until I got it right. Then he touched me some more and left. I still feel sore.
I couldn’t write yesterday because something really weird happened.I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, but I think it’s wrong. Daddy came to my room again, and… he pulled his trousers.He took my hand and placed it on his thing down there.He told me, since he had touched me, I should touch him back if I loved him. I refused at first and removed my hand.He whispered how much he loved me; It felt good to hear those words. He put my hand there again, and I felt it. It was quite big, then he told me to pull down his boxers and put the thing in my mouth, the way he taught me to do with the banana. I almost vomited. It was so gross to think of. I shook my head.I couldn’t do that.Wasn’t that what he used to pee? I won’t put it in my mouth. I won’t! I didn’t care how much he loved me. I wasn’t going to do it.
Diary, it was no use. I did it. He made me do it. (Crying). I’ve never been so disgusted in my life. I hate myself. I’ve washed my mouth a thousand times but the smell won’t go.I hate this.I will lock my door tonight.
It’s been a week since I wrote to you. A lot has been happening. Mummy’s back home with the baby. But she’s either too busy or too tired to listen to me. I want to tell her all that Daddy has been doing to me, how he comes into my room at night when she’s asleep and makes me lick that thing. I’m confused. Does my daddy love me? If he does, why would he force me to do those disgusting things? He took away my key so I cannot lock the door at night.I want to die again.
I’ve decided to do something,I smuggled a knife from the kitchen into my room today; if Daddy comes,I will show it to him. I just want him to stop.I can’t take this anymore.I love my Daddy, but if this is how he loves me back, then I don’t want it.Diary, wish me luck.
I did it! I scared daddy away! I wrote a note yesterday telling him I will tell mummy if he touched me again. I showed him the note and the knife. Since then, he’s left me alone. I think he now acts worse than he used to. I don’t have a Daddy anymore. I still love him; after all, he’s my daddy.