Could They Have Known 1

Could They Have Known 1

Dimonye smiled naughtily at his younger sister, Ifunanya, who was standing naked at the door of the bathroom with her mouth pushed up so high that it could touch the ceiling, as he lifted his dripping body cautiously out of the bathtub clutching his towel. He had just finished having one of those intriguing cold bath that left you never wishing to leave the bathroom again on a chilled morning. And, obviously, his stretched stay in there had worn his sister off any tolerance she ever possessed. Before his two feet could settle on the tiled floor, Ifunanya pushed past him and jumped in.

‘Wicked boy! Now, you’ve finished the water, and still you want cold to kill me before you leave the bathroom?’ she asked loudly in her boyish voice and hissed. Dimonye only flashed more teeth at her and brought his threadbare towel to his mouth. The full bucket of water he had selfishly exhaused alone had as usual, been meant for the four of them – him, Ifunanya and his two younger brothers Chudi and Okwy. And not even Ifunanya’s consistent screams that he shouldn’t forget that he was just the first person among them to use from the water, and that there was very little water remaining in the bathroom bowl, had deterred him from exhausting everything.

Grudgingly, Ifunanya went to the blue bathroom bowl that sat close to the bathroom door and emptied the little water left in it into her bucket. Already, she knew the water would barely be enough for her to have her bath, not to talk of her two younger ones. And they dared not leave them not to take their bath till their mother returned from her place of work. She would just raze the house with her angry screams if they did. At times, she just hated Dimonye and whatever the hell he was to her. And if she challenged him more now, it would turn to a fight. For a while, she contemplated between leaving the water for her youger ones, and using it. But finally, she agreed to use it, and then get some for them to use later at the neighbour’s place.

By now, Dimonye was at the main exit door. But, instead of running off quickly to the room the way he usually did whenever he finished having a bath, he chose to stand back and watch as his sister would pull through with her own cold bath. After pulling off the last clothing left on her which was a striped multi-coloured pant, Ifunanya stood naked in the bathtub clutching her shoulders in a hug.

‘Idiot girl! And you were shouting as if you would be out of here before I get to the door,’ Dimonye lashed out at her.

‘Don’t you know it’s cold?’ Ifunanya shot back, drawing out her tongue at him.

‘But I was enjoying my bath inspite of the cold, and yet you were screaming like a mad person,’

‘Ehn, ehn? Enjoying your bath. Without considering others. And now that the water has finished, what will Okwy and Chudi use?’

‘Did they tell you they want to take their bath now? They’ll wait till mum comes back’

‘Wait ko, waiting ni’ Ifunanya replied, eyeing him as she rocked herself. When it became obvious to Dimonye that Ifunanya was reluctant to pour water on her body, he walked back in, scooped water from her bucket and splashed it on her. Ifunanya screamed ecstatically as the water hit her body and Dimonye laughed at her silliness. The next moment, as though freed from her fears, she picked up her sponge, rubbed some soap on it and began to scrub her body.

‘You too, hurry up!’ Dimonye instructed his sister, ‘I’m going to disturb you today the way you did me,’ he said, finally tying his towel around his waist. At his statement, Ifunanya thought to be a bit mischievous. So, instead of hurrying as his brother had instructed, she began to scrub her body very slowly, and twist to a melody which she was humming.

Suddenly, Dimonye felt his body arch awkwardly as he watched Ifunanya. It wasn’t as if it was the first time he was seeing her nakedness, or that it had been a while since he did. But this time around, coupled with the seductive movement of her body, it stirred up a strange craving in him he had never felt before. He could still remember vividly the movie he watched where a lady was doing this sort of thing in front of a man, and it was the exact one that Ifunanya was humming its melody. For one confused moment, he wondered if he could actually do the same awkward thing that the man did afterwards to the lady to her. As he stood there watching her, he allowed his eyes rove freely about her body, resting them more on the black dots on her chest and the smooth triangle between her legs. He didn’t know when he moved close to her and touched one of the black dots on her chest. Ifunanya screamed the moment she felt someone touch her, and then began to laugh. Dimonye tried again, this time rubbing the small hard dot, and was surprised when she didn’t protest. She only opened her eyes which still had soap lather around it and smiled at him. At this, Dimonye grew more anxious, and began to wonder if his sister could actually be feeling the same way he did. The next moment, Ifunanya offered him the small bowl she was using to scoop water onto her body, and told him to bath her. Dimonye obliged, raising the bowl filled with water over her head and watching her twist as water ran down her body.

She had barely finished with her bath when Dimonye made to lift her out of the bathtub. But she was to heavy for him, so he half-carried, half-dragged her to the room, locking the door securely behind them the moment they got in.

Comments

comments


21 thoughts on “Could They Have Known 1” by Eletrika (@babyada)

  1. Profile photo of Thomasmann
    Thomasmann (@drzhivago): Junior Writer - 4111 pts

    Ah @babyada
    O! For the thoughts that run through your head.

  2. Profile photo of taiwo odumala
    taiwo odumala (@queenzayta): Junior Writer - 4544 pts

    @zhirvago…I’m sure it’s not you alone. My brain is doing the ziiiiing thing…@babyada…part 2 abeg

    1. Profile photo of Eletrika
      Eletrika (@babyada): Wordsmith - 36866 pts

      @queenzayta, I hope it will come now sha.

