Naija Bank

Naija Bank

SCENE 1

(A young lady RUNS to a well dressed man in his late 70’S; He is shown smoking a PIPE!)

Girl: Grandpa!!!

Grandpa: Happy birthday bola!

Girl: Thank you grandpa, what about my birthday present!

Grandpa: I wanted to surprise you, but I was held up in a board meeting. So I am willing to give you anything you want.

Girl: Do you promise to give me anything I want? It might be expensive?!

Grandpa: I promise, Money is not a factor!

Girl: Okay! Jibike’s dad bought her a brand new car, but what I want is a Mini-Yacht!

Grandpa: Hmmn!!! YACHT! What do you know about a Yacht?

Girl: That’s what I want sha!! Grandpa you wanted to surprise me now? (Or is too expensive for you?)

Grandpa: Expensive ke? You know you are my favorite granddaughter! OMOBOLANLE, you will get your Yacht!!!

(Girl is shown hugging grandpa and jumping in the air)

 

SCENE 2

(Old man is shown picking his fone and making a call, the name being dialed is JIMi; MD)

Grandpa/ Chairman: How are you JIMI?

MD: Ha! Mr. Chairman, good evening sir, I am very fine sir, how is your family sir?

Grandpa/ Chairman: We are doing great O!!!  Those targets we decided on, have you informed any of the other directors?

MD: No Sir, still working on the board paper.

Grandpa/ Chairman: Good! We will need to review the targets oh!!!  I believe our shareholders deserve a better return on their investment

MD: No problem Sir, by how many percent should I increase it?

Grandpa/ Chairman: 100%.

MD: 100%?!!

Grandpa/ Chairman: Is it too much for you and your staff to deliver?

MD: Emmm, No… 100% is achievable by the special grace of God.

Grandpa/ Chairman: Eh-heh, I know I can always trust you to deliver. Regards to Sumbo and the kids!

MD: Yes Sir, Good bye Sir!

 

SCENE 3

(The MD is shown cutting the call and looking confused)

MD: How can he expect an additional 100% increase in our target for the year!

MD: These shareholders don’t know a pin of banking business, its only dividend, bonus, dividend, bonus…

 

SCENE 4

(Camera shows a book with a word written on it, Drivers LOG BOOK, A man is shown filling the Log book)

Name Unit Time Destination Comment Signature Car Type
Kasali MD’s Office 8.30am Ajungle Branch opening kslli PRADO

 

SCENE 5

(A man at the back seat of a PRADO jeep is shown making a phone call)

Man on Phone:  Do we need to go today?

Person on other end of the phone: You promised me and I also promised them. I don’t want to be embarrassed and you know your mother can really embarrass people.

Man on Phone: Okay! What time are we going?

Person on other end of the phone: 5pm! Mama is going to church by 6.30pm!!!

 

 

(Camera shows man on phone looking out of the window starring, looking surprised at the scenery)

Man on Phone: Okay! See you later!

HE is shown looking at the driver and asking

Man on Phone: Where are we?

Kasali: Ajungle City Sir!

Man on Phone: Ajungle City? Which part of Lagos is this?

Kasali: Oga I no know oh, I hear say na OGUN State settlement in Lagos.

(Man on Phone is shown dialing “Tolu”)

Tolu: Good morning MD,

Man on Phone: Send a mail to all Regional and Zonal Heads that our meeting for 4pm is now holding by 1pm. Copy all Executive Directors

Tolu: Okay Sir! But HR has scheduled you to interview a prospective hire for 1pm?

Man on Phone: That is U and HR’s headache.

(Man is shown terminating calL)

 

SCENE 6

(A bank branch with a canopy in the compound, the canopy is shown on the front left of the building. We see a ribbon around 2 pillars close to the entrance. A lot of cars parked outside (PRADOs, Land-Cruisers, etc)

 

Zooming into the canopy, we see chairs in the front roll with 2 in the center with tags on them (reserved ED, reserved MD). People in suits are shown seated in the background.

 

Man in Jeep: I have always told you to come early and ask for directions from you fellow drivers. I will not tolerate this anymore. If we are not there by 10minutes, that is the end of your employment in this bank.

Phone is shown ringing (name on phone; MD)

Man in Jeep: Good morning Sir,

MD: Where are you?

