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The Gift Of The Night

‘For the few years that I have spent alive, life has presented many things before me. Things I never bargained for or surprises as some may call it. Some were pleasant in many ways and i indeed wanted more of them but many a times never came back to me while others were tormenting and these I would never want to receive again but the course of nature still brings them back to me presenting them as pleasant to attract my unguided attention. The night comes and it brings its pleasant gift as a time of rest from the day’s battle for bread. But the gift of the night to some is a torment unto their soul. The righteous they say have nothing to fear about the silent night for in it they shall have a sweet sleep and for the wicked, its gift shall be a torment to their soul. But is this actually true? I mean, don’t the righteous also get tormented by its gift? For I myself have indeed been held by its grips of horror even when I had nothing against anybody’. I paused, and stared into my eyes.
It seemed that my reflection was getting weary of my sermon and questions. I saw his countenance change even right before my eyes. ‘You are tired…’ I said to the mirror and retired to my bed after I had carelessly dropped the script on the table.
I opened my eyes, I felt my hands and legs bound to a solid surface, with my body stretched out as if I was to be crucified, ‘but this isn’t my bed…’ I thought to myself. ‘Neither is this place my room’ I muttered. The atmosphere was gloomy and dead silent. Fear gripped my innermost heart that it increased the adrenaline level in my veins. My heart rate increased over the thought that maybe I have been kidnapped by my worst nightmares. Just as this thought ran through my mind, a bright light was shone on me and then I realized that I was naked and bound on an empty surgical table. I tried to comfort myself and pretend that I was dreaming, but it seemed to me that I was wrong, it was real. It was happening in real time. I struggled to unbind my hands, but my efforts were futile. Just as I continued my battle, another light was shone on my right. I turned towards it and I saw a box, it was a surgical box which was locked. I tried to scream, but my voice was too weak to accomplish that task. Just then, I heard a cracking sound. The box was unlocked. It opened on its own accord. It opened and I beheld all the surgical materials in it. They sparkled like metals of silver. And yet as this happened, another light was shone on my left. I turned towards it and I beheld another person. He was naked and bound as well. He was different. His entire body was covered with his own blood. I could see his entire intestine purged out onto the right side of the table. ‘Is he dead?’ I asked myself. ‘What is happening?’ I asked again. ‘Why am I here?’ I asked yet again. Just then to my greatest surprise, he turned towards me and behold, he was my blood brother. At this sight, my heart rate tripled in beat per second and I could hear my heart beat louder in my mouth. My countenance changed in great fright and confusion. He smiled at me and said. ‘Everything will be okay. They just want to remove all your worries and fears’. He concluded and retired to eternal glory.
Tears rolled down my cheek as I laid there helpless. Seeing him pass away and the thought that maybe I might be next made me more helpless. I tried to speak out loud maybe to scream for help but my lips were too heavy to move. ‘Come to think of it, who are they that he talked about?’ I asked myself. At last they walked into the room and walked straight up to me. ‘Now it’s your turn’ one of them said to me. ‘Just relax and everything will be okay’ another said. ‘But wait a minute, the first voice seemed familiar’ I wondered to myself. ‘Yes it is’ the first one replied. I was filled with shock and surprise. ‘How was he able to hear my thought?’ I continued. ‘We can hear everything you think’ he said. And yet as he spoke, the familiarity of his tone rapidly grew as a contention and a tough bone to crack in my mind. ‘Look at me’ he commanded and removed his facial mask. At the first glance on his face, I was completely frozen with a mixture of fear and surprise. ‘How come?’ I asked ‘Dad! You?’ I continued. ‘Yes! Me’ he replied glaring intensely at me. I have known my dad and been with him since I was born, and he was in no way a medical surgeon. ‘This must be a dream’ I continued. And immediately, he covered his face with his mask and proceeded for the operation. With him were two other persons who like him, were all dressed in surgical robes and they had their surgical masks on. This made it difficult to recognize who they were. He stretched out his hands to one of them and they handed him a knife.
‘Is this what the night has brought for me today? Is this the surprise package?’ as I continued to ponder over these thoughts, sweat covered my entire body and my heart beat became more audible to me. I could even feel my heart pound in my mouth. I continued to bask for breath as if it was the costliest commodity. He raised the knife higher above his head and then with great force, he thrust it into my stomach. I held my eyelids tight together onto each other hopping to withstand the pains that awaited me. ‘But wait a minute! I feel no pains at all’ I muttered to myself. Though I saw blood gush out from my body. He inserted his hands into my lower abdomen and brought out something.
He held it out to me and he said. ‘This is your script, you need to complete the write ups before your presentation’ he concluded. I pondered in great surprise and thought to myself. ‘How did he know about my script? And how did it get into my belly?’ to these questions I got no replies. It was the same script I was rehearsing to myself as I stood in front of the mirror before I went to bed. He then took a swap and began to wipe me clean. ‘Close your eyes and relax, your script is on the table’ he said and continued to swap the blood from my belly. I obeyed and closed my eyes. I opened my eyes and discovered that Barney, my dog was on my bed and he had his tail swinging on my belly. It was morning already. I regained consciousness and immediately jumped to my feet. I examined my belly on my mirror and I saw no scratch on it. It was all a dream. I immediately turned to my table and I saw my script lying on it. It was on the exact spot I had left it. Of a truth, the night had indeed brought me my share of its surprises. ‘But was my script the gift of the night?’ I thought to myself.

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5 thoughts on “The Gift Of The Night” by lordgreat (@lordgreat)

  1. Profile photo of Salliness
    Salliness (@Salliness): Writer - 6488 pts

    A very good read. Nice work. Work more on your punctuation; capitalization, commas, and the likes. They make reading a lot easier and enjoyable.

  2. Profile photo of Raymond
    Raymond (@raymond): Head Wordsmith - 47422 pts

    …Okay.
    Honestly, you lost me at the 4th line? 5th? And this phrase -“metals of silver”- made me want yank out my (very) short hair.

    “He concluded and retired to eternal glory”… Are you writing someone’s obituary?

    This felt….too routine. This was no horror story; it felt more like an essay on a bad dream. No feeling, no sense of foreboding, no suspense. Flat and tepid.

    When writing Horror, you don’t write what you see, because you will become nothing but a spectator; part of the audience. Write what your characters feel; hold that fear in your hands and understand it. Understand its nature, and see the world through your character(s)’ eyes. That way, you will be halfway there.

    My advice? Read and study Horror novels and Horror writers. Study their writing styles. Make your sentences short and sharp, not long and rambling. This isn’t an English class. This could’ve made a GREAT story, and you may have scared some people, but opting to turn it into a bad dream was a bad idea.

    Heh. I better stop here. U hate me already? Heh. Lemme go and sip Zogbo. Better still, ask @kaycee to comment on it as well. Even @seun-odukoya. Variety of opinions, no?

    Meh.

  3. Profile photo of lordgreat
    lordgreat (@lordgreat): Junior Writer - 1116 pts

    @salliness tnx 4 d tips I will work on that
    @raymond, I didnt join dis group to get all praises, I also need critics like the ones you gave. tnx dude I appreciate. I will take ur advice…

  4. Profile photo of lactoo
    lactoo (@louis): Writer - 8605 pts

    Hmmm. Very flat. Nice try though.

  5. Profile photo of innoalifa
    innoalifa (@innoalifa): Head Wordsmith - 102759 pts

    … a simply good piece…

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