      Thanks.

  3. Profile photo of Tola Odejayi
    Tola Odejayi (@TolaO): Wordsmith - 37661 pts

    Very interesting story, @babyada. I found the interaction between brother and sister very amusing in the first half of the story, but it looks like things are about to take a darker turn.

    By the way, I think it would be better to replace ” Ifunanya screamed ecstatically” with “Ifunanya screamed in shock” – after all, it’s clear that she was reluctant to have water being poured on her.

    1. Profile photo of Eletrika
      Eletrika (@babyada): Wordsmith - 36866 pts

      @I’m glad you did. Thanks. Probably, I wrote ‘ecstatically’ because it was the way it occured to me. I’ll look at that.

      Thanks.

  4. Profile photo of kaycee
    kaycee (@kaycee): Head Wordsmith - 150614 pts

    “one of those intriguing cold bath”
    can a bath be intriguing?
    An ‘s’ is needed after the word ‘bath”

    Also, on chilled mornings, people actually want to leave the bathroom quickly, and not the other way round.

    “And they dared not leave them not to take their bath till their mother returned from her place of work.”
    The above sentence is unclear.

    “he chose to stand back and watch as his sister would pull through with her own cold bath.”
    This sentence too is unclear. did you mean to “watch how his sister would pull through…”

    When cold water is splashed on a body in a chilly weather, the person doesn’t scream in ecstasy.

    ….instead of hurrying as his brother had instructed, she began to scrub her body very slowly,”
    something is off too with this sentence too.

    Be careful to maintain the inexperience of the two kids… Whatever happens next, show the readers that the kids have little knowledge in sexual matters.
    I will like to see how you achieve that. Abeg, mention me when you post the next.

    Well done.

    1. Profile photo of Eletrika
      Eletrika (@babyada): Wordsmith - 36866 pts

      @kaycee, thanks for the corrections and sorry for the lack of clarity in some places. I actually typed this hurriedly with my phone to avoid the idea from leaving my head. So, clarity and elaborate explanation should be pardoned.

      Well, as for the completion, maybe you would see that when I eventually finish compiling my short stories.

      This, and other uncompleted ones on this site.

      I hope you’ll be patient enough.

  5. Profile photo of Eletrika
    Eletrika (@babyada): Wordsmith - 36866 pts

    @drzhivago, this one you came in here today…

    Thanks for ‘O’ing and stopping by.

  6. Profile photo of topazo
    topazo (@topazo): Head Wordsmith - 59647 pts

    Hmmm…I dey fear fr ds 2 o
    This is nice…the image ws vivid and the dialogue was real and natural…
    Evn though I knew wr d story ws goin to end I ws stl very much sucked into d narrative..
    The errors hv bn pointed out.
    @kaycee I tnk d kids had garnered enough experience frm watchin too many TV….

    1. Profile photo of Eletrika
      Eletrika (@babyada): Wordsmith - 36866 pts

      I’m glad I was able to do that. Thanks. :-)

    2. Profile photo of Eletrika
      Eletrika (@babyada): Wordsmith - 36866 pts

      I’m glad it did. Thanks :-)

  7. Profile photo of TUS
    TUS (@Theo): Head Wordsmith - 44198 pts

    A good storyline, I think. But quite a bit of grammatical errors. I did feel like you should have talked more of Dimonye and Ifunanya’s confusing emotions and less of the bathing. Good work.

    1. Profile photo of Eletrika
      Eletrika (@babyada): Wordsmith - 36866 pts

      Alright. But, I don’t think there was much to talk about concerning their conflicting emotions. It just happened to them.

  8. Profile photo of Ayoks
    Ayoks (@sucess001): Head Wordsmith - 213122 pts

    interesting! following this!

    1. Profile photo of Eletrika
      Eletrika (@babyada): Wordsmith - 36866 pts

      Sucess001, pls do. I’m glad you found it interesting.

  9. Profile photo of Eletrika
    Eletrika (@babyada): Wordsmith - 36866 pts

    Sucess001, pls do. I’m glad you found it interesting.

    1. Profile photo of Ayoks
      Ayoks (@sucess001): Head Wordsmith - 213122 pts

      Been waiting for the remainder of the story….when are u posting na? i concur with some of kaycee’s critique but i tink its alright to allow Electrika give us her raw state of minds not channeled to another person’s style of writing. and kids know a lot about sex more than adult these days.

      I like her ‘muse’ and will look forward to the next episode. good job!

      1. Profile photo of Eletrika
        Eletrika (@babyada): Wordsmith - 36866 pts

        Well, I hope you don’t wait for ages. Lol!

  10. Profile photo of Da'Queen
    Da'Queen (@Estee): Wordsmith - 30012 pts

    ewwww! This is hawt!

    1. Profile photo of Eletrika
      Eletrika (@babyada): Wordsmith - 36866 pts

      Really?! Awww…thanks.

  11. Profile photo of innoalifa
    innoalifa (@innoalifa): Head Wordsmith - 128258 pts

    @babyada
    whoa!!!!!!!!
    This is beautiful

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