Man in Jeep: Around the corner sir,

MD: Corner ke? Jide, there is no corner near this branch oh! I need to be back in the office by 1pm, if I don’t see u in 10 minutes, I will leave!!!

Man in Jeep: Will be there in 5 minutes!

(Camera shows him starring at the driver)

SCENE 7

Camera shows Man in Jeep and Man on phone seating side by side on chairs marked as reserved for ED and MD respectively.

 

MD: Why did your guys select here of all places to site a branch?

ED: Oga, I am as surprised as you are. There can’t be any prospect here?

MD: This community needs serious government assistance. Who did the financial justification for siting this branch here?

ED: The branch Expansion team, Sir.

MD: Only a fool would come and work in a place like this, not to talk of managing it. I don’t see this branch making any profit. Give the Head of Branch expansion a Query for an unprofitable venture

ED: Yes Sir!

SCENE 8

In NAIJA BANK CORPORATE HEADQUARTER; A door marked (BRANCH EXPANSION DEPARTMENT; A phone is heard ringing in the office

Branch Expansion Staff: Hello, Branch Expansion Office,

Caller: Tolu from MD’s Office, Oga Cole’s presence is needed in the Conference room immediately

Branch Expansion Staff: Will tell him!

 

SCENE 9

CONFERENCE ROOM

MD: We have decided to review our budgets upward. Our shareholders demand a higher return on their investment and we need to deliver. Our previous budget was a 20% increase on last year’s budget; it would now be a 100% increase of last year’s budget.

MD: Any Questions?

(Some hands are shown in the air)

 

A knock is heard on the door and Mr. Cole, (Head of Branch Expansion steps into the room).

MD: give me a minute!

(Camera pan shows him telling the zonal coordinators to give him a minute and then facing Mr. Cole)

MD: Mr. Cole, do you realize you have wasted these bank resources by building a branch in a non-profitable location?

Head of Branch Expansion: How Sir?! I saw the analysis and the projection it was a profitable venture!

MD: Did you visit the location?

Head of Branch Expansion: I told you my wife’s father died and I had to ….

MD: Please can someone call head of HR

Head Of Branch Expansion: Mr. MD, if you are accusing me of wasting the resources of the bank, what about you? You approved the siting of the branch; I have all the approvals in my file. None of you had a reservation when signing!

MD: I see! So because I approved it, it no longer your fault ehn?

A knock is heard on the door and Mr. Johnson steps into the conference room, (Head of HR).

 

MD: Mr. Johnson, how many years has Mr. Cole spent in this bank?

Mr. Johnson: Almost 20 years, we actually joined the same day! He is one of our pioneer staff!

(Mr. Cole is shown next to Mr. Johnson, patting his back)

MD: You mean was! His services have being terminated! Please escort Mr. Cole off the premises. Make sure he clears his desk and retrieve all properties belonging to the company from him, including his car.

Head of Branch Expansion: Ha!!! Mr. MD, please I am sorry, please forgive me, it would never happen again.

MD: Mr. Johnson, if he is not out of here in the next 45 seconds, you will be joining him!!!

Mr. Johnson is shown dragging Mr. Cole out of the conference room

MD: Johnson! Hold on!!!.

(MD is shown thinking, picture of branch on his mind)

MD: Johnson! On second thought, convert that termination to transfer to ajungle branch. Let him go and run the place. Commence the staffing of the branch.

Mr. Johnson: Okay Sir!

MD: Mr. Cole, I am giving you a second chance. If the branch does not make profit by year end…

(MD looks at Mr Cole, then grins)

MD: you get the message?

Head of Branch Expansion: Yes Sir!!Thank you sir

MD: Commence the staffing of the ajungle branch immediately.

MD: Back to business!

(He is shown looking at the people all seated)

MD: Any questions?

(The room is consumed in utter silence; hands earlier raised have disappeared!!!)

MD says to himself (thought so!)

MD: Good! Return to work!!!

 

SCENE 10

Lady in Shabby Office: When did you complete your OND?

Unemployed: 3 years ago! I have also gained experience working in international bank, tgbank, kokobank…

Lady in Shabby Office: What did you do there?

