Resentment is blinding. We are so bitter sometimes that it be-clouds our sense of reasoning, and that of judgment too.
I had been used before, or so I thought, and for someone with my usual exceptional foresight I almost hated myself for having not seen this in advance. I was manipulated into satisfying her insatiable sexual urges, while thinking I was in charge and was ridiculed much after.
With my laptop’s webcam already recording, I set out to work. To funmi I had long since forgotten “our slight misunderstanding”, like she always termed it, that was why she wasn’t in the least bit skeptical about hanging out with me on this Friday night, with an ending she couldn’t foresee, on my bed, in her birthday suit waiting/begging for me, while fondling her sensitive spots for starters.
A lot of time and planning had been put into making this Friday a reality, but I was the only one who knew that fact. To my unsuspecting prey, it would be as spontaneous as banging your extremely sexy English teacher, one you never knew had the hots for you to start with, leaving her making incomplete sentences as you drive her closer to climaxing after school on a Monday; the most serious day of the week.
I had bought all the necessary pills. Since I was making a video proof, I wanted to prove that I was not the 1min man she portrayed me to be; Viagra was at the top of my list. The German spanish fly followed next on my shopping list and I was going to exceed well above the prescribed two or 3 drops and keep going till I was satisfied. I wanted to make sure I had her eating out of the palm of my hands and begging me to screw her senseless, without any regard.
I also got the spray. Yes, it comes in sprays too and some clubs and parties have been known to use it sometimes, off the record. Like I was saying, just in case I hit a rough parch, that is if I couldn’t slip some drops into her drink while at the club, I would sure as hell spray it all over my car in an attempt to go drop her off at home; a futile attempt.
I’m king at mind games and this time around I was on guard. Knowingly unknowing to me, she had changed me forever. To me now, trusting a girl was relative; you get, Distant. Even while you’re in charge, they still have a way of being on top, fulfilling their desires while you think your cunningly living your own dreams.
I picked her up at 9pm. Since it was too early to think of clubbing just yet, we decided to see a movie at the Silverbird cinema in central area Abuja. As it was a spontaneous move, we chose a movie on the spot and ended up seeing ‘think like a man’ that had just started showing. A little over 2hours goes by, its 11:40pm, and we’re strolling out of the theatre. I walked a little faster so I could make it to the car a couple of seconds before she did. Once inside, I reached immediately for the Spanish fly in my glove compartment and had only managed to squeeze out two puffs before I heard her approaching. I wasn’t big on clubbing and had never been one to look forward to it; it could be attributed to my inability to dance without looking like I was intentionally trying to ridicule myself, so I would be glad if this overtly praised drug took effect right away, automatically making my destination home bound. But it didn’t; apparently I hadn’t gotten enough of it into the air in the car, before she promptly requested the AC which must have filtered out what was left of it.
Sticking to plan A, I headed out towards Cubana somewhere in the vast expanse of the beautifully landscaped streets of Wuse II. I had me a martin on-the-rocks for starters, while she was predictable and went for smirnoff ice though promising to up her alcohol game as the night progressed. I obviously hadn’t done my full research and I didn’t know how the contents of the small bottle in my jeans would mix with the whitish color of her drink; so I waited, I would make my move after I took her up on the offer of taking something with a stronger alcoholic and darker content, much later. In the mean time we danced, or at least she did while I just tried to move along with the rhythm as nonchalantly as these rich pot-bellied men do.
In about half an hour, we were sharing a bottle of red label with a bucket of ice and business was good; promising. She had begun to loosen up already, and we were talking intently. She was telling me how wonderful a friend she thought I was, and that she was glad we still found time out to be friends despite all our past differences. Her countenance towards me had slowly transcended from friendly to mushy in the course of our slightly inebriated conversation and I was beginning to think I could score naturally without the help of scientific manipulation. I was one to be thorough, I wasn’t going to base the progress of today’s mission on chance, so I went ahead and made my move, just as she obliged a handsome guy she had been eyeing that asked her to dance.
One! Two! Three, Four drops!
I still wasn’t satisfied, I wanted to make sure so I put the 5th and 6th drops and smiling to myself, I screwed the eye drop-like bottle shut.
I was counting, cos I wanted to comment on a forum about the wonder drug I had joined on the internet. It took all of 6 minutes before I started to see the signs, at least the most visible of them. She kissed me fully on the lips and went the whole 9yards with her tongue, then leaning against me her elbow brushed against my hard manliness and that was it; she suggested we went back to my place at once.
Back in my room she’s sprawled out on the bed and keeping busy all by herself, my webcam’s still recording while she’s telling me sweet sensuous nothings to get me to attend to her much faster, cos now I was the one taking my time; savoring her every desperate sexual plea as she fingered herself vigorously.
The video I uploaded on youtube went viral and we were crowned unofficial king and queen of Nigerian pornosphere in no time. Friends and family alike had come across the sex tape and since I had been well identified in the video, the link on youtube was somehow tagged to my name and surname; hence, potential 21st Century recruiters with the basic knowledge of google could also see it too, if and when they did a background check on me.
In the ensuing months, I lost jobs offers from PriceWaterHouse&Cooper and Akintola Williams Deloitte, two cats I thought I already had in the bag with my impressive resumé and wealth of experience. I lost quite some followers on twitter but gained a lot too, u know what they say “no publicity is bad publicity” so they followed me in droves.
Many wanted to know what it was like being famous over a sex tape, while most just wanted to know why I made it but I couldn’t tell them it was because she is a nympho and after we had sex the very first time, she went ahead to burn my cable with other potential lays by calling me a 1min man and I thought this was the best way to revenge. I couldn’t give none of these excuses, in fact no reasonable excuse would suffice.
She still hates me till tomorrow, and I’m certain I caused her most of her life’s sorrows ….