Unemployed: I worked in loan recovery, Bullion services, branch administration, security, marketing…

Lady in Shabby Office: Emeka? !, have you done tellering before?

Unemployed: No!

(emeka Thinking to himself; Kai, I sent the wrong fake CV!!!)

Lady in Shaby Office: Good! Here at lagbaja recruitments, we focus on developing our staff to become full-fledged bank support.  You seem not to have the relevant experience we consider when recruiting, so I don’t think we can offer you a position

Unemployed: Please Ma, I help me, I am the only son of my family, all my siblings depend on me. I have been searching for job for almost 4 years, I can learn tellering, I beg

(He is shown begging and pleading)

Lady in shabby Office receives a text message (Send a Teller to our office ASAP, Johnson Naija Bank)

Lady in Shaby Office: I will give you an opportunity, I like your charisma and you look like someone that can learn quickly. Go and learn tellering from wherever you can.

Lady in Shabby Office: Sign this agreement and provide picture of 4 guarantors then take this letter to Naija Bank and ask to see the Head of HR.

(She is shown holding out an envelope in the right hand and a document (a couple of sheets) in the left)

Unemployed: Thank you ma, I will never forget you ma, the lord will bless you continually!

Lady in Shabby Office: I know! Just sign the agreement!!!

(She has a smile on her face, thinking to herself, with us taking 35% of you salary per month, you will never forget me)

 

SCENE 11

A desk with a computer monitor, the monitor screen is showing an open Microsoft outlook mail with a mail trail.

FROM: OLAITAN ADEDEJI

TO:             HR

DATE: 11/11/11

SUBJECT: FW: REQUEST FOR TRANSFER TO LAGOS

 

Good Day,

I will be grateful if my transfer request could be honored. I have communicated my predicament to my supervisor, manager and regional manager and still nothing has been done. My request to be relocated to a branch in Lagos is so I can be with my ailing wife.

 

Regards

 

Olatian Adedeji

Cash Operations

Maiduguri Main Branch

 

 

Lady at the desk: Chike!, Have you seen the mail from Olaitan Adedeji?

Chike: Today’s mail or yesterday’s mail?

Lady at Desk: Yesterday’s mail?

Chike: Ma, he has been sending request for transfer mail every-day since he joined the bank. And the surprise is that, he actually stated in his interview that he preferred working outside Lagos

Lady at Desk: in that case, he should hold his peace!

(A man is shown barging into the Office)

 

Lady at the desk and Chike: Good morning Sir

Mr. Johnson: We need 2 marketers to resume at Ajungle branch asap.

Chike and Lady at desk reply: Yes Sir!

Lady: I think we have the perfect candidate!!!

(They are shown smiling at each other)

 

SCENE 12

(Bedroom of a young couple)

Wife: Honey? The New Designs by STELLA STYLE are beautiful!!! Have you seen them?

Bayo: No, but I am sure you will look beautiful in them

(Shown wearing a shirt and tie)

Wife: Well here it is in CLAP Magazine.

Bayo: Ronke! I am running late for work; let’s discuss it when I get back?

Wife: When you get back from Work? You leave 5 and return …, in fact I never know when you return! Are you the only staff in the company?

Bayo: If you had a JOB, you will understand.

Wife: Are you not the same person that said you won’t like your wife to work as you are already working for us, but you always hesitate in dropping my share of “our money”, Now it has changed to “if i have a JOB i will understand”.

Bayo: Darling, I didn’t mean it like that; I will make it up to you.

Wife: Same old story.

Bayo: Okay take my debit card and buy the clothes, you know I love you!!!

(Wife is shown taking the debit card)

SCENE 13

 (30 minutes after Bayo is shown in the back seat of his car making a call)

Bank Call Center Agent: Good morning Mr. Bayo Alade, how can I be of assistance?

Bayo: I will like to set a daily spending limit of N20,000 on my debit card

Bank Call Center Agent: Mr. Alade, your request has been processed and will be effected on your card in 10mins, do you have any other requests?

Bayo: That will be all thank you.

(Bayo is shown smiling to himself)

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One thought on “Naija Bank” by Inspired Illustrationz (@bwyze)

  1. Profile photo of Efadel
    Efadel (@febidel): Senior Scribe - 26518 pts

    Did you say Naija Bank? Hilarious!

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